No Jokes. Real Question. FOR REAL. Do you have serious thoughts of Suicide?

[DMAN]

at my work every 6 months or so, they'll have presenters give suicide prevention talks and offer all the phone numbers, websites etc (nice job that makes people want to commit suicide, stupid)
But I can't just up and admit "Hi I understand you're here to do the "don't kill yourselves" bit, however I'm more inclined to be homicidal if some bad shit is gonna snowball. Where's my homicide prevention talks?"
Can I get a witness?

Das dat mass killing? Dat mass killing? Straight from Queens?

 

[CQ Beans]

The DMAN has had it in his mind at his lowest, but he usually only gets to that point when he's being a dramatic little fudge about something stupid that later has a chuckle about, or forgets completely. Once he picks himself up, dusts off, and heads forward.

It is nothing but an empty threat one makes to themselves, while enjoying their own pity. It's like reverse dopamine, replaying your worst thoughts, sending you into that shame spiral, knowing you're absolutely finished. Maybe popping a little sad music on there that makes you feel like a MOPE. But a temporary daydream your mind doesn't let you wake up from.

Friends and Fans, if you ever have thoughts of suicide. Just think to yourself. Instead of just ending it there quietly... Try something outrageous - Be selfish. Take out huge loans. Start a business, you literally have a 50/50 shot as long as you pray and thank the lord for what he done. Take ridiculous risks, run your credit into the ground buying things you always wanted like an Anthony might. We say 'might' because The DMAN hasn't taken any shots at Anthony lately, and The DMAN would like to keep it that way. (O&A 30th, summer 2024)

The truth is, The DMAN has never even gotten to the stage of even CONSIDERING the method of suicide -- That's how he knows it's just a dramatic empty thread to oneself. Would never try to shoot self. Too scared of heights to even climb let alone jump off anything. Would rather live another 90 years fearing death than ever be burned alive. However The DMAN appreciates and cherishes life, but at his worst moments, he does consider especially if he were to be diagnosed with any incurable disease. What's the point? Do you really love life that much that you would undergo that which make you even less capable of living your life as it was? Bed-ridden? Where we at with that? The DMAN is going to hang up (the phone, not himself) and listen to your answer.

Why'd ya do it, Steve?

Da Man spitting reality. People that actually survive are always relieved when they survive from what I’ve heard. They don’t really want death. They just want relief. Reach out and touch faith.

 

[Rutherford_b_Blaze]

My father tried to commit suicide with his motorcycle in the garage. His wife found him and he ended up with brain damage. Everyone called him Special Ed after that and he thought that song was hilarious

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

My father tried to commit suicide with his motorcycle in the garage. His wife found him and he ended up with brain damage. Everyone called him Special Ed after that and he thought that song was hilarious

How old were you?

 

[Rutherford_b_Blaze]

How old were you?

Fifteen. He lived another ten years before the booze killed his heart. I used to call him "Suicide Ed" but only behind his back. I used to call his second wife "Salt Shaker Sara" because she died and he kept a portion of her ashes in a tiny urn the size of a salt shaker.

 

[Queefer Sutherland]

I'm not letting Sam Roberts outlive me.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

It can't be any more embarrassing or inconvenient than the fact that Abe faints irl if he sees yucky things.

It's not just yucky things. It's specific things that remind me of other fucked up things I've seen that didn't bother me at the time that I saw them. It's weird. Ol' Abe's seen some shit.

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

Fifteen. He lived another ten years before the booze killed his heart. I used to call him "Suicide Ed" but only behind his back.

That's horrible, man. My condolences, for what they're worth

 

[Rutherford_b_Blaze]

That's horrible, man. My condolences, for what they're worth

They're worth a whole lot pal so thanks. At the time I didn't think it affected me and joked about it so much that it kind of didn't. Nice coping mechanism, stupid.

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

They're worth a whole lot pal so thanks. At the time I didn't think it affected me and joked about it so much that it kind of didn't. Nice coping mechanism, stupid.

Fathers are powerful people to their children

 

[guest]

This is Q the actor that plays Quasimoto. My cousin killed himself when I was in highschool and my uncle has never recovered. So fawkin don’t do it

 

[DMAN]

Fifteen. He lived another ten years before the booze killed his heart. I used to call him "Suicide Ed" but only behind his back. I used to call his second wife "Salt Shaker Sara" because she died and he kept a portion of her ashes in a tiny urn the size of a salt shaker.

Wow, you were tailor made for O&A you cold hearted iceman.

 

[guest]

Now that I am acting again, I get really fawking suicidal during asthma attacks.

 

[Brooke Shields]

Das dat mass killing? Dat mass killing? Straight from Queens?

"..Glowie"

 

[Rutherford_b_Blaze]

Wow, you were tailor made for O&A you cold hearted iceman.

That's what the old man gets for playing me a cassette called "Demented World" at the tender age of 7

 

[DMAN]

"..Glowie"

What's in that taco meat?

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

That's what the old man gets for playing me a cassette called "Demented World" at the tender age of 7

Fucking yankee

 

[Rutherford_b_Blaze]

This is Q the actor that plays Quasimoto. My cousin killed himself when I was in highschool and my uncle has never recovered. So fawkin don’t do it

Fawk man. My condolences

 

[DMAN]

Fucking yankee

Yeah, maybe he shoulda been watching Degrassi with the literal bug chaser gay characters with AIDS, and they're sympathetic characters. ON A KID'S SHOW!

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

I'm not letting Sam Roberts outlive me.

I had a younger cousin who pre-deceased me and even though he wasn't invested in internet autism like I am and didn't know any of the internet figures I fixate on (which is more an indictment on my character than anything) I look at certain people and think "Come on you couldn't have outlived him?"