Piggy's secret car blog and twitter account? Larps as a mechanic with the pen name "Torque Wheeler"

[TorqueWheeler]

I’d wager it’s south of $20. The only problem would be beer prices I gather. Torque Wheeler doesn’t like drinking and driving unless it’s going to kill niggers.

Buzz, wrong in every detail, stlaker. Torque loves drinking and driving no matter who gets killed.

 

[Torque Army]

 

[SFWA liaison]

you know how people went looking to check if the articles were plagiarized from elsewhere? well... turns out the pig plagiarized HIMSELF a bit

check out the "How To Get Your Car Ready for Summer" article, then the "How To Wash Your Engine Bay" one. They have several pieces in common, he doesn't just use copypaste to respond to atalkers

• "Don’t just use a garden hose. Use any spray nozzle that creates high pressure and decreases the water volume. Ideally, use a portable pressure washer, the sort you’d use to clean sidewalks or fences. Avoid spraying directly on sensitive areas like fuse boxes, sensors, spark plugs, coil packs, ignition wires, distributor caps, etc. Even those you’ve covered with the grocery bags. Hose it down until all the degreaser is gone and the wastewater runs clear."
• vs
• "Fourth, again, don’t just use a garden hose. Use any spray nozzle that creates high-pressure water and decreases the water volume. I know this sounds counterintuitive but think of it like a shower. High-pressure, low flow is best. Ideally, use a portable pressure washer, the sort you’d use to clean sidewalks or fences. Avoid spraying directly on sensitive areas like fuse boxes, sensors, cable connections, or coil-on-plug systems."
• "Once you’ve thoroughly washed and rinsed everything, towel down any standing water, then just walk away. Let the sun and breeze do the job of evaporating off anything you can’t see."
• vs
• "Once you’ve thoroughly washed and given a final rinse to everything, towel down any excess water, then wipe down all the rubber and plastic components with a conditioner like Armor All to keep them supple and prevent them from drying out and cracking. While you’re in there, check your serpentine belt for cracks or chunks missing from the rubber ribs on the inside surface that contacts the pulleys. If it’s looking worn or the belt is starting to fray, it’s time to replace it. Do Not put conditioner on the serpentine belt. It’ll cause the belt to slip and can actually decrease its lifespan. Good work, you’re done. Walk away. Let the sun and breeze do the job of evaporating any remaining water you can’t see. Give it the rest of the day with the hood open before pulling the plastic bags, reconnecting the battery, and firing it up."
• "The same electronics you’re trying to defend from salt are also not enormous fans of water for obvious reasons."
• vs
• "The same sensitive electrical components you’re trying to defend from salt are also not enormous fans of water for obvious reasons"

nigga takes me back to high school, letting a friend copy the homework but slightly changing the sentences, or adding adjectives to pad the wordcount

 

[Torque Army]

I'm working on being more optimistic & treating life like they're trying to teach me in group therapy...I can't wait to find out what other blogs/sites fatso writes for. I'd bet dollars to blowjobs that he's also larping as a Brewers insider.

 

[AntsBatteryCharge]

Buzz, wrong in every detail, atalker. Torque loves drinking and driving no matter who gets killed.

Drunken fat klutz

 

[Brooke Shields]

Drunken fat klutz

fat fuckin oaf could've killed a real person

 

[AntsBatteryCharge]

fat fuckin oaf could've killed a real person

Bernell?

Comment?

 

[DanMullen'sRetardedNephew]

Another fresh tweet from the Automanic twitter account:

I am honestly curious from a behavioral science standpoint to see how long he keeps this nonsense up. On his @stealthygeek account he at least gets some interaction with the dullards that follow him, on this account I've only seen rascals replying.

 

[BudDickman]

Tomlinson Enterprises sounds so ridiculous. It reminds me of Kramerica Industries.

 

[Stent]

Another fresh tweet from the Automanic twitter account:

View attachment 52490

I am honestly curious from a behavioral science standpoint to see how long he keeps this nonsense up. On his @stealthygeek account he at least gets some interaction with the dullards that follow him, on this account I've only seen rascals replying.

He has to forever keep the Torque charade going, until there's a good enough reason to explain it ending, otherwise the idiots win. As he only just started, he has at the minimum several months of Torque tweets ahead.

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

If he were LARPing as a Brewers insider, he would be Blob Puker.

 

[DanMullen'sRetardedNephew]

"Cars aren't built like they used to be.

They're built far, far better. Which means maintaining them properly is more important than ever.

Automanic is here to help you with that."

 

[guest]

Drunken fat klutz

It amazes me that he has never gotten a DUI.

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

It amazes me that he has never gotten a DUI.

I hope he gets one soon, then he’ll really be fucked.

 

[Phish]

I hope he gets one soon, then he’ll really be fucked.

It cant be stressed enough how badly it fucks your shit up for like a solid 3 years. Between license suspension, mandatory classes that you no longer have a license to get to, impound+towing fees, insurance rates +SR22 jacking your monthly payments up, drug testing+fees, etc. Probably the worst situation ive ever been in was trying to dig myself out of that hole like 10 yrs ago. I can only imagine its gotten worse.

 

[Udders]

It amazes me that he has never gotten a DUI.

Hooligans is like four blocks from his house. Pat's a colossal fuck up and he always surprises us but that'd be a new low even for him.

 

[BakersfieldChimp]

Hooligans is like four blocks from his house. Pat's a colossal fuck up and he always surprises us but that'd be a new low even for him.

You'd think if it's that close he'd just walk. But I momentarily forgot that he's obese and thinks people are impressed by Susan and his scooter.

 

[Harry Powell]

It is approximately 90 seconds of driving to go from his house to Hooli’s. Even his fat ass could walk it in 15 minutes or so.

 

[Slackjawed Cow]

I still cant stop giggling at how corny Torque Wheeler is and that pat thought it was cool.

 

[RobertMewler]

You'd think if it's that close he'd just walk. But I momentarily forgot that he's obese and thinks people are impressed by Susan and his scooter.

He's terrified of walking alone after that trio of negroes stole his other phone, the drunken stumblebum.