Canadiana, best and worst

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I watch this old drunk motherfucker one time pick up a sick beaver by the tail and swing it as hard as he could like a goddamn baseball bat against a tree.

I was probably four but the two things I remember that makes me laugh about it is when the beaver hit the tree and died the dude fell all the way to the ground because he was so drunk, and he killed the beaver in front of like thirty kids because it was near our playground.

I remember our preschool teacher started screaming and cursing him out in French. It was probably the most Canadian shit I've ever witnessed.

I can't stop laughing. Dude he must've fucking WAILED it off the tree. They're so tough.

I saw some drunk NY fag try to pick a snapping turtle up by the shell and almost get his fingers bitten off and then my buddy's dad pushed the guy out of the way, grabbed it by the tail and hucked it back out into the lake.

 

[guest]

I can't stop laughing. Dude he must've fucking WAILED it off the tree. They're so tough.

Dude he swung that motherfucker like he was at Yankees stadium. It just went THWUNK! against the tree but the guy kept rotating until he fell all the way to the ground.

And my teacher was just screaming Sortez d'ici tout de suite! Tu ne vois pas qu'il y a des enfants ici? Espèce d'imbécile!

It was such a what the fuck just happened moment that he did it in front of a bunch of four year olds and nobody cried. We couldn't process what was happening.

The wet cracking thump of that beaver hitting the tree and the thud and oof sounds the guy made when he fell will never leave my memory.

 

[PickleRickle]

This thread blew up. (8 Fawwkin pages)

Can anyone give me a quick rundown of it?

Remember dis, remember dat. Canadian member berries. Some good beaver tales, milk bag talk.

 

[Turk February]

This thread blew up. (8 Fawwkin pages)

Can anyone give me a quick rundown of it?

yeah, we talked about Canadian shit cuz we were fucking up another post

 

[guest]

Remember dis, remember dat. Canadian member berries. Some good beaver tales, milk bag talk.

Talking about the zone, beaver killers and 4 l of milk in a bag, big dog lol.

 

[PickleRickle]

Talking about the zone, beaver killers and 4 l of milk in a bag, big dog lol.

We gon' chin-check yo shit with Freddy and Paul from The Zone, BDSM slime chucker and the mothafuckin' Fred 10 more dead Penner

 

[guest]

We gon' chin-check yo shit with Freddy and Paul from The Zone, BDSM slime chucker and the mothafuckin' Fred 10 more dead Penner

Then when we're done we're taking the bitches out to pizza nova, then go back to our place and fuck em on our big comfy couch while we watch a cronenberg movie.

 

[PickleRickle]

Did you guys ever have a sick or demented kid you grew up with? Im talkin' some goon that would pull the legs off daddy long-legs levels of fucked? Watching the head roll around and laughing about it sorta sicko?

 

[Turk February]

Did you guys ever have a sick or demented kid you grew up with? Im talkin' some goon that would pull the legs off daddy long-legs levels of fucked? Watching the head roll around and laughing about it sorta sicko?

Ummm, I'm afraid Abe may have been that kid.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Ummm, I'm afraid Abe may have been that kid.

Apparently some retarded girl who pretended to be an animal all the time ate a frog or part of a frog in this little wooden train thing on the playground. I didn't see it happen but everyone who said they did were pretty fucked up about it which makes me believe that she totally did it. That same girl came up and bit me on the back of the neck while I was drinking from the water fountain one time. Retards are savages and they all wanted to kill me at my school for no reason.

 

[guest]

Did you guys ever have a sick or demented kid you grew up with? Im talkin' some goon that would pull the legs off daddy long-legs levels of fucked? Watching the head roll around and laughing about it sorta sicko?

I stayed far away from that kid. He freaked me the fuck out. When I finally just decided I was a perma American and moved to Minneapolis in my 20s, the Montréal cops were looking at him for a rape.

 

[T-t-t-Terry!]

This Hour Has 22 Minutes - I actually always found it funny growing up

You're a bad person

 

[T-t-t-Terry!]

9 fucking pages?

 

[guest]

9 fucking pages?

Well, 12.13 pages with the conversion.

Boom, Canadian money joke! We're back on track.

 

[T-t-t-Terry!]

Well, 12.13 pages with the conversion.

Boom, Canadian money joke! We're back on track.

Shut up, separatist

 

[Turk February]

9 fucking pages?

I think I can hit 10

 

[guest]

Shut up, separatist

tu la tais, porc américain

 

[Turk February]

tu la tais, porc américain

il n'est pas serieux

 

[guest]

il n'est pas sérieux

je sais, je participe à sa blague

 

[PickleRickle]

'Eh, gotta shmoke?
Ever had a bad run in with an injun? I'm too lazy to type the long stories, but I threw an inflatable ball at an injuns head at an in-door swimming place once, he caught me (was hoping I could nail the side of his head and he wouldnt perceive the direction, but I laughed out loud when it hit him) and just looked at me and went "I want to skin you like a dog"