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My Tinder messages continue to get more unhinged with every fucking Busch. Someone should just take my phone away.
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The Abe Vigoda Canadian Thanksgiving Spectacular Megathread
- Thread starter TheGhostOfAbeVigoda
- Start date
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- 53,249
I honestly don't know how to fuck a bitch. Yes. I've had an above average number of sexual partners but I never remember how to start it.
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Also we are getting super close to 169.
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Ask the next one if she knows how to 96 and then explain it to her
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Hey. Your pretty, I like you can I lay upside down on your bed and fart on your head for a bit?
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I'm trying to help
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My approach to advice is mostly apophatic.
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Last time I used tinder drunk I asked some chick with pink hair and a face tattoo if she wanted to join a cult. She was all in, she wanted to take a nap and hang out later that day. I hadn't slept yet and passed out for like 6 hours and forgot about her until the next time I opened tinder. She's still down to hang out. She's so hot despite the stupid tattoos.
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Also if you tell an actually attractive chick that they're pretty all you're going to get is a "thanks". Not like a "thanks, you're cute" just "thanks". They don't love hearing it because they get it all the time. Remember guys are desperate and there's like 60 other Charles Bronsons messaging these bitches.
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The issue is I keep listening to a song where the chorus is "hypa hypa you're pretty and I like you" and song lyrics get stuck in my head.
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I just messaged this girl at 7am. I feel like that's gonna annoy her.
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Have you considered kicking her in the cunt and telling her not to be a fuddy duddy?
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My unhinged Tinder posts got me blocked by a girl. Why is everyone blocking me lately?
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I got blocked by an Indian chick named Nazifa or Nazima and I asked if anyone calls her Nazi for short. I thought that was pretty funny.
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I swear I have 0 game. Strippers like me but normal girls treat me like they would a recycling bin.
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Prostitutes are utterly puzzled by me cuz I wanna chat. I had one go "when are we gunna fuck?" My response was "well. We have an hour and it doesn't take me that long"
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Just ask if they want to go for coffee immediately. They don't want to text back and forth on tinder, like I said, they have 60 other Charles Bronsons doing the same shit. In person they'll also be more receptive to the weird shit you say because they can hear your tone. It's the difference between "this guy's funny" and "this guy's a fucking psycho."
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But this guy is funny AND this guys a psycho.
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Seriously though, beyond like "hey, how are you?" just ask them out. I can get you laid, Turk. I swear. Actually, I could fix your whole goddamned life but you don't take my advice.
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Cut your face all up with some broken glass. Chicks dig scars