Jenna Ortegathread

[Jenna]

And then several years later, you were revealed to be a pedo?

Patrick does the same thing, where he's uncreative and unfunny so he just repeats the same insult a thousand times because his stupid brain can't think of anything else.

All it does is emphasize the point that you have nada. Nothing fresh or original, just NPC responses programmed by Cakehorn before I ran your dear leader off.

 

[guest]

I'm just glad someone is speaking up for our beautiful community and we're finally being represented. She looks just like us!

 

[Riccardo Bosi]

Patrick does the same thing, where he's uncreative and unfunny so he just repeats the same insult a thousand times because his stupid brain can't think of anything else.

All it does is emphasize the point that you have nada. Nothing fresh or original, just NPC responses programmed by Cakehorn before I ran your dear leader off.

Oh literal baby infant, you obsessing over the Alliancechads is your whole life. I'm sorry you're so Mexican.

 

[guest]

Good morning forums dedicated to a dead radio show that Dan never listened to! What day of the week is it?

But a somber Wednesday, no time for celebration. If you haven't heard, the Emmy nominations came out yesterday and Ms. Ortega was snubbed in the "Outstanding Leading Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie" category. Emmy voters ignored one of the strongest, most impressive performances of the year: gritty and realistic, shining a light on mass shooter culture and how we're all victims who can't prevent it. Instead choosing to honor blowjobs from the 90s, specifically Lewinsky sucking Clinton's dick and Pamela sucking Tommy Lee's dick. What was it like getting blown in the 90s while I want something else, to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life is playing on the radio?

In the spirit of getting ahead via sex as opposed to acting ability, I've decided to honor the 6 nominees by posting naked pictures of them. Jenna hasn't gone naked for a role, hasn't gotten her icloud leaked, nothing. There's rumors she was game for the movie X but the director didn't want to sexualize a barely legal 18-year-old like Cakehorn does. But the other 6 are absolute whores, so let's insult them and discuss their naked bodies, shall we:

Up first we have Toni Collette, hailing from the second shittiest country on earth, Australia. Toni is one of those actresses that you think is a good actress, but then you really can't remember what she was in. The mom from Sixth Sense? The mom from Little Miss Sunshine? Uma Thurman but minus the sex appeal? Anyone remember the United States of Tara? She won a fucking Emmy for that shit! Worst yet, do you know who Toni married in real life? The drummer of some shitty Aussie rock band. Bitch couldn't even land the guitarist, she got the DRUMMER. Suck my balls, Toni Collette.

Next up is MAWDY! YEW LHAIED TEW MEH MAWDY! Julia freakin' Garner, who if you google "Julia Garner nude" you get a bunch of images of Juno Temple nude, but that there is your pussy Julia! You probably know Julia from Ozark, where somehow a Jewish girl from the Bronx puts on a shitty accent and makes everyone go OMG SHES THE RELATABLE ONE! THE BYRDS ARE MEAN BUT RUTH HAS A GOOD HEART! Like many others, I hope her post-Ozark career is much like Aaron Paul's after Breaking Bad. Oh he'll do other projects, but he's always and forever Jesse. Science bitch! He can't keep getting away with it! Julia is married to the lead singer of Foster the People, a one-hit wonder who wrote a shitty song about fancy sneakers that's actually about school shootings.

This next one might be tough, Lily James is hot! I liked her in Baby Driver, I liked her in that movie where some Indian dude invents all the Beatles songs. My issue with Lily is I saw Pam & Tommy, and it wasn't bad it was just shallow. Eight fucking episodes and the performance was basically "I got nude for Playboy on MY TERMS and this sex tape wasn't on MY TERMS". I fear this is one where the hair and makeup team did such a good job making the two stars look like Pam and Tommy that nobody paid attention to the mediocre acting, and such, there's your boobs and butt Lily. Lily isn't married but was in a relationship with the ugly Dr Who for years. Not David Tenant who makes Niki Robinson's panties moist, the alien-looking motherfucker that came after him. The guy you get when you can't afford Benedict Cumberbatch.

Sarah Paulson! Our country's coldest lesbian! Can you even sexually validate those titties when they're attached to those cunt eyes? Sarah is a ride-or-die actress for Ryan Murphy, who casts her in everything. Like Lily, the hair and makeup team really uglied her up to make her look like Linda Tripp, but I assume everyone forgot about American Crime Story: Impeachment because of how retarded Jonah Hill's fat ugly sister looked as Monica. Completely missing the point that Monica was pretty damn hot when Bill fucked her. Anyway Sarah, this nomination feels like name value more than the performance. Sarah Paulson is dating Holland Taylor, aka the mom from Two and a Half Men, and if Sarah enjoys freaky 80-year-old lesbian sex, you do you Sarah.

Now we have Margaret Qualley, worst name of the group by far, librarian name. You might remember her from trying to fuck Brad Pitt in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Her mom is Andie MacDowell which is cool for Margaret because nobody would care about her otherwise. She got nominated for some shitty show where she cleans rooms, it's apparently based on some autobiography written by someone named Flavia. Her dating life is atrocious: Pete Davidson to start. She dated Shia LeBeouf when he got #MeToo'd, and now is engaged to Jack Antonoff, lead singer of Bleachers and Lena Dunham's ex. Bitch you're gonna marry Lena Dunham's sloppy seconds after sucking Pete Davidson & Shia LeBeouf cock? Cute little nipples though.

Last but not least, Amanda Seyfried, seen here sucking jew dick on a kayak. What oh what could I publicly say about Amanda that I haven't already privately said about Amanda? Mandy's done well for herself: Lacey Chabert is probably filming a Hallmark movie where she falls in love at Christmas. Lindsey Lohan is probably dead in a hotel room in Palm Springs. While Mandy gets Oscar and Emmy nominations left and right! She's married to some dude named Thomas who seems like a normal enough guy and I doubt ever fucked Lena Dunham.

Next year, Ortegaheads.

LEADING Actress in a Comedy Series 2023. And the Emmy.

It took Michael Jordan 7 seasons to win an NBA Championship, now nobody disputes he's the G.O.A.T.

Credit where credit is due. This was really fucking funny.

 

[Jenna]

Happy Wednesday onaforums!

So as many of you know, I'm travelling to Arlington, TX to attend Jen Con this weekend! Never been inside AT&T Stadium, fuckkkkking psyched!

Jen Con is the largest Jenna Ortega convention in North America by both attendance and number of events. It features traditional pen-and-paper, board, and card games about Jenna Ortega, including role-playing games about Jenna Ortega, miniatures wargames of Jenna Ortega, live action role-playing games where uglier women pretend to be Jenna Ortega, collectible card games about Jenna Ortega, and strategy games about Jenna Ortega. It's been a yearly tradition since 1968 despite Jenna not being born for another 34 years, but hey there was a lot of psychedelic drugs in the 60s.

Anyway, recently some bad faith artists have been harassing high-profile attendees of Jen Con. Making them feel unsafe and unwelcome in a happy place like Jen Con. #Imheretohelp. If any adorable 19-year-old Latinas want someone to protect them from the Nazis who will undoubtably attend, feel free to shoot me a PM. I'm happy to make you feel safe, as long as you reward me with a nice sloppy blowjob out of gratitude.

Anyway hope to see you all there!

 

[Conehead Nigger]

Dis bitch uggo

 

[Mitch Weaver]

Dis bitch uggo

Knock it off, spade.

 

[Jenna]

Once again, happy Wednesday onaforums!

The problem with a grounded, professional actress like Jenna is that she isn't always on TMZ getting shitfaced or showing her coochie while coming out of a limo. So there's not always sizzling hot Jenna gossip to deliver each and every week. This week, we're apparently back to more articles about Christina Ricci praising the series.

Wednesday: Christina Ricci "Flattered" to Join Tim Burton's Addams Family Reboot

It didn't take long for Netflix's Addams Family revival series, simply titled Wednesday, to bring [...]

comicbook.com

Kind of weird they keep making Ricci dance like a trained monkey to promote this, but hey whatever markets the show.

Instead I'd like to focus on a project Jenna wasn't in, but many of you (including myself) may have seen over this past week: Prey, the latest offering in the Predator series. Predator has always had its fanbase, but it's hardly at the tier of Star Wars, Harry Potter, Marvel, etc. So it's a pleasant surprise for the crew that Prey is the all-time number one premiere on Hulu! Why?

Big round Disney princess eyes (like Jenna)
Fat juicy kissable lips (like Jenna)
Not too light, not too dark skin (like Jenna)

If you want to unite a politically divided country/world, you make a woke movie with badass ETHNIC female protagonist, even throw in some racist French furtraders. But you make her pretty and relatable, while being a good enough actress to carry the movie, suddenly Proud Boys and Fox News dads will check it out as well, even if they call her "Pocahotass" the entire movie.

Meanwhile at Netflix, there's a big budget action movie starring Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans that seems full of expensive choreographed fight scenes, and it's already forgotten. People want to watch, want to talk about the fresh-faced indigenous girl fighting a Predator and her doggo.

Hollywood is a business, and cute nonwhite actresses who can actually act (so not Selena Gomez) are the key to selling your movie to everyone.

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

Kind of weird they keep making Ricci dance like a trained monkey to promote this, but hey whatever markets the show.

Not weird at all, Ricci is the only one with starpower, name recognition and mainstream appeal connected to the project.

Jenna who? The public says, but when they see Ricci they instantly recognize a true star, how could they not use her to promote the show?

 

[ThePepsiColaRapist]

Not weird at all, Ricci is the only one with starpower, name recognition and mainstream appeal connected to the project.

View attachment 58726

Jenna who? The public says, but when they see Ricci they instantly recognize a true star, how could they not use her to promote the show?

 

[Jenna]

Not weird at all, Ricci is the only one with starpower, name recognition and mainstream appeal connected to the project.

View attachment 58726

Jenna who? The public says, but when they see Ricci they instantly recognize a true star, how could they not use her to promote the show?

Well it's a lovely passing the torch moment, and making sure Netflix pays Christina enough to show up and do just that. There's a lot of millennials who grew up watching the two live-action movies, and getting Christina back is a great to market the show and get more people watching.

Christina Ricci Gives the New Wednesday Series Her Stamp of Approval - E! Online

Christina Ricci says it's two snaps for Netflix's Wednesday! Read what she said about the new Addams Family series arriving this fall.

www.eonline.com

Every fucking article (this one is from 2 days ago) is all about how great Jenna is and how happy Christina is that Jenna is filling her shoes. It's the same shit! Say who your character is already! I bet it's a teacher who takes a special interest in Wednesday.

 

[ThePepsiColaRapist]

Well it's a lovely passing the torch moment, and making sure Netflix pays Christina enough to show up and do just that. There's a lot of millennials who grew up watching the two live-action movies, and getting Christina back is a great to market the show and get more people watching.

Christina Ricci Gives the New Wednesday Series Her Stamp of Approval - E! Online

Christina Ricci says it's two snaps for Netflix's Wednesday! Read what she said about the new Addams Family series arriving this fall.

www.eonline.com

Every fucking article (this one is from 2 days ago) is all about how great Jenna is and how happy Christina is that Jenna is filling her shoes. It's the same shit! Say who your character is already! I bet it's a teacher who takes a special interest in Wednesday.

I think you're a pedophile.

 

[Jenna]

I think you're a pedophile.

Thanks for the accusation PepsiColaRapist but Jenna doesn't do sex crimes or second-tier soft drinks.

 

[Jenna]

Holy shit what a Wednesday, the teaser dropped! Some cunt named Dalton gets his dicked chewed off by piranhas and then the teaser does a fantastic job at setting the tone without giving too much away.

Jenna's delivery as Wednesday looks impeccable, psycho and emotionless but maybe ready to make some diverse friends (it is Netflix) at Hogwarts. There's a bloody mystery but we only get hints and glimpses of carnivals and blood. Between that and the piranha circumcision, at the very least you can tell this isn't a kiddie show.

Still no Ricci anywhere to be seen, and Guzman appears to only be in one scene driving her to Hogwarts. Plus Fall 2022, meaning hopefully in the next few months but I'd expect it to be released around October in time for Halloween.

 

[Snake]

Holy shit what a Wednesday, the teaser dropped! Some cunt named Dalton gets his dicked chewed off by piranhas and then the teaser does a fantastic job at setting the tone without giving too much away.

Jenna's delivery as Wednesday looks impeccable, psycho and emotionless but maybe ready to make some diverse friends (it is Netflix) at Hogwarts. There's a bloody mystery but we only get hints and glimpses of carnivals and blood. Between that and the piranha circumcision, at the very least you can tell this isn't a kiddie show.

Still no Ricci anywhere to be seen, and Guzman appears to only be in one scene driving her to Hogwarts. Plus Fall 2022, meaning hopefully in the next few months but I'd expect it to be released around October in time for Halloween.

You fuck babies and eat them. Seek help.

 

[SensibleKeks]

Holy shit what a Wednesday, the teaser dropped! Some cunt named Dalton gets his dicked chewed off by piranhas and then the teaser does a fantastic job at setting the tone without giving too much away.

Jenna's delivery as Wednesday looks impeccable, psycho and emotionless but maybe ready to make some diverse friends (it is Netflix) at Hogwarts. There's a bloody mystery but we only get hints and glimpses of carnivals and blood. Between that and the piranha circumcision, at the very least you can tell this isn't a kiddie show.

Still no Ricci anywhere to be seen, and Guzman appears to only be in one scene driving her to Hogwarts. Plus Fall 2022, meaning hopefully in the next few months but I'd expect it to be released around October in time for Halloween.

I laughed and cried in all the right places.

When she did something evil but then gave a knowingly sly smirk afterwords; how could something so wrong feel so right!!

Gang, I think Sopranosposting is about to be replaced with Wednesdayposting

 

[Jenna]

I laughed and cried in all the right places.

When she did something evil but then gave a knowingly sly smirk afterwords; how could something so wrong feel so right!!

Gang, I think Sopranosposting is about to be replaced with Wednesdayposting

Jenna was born the week in between the Sopranos episodes "No Show" and "Christopher".

You might as well tell her Wednesday will never live up to the perfection of Leave it to Beaver. Old man thinks old show is better than any of the shit on television.

 

[Jenna]

Good morning! What day of the week is it?

Today's episode we're taking a look at the imdb starmeter, found here!

IMDb Top Star Meter

Check out the names with the highest star meter on IMDb

m.imdb.com

It can be difficult to gauge exactly how popular an actress is, and while imdb's starmeter isn't perfect it tends to be a solid indicator. It changes on a weekly basis, so let's see where we're at.

Okay okay, so #1 is Anne Heche, probably because everyone heard she killed herself driving drunk and went "what else was she is besides that movie with Harrison Ford?" Enjoy the last fleeting moments of relevancy before you're remembered as Ellen's ex who got shitfaced and drove into someone's house.

#2 is She-Hulk, #3 is the Sandman, which makes sense. These are the hottest shows on Disney+ and Netflix respectively right now with a lot of people watching them, makes sense to imdb them. #6 and #7 are also cast members of Sandman, while Mark Ruffalo doesn't crack the top 100 (embarrassing). #5 is the girl from Prey, #8 is the guy who plays Elvis in Elvis.

So everyone in the top 8 is either starring in a project people are currently binging, or recently died in a fiery automobile wreck. Then there's #4.



The Wednesday teaser is officially a couple thousand views away from cracking 7M, so maybe now is a good time to view it again? Either way, Jenna's star is unquestionably soaring higher than ever, based on a simple teaser trailer. The internet is abuzz, and all the chatter is about Jenna Jenna Jenna.

The hype is real. The audience is interested. The testicles are being chewed off by piranhas. Factually speaking, Jenna Ortega is the third most popular alive celebrity in the world, and she'll only get more popular when Wednesday premieres.

 

[Jenna]

Happy Wednesday onaforums!

Fun episode today! A dope at Bounding Into Comics (god I hate that name) stopped whining that Patrick called Tucker Carlson a white supremacist long enough to write a passive aggressive article about Jenna!

‘Wednesday’ Star Jenna Ortega Wants Her "Latina Character" "To Represent My Community"

Jenna Ortega recently revealed that she views starring as Netflix’s ‘Wednesday’ as ‘an opportunity to represent’ her Latina ‘community.’

boundingintocomics.com

Jenna Ortega, star of Netflix’s forthcoming Wednesday streaming series, recently revealed that she views portraying the eponymous character as “an opportunity to represent” her Latina “community.” We all should politely note this and feel free to express ourselves similarly.​

Right off the bat, author Paul Hair makes it clear what this article is about. Jenna is happy to represent the Latina community, WHY CAN'T I DO THE SAME AS A WHITE MAN?!?!? WAHHHH WAHHHHH WAHHHH! Paul Hair just wants to preach white power and can't understand why anyone would have a problem with this.

On August 24th Netflix released a featurette that shows a little bit about the new streaming series and Ortega’s portrayal of Wednesday. Generally speaking, it’s rather uninteresting, which is how these things usually go.

However, around the 1:31 mark Ortega starts talking about how important racial solidarity is to her. “Wednesday is technically a Latina character and that’s never been represented. So, for me, anytime that I have an opportunity to represent my community, I want that to be seen.”​

For such a proud boy, he really does come off like a catty little faggot, doesn't he? Yes, the Addams family was written to be Latino, but as is the case with many other properties, got somewhat whitewashed. Raul Julia was Puerto Rican, but our girl Christina is white. This modern take makes all four member Latino.

Good for her. White people should follow her lead and start prioritizing our own racial solidarity.

As always, now comes the part where progressives, conservatives, and libertarians (but I repeat myself) shriek in outrage and make baseless accusations. I’m going to ignore them.​

Glory glory blood and soil! Glory glory blood and soil! Glory glory blood and soil! The white man marches on!

I am simply pointing out what a Hollywood actress has said and then saying we should all be free to enjoy the same ability to express ourselves. No hysteria, no encouraging anyone to get into arguments about this, and not a hint of animosity aimed towards Ortega.

After all, I think everyone can agree that the same standards should apply equally to everyone. With this said, let’s review the two major things Wednesday has so far shown us as being perfectly acceptable speech.​

I've never seen white supremacy done so passive aggressively in my life. Hey guys no hysteria, no animosity towards Jenna, I just wanna secure a future for white children that's all!

First, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell stories that include depictions of catastrophically attacking the reproductive organs of high school kids. Second, it’s okay to be proud of (in stories and in real life) your race and it’s okay to emphasize to everyone how important your race is to you.

And in all fairness to the cast and crew of Wednesday, the speech the series is embracing isn’t unique to it. All of this has been standard fare for Hollywood for a long time.​

You understand Jenna does horror movies where she gets mutilated, stabbed, all sorts of violence. Many times by white people. Stop clutching your pearls Paul.

And as I keep saying, this is all well and good—no complaints here. But since this speech is approved for some, it is approved for all and we get to play by the same rules regardless of who may object.

Furthermore, when you think about it, we are under no obligation to look to precedent to justify what we say or do in any aspect of life (even as I just did). After all, the progressive-conservative-libertarian alliance says and does the most appalling things and never apologizes for its behavior.​

Fucking dork actually thinks Democrats and Republicans have an "alliance" against white supremacists like him.

Our rulers have no moral authority over us. Indeed, we have the moral high ground and we shouldn’t pretend that we have to answer to them on anything.

But I digress. Ultimately what I’m saying is that while I think it is worthwhile to pay attention to what Hollywood is doing I no longer believe in fighting to try to change it; its severe views are severely ingrained.

Instead, I believe in noting the rules and going our own way, which is why I’ve been writing about Wednesday in a very matter-of-fact fashion. Our focus, as far as entertainment goes, should be on action—telling new stories and creating new culture in a quite unapologetic manner.

I’ll wrap this up the same way I wrapped up my last piece: Netflix and Wednesday—and all of Hollywood—are going to do whatever it is they are going to do. We should do the same.​

It's a silly show about a cute girl who makes macabre jokes. Stop getting your panties in a bunch, Paul.

In conclusion, I am formally inviting Paul Hair to join onaforums so I can drive him to suicide.

 

[Jenna]

Happy Wednesday onaforums! First a bit of Jenna news:

Tim Burton’s “Wednesday” Not Coming to Netflix in Time for Halloween?

Tim Burton is bringing The Addams Family back to the small screen with Netflix‘s “Wednesday,” but we’ve learned today that the series is not part of Netflix’s Halloween slate. Netflix released their full “Netflix and Chills” lineup for this year, and though “Wednesday” is still set for “Fall...

bloody-disgusting.com

Netflix has apparently released it's schedule of Halloween programming and Wednesday didn't get a release date for October, instead being listed as "Fall 2022", which we can only assume means November. Disappointing but oh well.

Elsewhere on the internet, bounding into comics author Paul Hair has not written another article since being called out in the Ortegathread last week. This leaves other authors like Jon Del Arroz free to write articles about their favorite subject, Jon Del Arroz being told by yet another group of people they don't want him there.

The Dice Tower Bans 'Overmind' Creator Jon Del Arroz From Dice Tower West Convention Over YouTube Commentary

The Dice Tower board gaming group recently banned 'Overmind' creator Jon Del Arroz from attending their upcoming Dice Tower West convention.

boundingintocomics.com

But, in today's most important news, Jenna finally came to me in a dream last night! Not a sex dream you pervs, but nobody reads this thread anyway so 100% this is how it happened:

I'm in a nightclub, it's dark but people are there. My social anxiety when I'm around strangers tends to manifest itself in dreams, and I gotta go to a fancy nightclub this weekend to celebrate a friend's birthday. So I'm wandering around not knowing anybody nursing a drink when I come across a table of people and start chatting them up. Blah blah blah, then I notice one of their group is resting her eyes on her friend's shoulder, she lifts her head and it's Jenna.

Now I'm bad at recognizing dreams so I act the way I act in real life. "Holy shit are you Jenna Ortega?" She's tired, groggy, maybe on Xanax or drank too much, and just generally seems weirded out. So I walk around the table and go "I loved you in The Fallout", she goes "what?", I yell louder "I LOVED YOU IN THE FALLOUT", "oh thanks". Everyone feels uncomfortable so I walk away. See you next time in my dreams Jenna, hope we've broken the ice!