• Reminder: Do not call, text, or mention harrassing someone in real life. Do not encourage it. Do not talk about killing or using violence against anyone, or engaging in any criminal behavior. If it is not an obvious joke even when taken out of context, don't post it. Please report violators.

    DMCA, complaints, and other inquiries:

    [email protected]

"As usual, they're pretty light"

IGotATreeOnMyHouse85

Stand Alone Fruit
Forum Clout
240,339
He never talks about books or authors he likes. The reason he tried sci-fi was because he watches Star Trek and Star Wars. His writing gives it away; it comes off like someone who watches TV and barely reads.



Obviously, he can't get another publishing contract. He doesn't like Dickens or Victorian lit either. There is no love in his project. It came to him because Pride & Predjucie & Zombies and Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter were hits, and he wants to get in on that.
Also note the market for people wanting to read this book is very small since “Christmas” is in the title. People that love Christmas love watching Christmas movies starting in late Nov until end of December. Who wants to read a Christmas type murder story the other 10 months of the year? At least the other guy who did the idea didn’t put Christmas in the title since it would really limit its window to sell. But he’s so set on this (autism) being an amazing idea and something that would have been a cut away joke on 30 Rock.
 

TorquieTwoBeers

Forum Clout
26,934
So he's claiming here that he's read each of his books "3-9 times" (an autistic-style estimate) before they "hit the shelves". I think this part of Gate Crashers is worth re-visiting, because it is a glaring error that made it to print:

Towards the end of Gate Crashers, the crew goes to another planet to talk to some political people. There's six characters: Maximus Tiberius, Allison, Felix, D'armic (side note, imo this character should be d'Armic because D'armic makes no sense), Harris, and Jacqueline (Jackie). Jackie is a space shuttle driver. So here we go:

d20f27b2e01b6074568e128152c902c3.jpg

Allison orders a cab/shuttle, driven by Jackie, to take them to the planet. When they get there, Jackie is ordered to stay with the shuttle ("keep the engines warm") so the crew can make a hasty getaway later if needed. Jackie complies. A few pages later, the crew is inside of the planet and we get this:

9eb0fdb8763c4bd94e280ff7e41d603c.jpg


wwwwwhooops. Jackie is inside the planet with the rest of the crew. Thought she was supposed to be with the shuttle keeping the engines warm?

A few pages after that, Felix is ordered to go back to the shuttle so he can go home:

bb2619d7aa3e727be47dcd502df8a4f4.jpg


When he gets to the shuttle, who is there waiting for him? Jackie:

b6edcf61855246524a5b4259b9bd5048.jpg


wwwwhooops. I thought she was with the crew, "[standing] in awe of the doors"? Pat, did you lose track of your characters and have one of them in two places at once? Wouldn't you catch something like this if you read this book "3-9 times" before it hit the shelves? I only read it once and this error stuck out like a sore thumb. Fat idiot.
 

IGotATreeOnMyHouse85

Stand Alone Fruit
Forum Clout
240,339
So he's claiming here that he's read each of his books "3-9 times" (an autistic-style estimate) before they "hit the shelves". I think this part of Gate Crashers is worth re-visiting, because it is a glaring error that made it to print:

Towards the end of Gate Crashers, the crew goes to another planet to talk to some political people. There's six characters: Maximus Tiberius, Allison, Felix, D'armic (side note, imo this character should be d'Armic because D'armic makes no sense), Harris, and Jacqueline (Jackie). Jackie is a space shuttle driver. So here we go:

d20f27b2e01b6074568e128152c902c3.jpg

Allison orders a cab/shuttle, driven by Jackie, to take them to the planet. When they get there, Jackie is ordered to stay with the shuttle ("keep the engines warm") so the crew can make a hasty getaway later if needed. Jackie complies. A few pages later, the crew is inside of the planet and we get this:

9eb0fdb8763c4bd94e280ff7e41d603c.jpg


wwwwwhooops. Jackie is inside the planet with the rest of the crew. Thought she was supposed to be with the shuttle keeping the engines warm?

A few pages after that, Felix is ordered to go back to the shuttle so he can go home:

bb2619d7aa3e727be47dcd502df8a4f4.jpg


When he gets to the shuttle, who is there waiting for him? Jackie:

b6edcf61855246524a5b4259b9bd5048.jpg


wwwwhooops. I thought she was with the crew, "[standing] in awe of the doors"? Pat, did you lose track of your characters and have one of them in two places at once? Wouldn't you catch something like this if you read this book "3-9 times" before it hit the shelves? I only read it once and this error stuck out like a sore thumb. Fat idiot.
This is what happens when an author thinks it’s a good idea to write while getting shitfaced.
 

Ladynyahh

Big Jewish tits
Forum Clout
34,653
So he's claiming here that he's read each of his books "3-9 times" (an autistic-style estimate) before they "hit the shelves". I think this part of Gate Crashers is worth re-visiting, because it is a glaring error that made it to print:

Towards the end of Gate Crashers, the crew goes to another planet to talk to some political people. There's six characters: Maximus Tiberius, Allison, Felix, D'armic (side note, imo this character should be d'Armic because D'armic makes no sense), Harris, and Jacqueline (Jackie). Jackie is a space shuttle driver. So here we go:

d20f27b2e01b6074568e128152c902c3.jpg

Allison orders a cab/shuttle, driven by Jackie, to take them to the planet. When they get there, Jackie is ordered to stay with the shuttle ("keep the engines warm") so the crew can make a hasty getaway later if needed. Jackie complies. A few pages later, the crew is inside of the planet and we get this:

9eb0fdb8763c4bd94e280ff7e41d603c.jpg


wwwwwhooops. Jackie is inside the planet with the rest of the crew. Thought she was supposed to be with the shuttle keeping the engines warm?

A few pages after that, Felix is ordered to go back to the shuttle so he can go home:

bb2619d7aa3e727be47dcd502df8a4f4.jpg


When he gets to the shuttle, who is there waiting for him? Jackie:

b6edcf61855246524a5b4259b9bd5048.jpg


wwwwhooops. I thought she was with the crew, "[standing] in awe of the doors"? Pat, did you lose track of your characters and have one of them in two places at once? Wouldn't you catch something like this if you read this book "3-9 times" before it hit the shelves? I only read it once and this error stuck out like a sore thumb. Fat idiot.
Holee shit. 43 chapters of this schlock?
 

Josef Kuminski

кормить бабушку
Forum Clout
6,566
Im sure pat scoffs at any of the criticism and suggestions. I bet he is as difficult as possible through the whole process.
This why all of this is one giant work.
Also note the market for people wanting to read this book is very small since “Christmas” is in the title. People that love Christmas love watching Christmas movies starting in late Nov until end of December. Who wants to read a Christmas type murder story the other 10 months of the year? At least the other guy who did the idea didn’t put Christmas in the title since it would really limit its window to sell. But he’s so set on this (autism) being an amazing idea and something that would have been a cut away joke on 30 Rock.
someone also mentioned the earliest this could come out would be 2025. All of this is being done so he can justify “going the self publish route”.

“My agent said the soonest unnamed publishing company said this could hit shelves would be q4 2025. My fans have demanded it come out sooner, so I’ve decided to go the self publishing route so they can have it for Christmas this year”.

You watch this faggot try this shit.
 

Sue Lightning

IS SHE TALKING ABOUT ME?
Forum Clout
118,390
If you want be an author for a living you better be Paul the Apostle or a millionaire. Because if you fuck up, hell even if you “hit it big”, theres no benefits. No retirement plan etc etc…and we all know how fat and poor Rick is. You give him a million dollars and he’ll just piss it away living on it till it’s nothing. Seriously, what is this fat rube going to do if god forbid Lynne turns off the lights? Can any of us seriously picture a 60 year old Patrick being a door greeter? If that time ever comes make no mistake he will turn violent and it will be worse than the fate Bernell suffered.
 

IGotATreeOnMyHouse85

Stand Alone Fruit
Forum Clout
240,339
If you want be an author for a living you better be Paul the Apostle or a millionaire. Because if you fuck up, hell even if you “hit it big”, theres no benefits. No retirement plan etc etc…and we all know how fat and poor Rick is. You give him a million dollars and he’ll just piss it away living on it till it’s nothing. Seriously, what is this fat rube going to do if god forbid Lynne turns off the lights? Can any of us seriously picture a 60 year old Patrick being a door greeter? If that time ever comes make no mistake he will turn violent and it will be worse than the fate Bernell suffered.
What’s funny is Pat is pretty much unqualified for any half way decent job. He’s too much of a miserable cunt to do any kind of customer service position, doesn’t have a degree, is too old and fat to do anything physical labor so he’s looking at minimum wage. He would get fired from everything due to being such an arrogant prick that would fight with their manager / boss.
 

AliceWorquer

Fat bitch with faggot tits
Forum Clout
18,184
Patrick's agent for the Ark was Russel Galen, who is legit and also represents Harry Turtledove and Terry Goodkind.
Patrick isn't mentioned on Galen's website at all so I guess they parted ways, but assuming it is still Galen (it's not) then the reason the notes are light is because he has other way more important things to do than help Patrick polish this turd.
There is nothing heavy to be said about Christmas Carnage and agents aren't editors anyway so light notes don't really mean much. It's more telling that there isn't any mention of an opinion. Patrick sent it to an agent, the agent didn't have much to say about it and now it needs rewriting. Technicality Tomlinson does it again.
 
G

guest

Guest
Patrick's agent for the Ark was Russel Galen, who is legit and also represents Harry Turtledove and Terry Goodkind.
Patrick isn't mentioned on Galen's website at all so I guess they parted ways, but assuming it is still Galen (it's not) then the reason the notes are light is because he has other way more important things to do than help Patrick polish this turd.
There is nothing heavy to be said about Christmas Carnage and agents aren't editors anyway so light notes don't really mean much. It's more telling that there isn't any mention of an opinion. Patrick sent it to an agent, the agent didn't have much to say about it and now it needs rewriting. Technicality Tomlinson does it again.
What makes me laugh is that if it were a book that they were putting money behind and we're investing in there would be heavy notes (most legitimate and professional authors receive very copious amounts of notes about their books before release)

And that would usually be the lie that he would say, but his delusional ego does not want to give us the opportunity to say that his book was so bad that there's a ton of rewrites so he's going to pretend like his "agent" or "editor" or whatever was like magnifico! Change nothing Patrick! It's a goddamned motherfucking masterpiece!

This dude is faker than a silicone titty on a tranny. Every single author from the ones you've never heard of all the way up to people who rock the New York times bestseller list every time they write something all get heavy amounts of notes, but we are supposed to believe that homerun Tomlinson can just knock it out of the park with no changes needed.
 

Udders

Deeply interwoven in the pest community
Forum Clout
47,981
Patrick is legitimately the type of guy to argue with his editor about corrections. “No, child. The comma deserves to go there. Commas CAN be used as pauses in sentences, not a connector to break up a sentence. I’m sorry you’re so stupid.” So why even fucking have one.
No, child. It's "I'm sorry, you're so stupid."
 

DominusOdium

Well, somebody had to be.
Forum Clout
40,240
Patrick's agent for the Ark was Russel Galen, who is legit and also represents Harry Turtledove and Terry Goodkind.
Patrick isn't mentioned on Galen's website at all so I guess they parted ways, but assuming it is still Galen (it's not) then the reason the notes are light is because he has other way more important things to do than help Patrick polish this turd.
There is nothing heavy to be said about Christmas Carnage and agents aren't editors anyway so light notes don't really mean much. It's more telling that there isn't any mention of an opinion. Patrick sent it to an agent, the agent didn't have much to say about it and now it needs rewriting. Technicality Tomlinson does it again.
Wonder if an independent journalist briefly and professionally asked him if he was still representing Patty if he'd confirm or deny.
 

chewtoyrapist

Comin for that ass, nigga.
Forum Clout
16,429
Patrick's agent for the Ark was Russel Galen, who is legit and also represents Harry Turtledove and Terry Goodkind.
Patrick isn't mentioned on Galen's website at all so I guess they parted ways, but assuming it is still Galen (it's not) then the reason the notes are light is because he has other way more important things to do than help Patrick polish this turd.
There is nothing heavy to be said about Christmas Carnage and agents aren't editors anyway so light notes don't really mean much. It's more telling that there isn't any mention of an opinion. Patrick sent it to an agent, the agent didn't have much to say about it and now it needs rewriting. Technicality Tomlinson does it again.
Everything I know about the agenting bizniss comes from watching Entourage ("half my lit agents have an IQ under 65"), but he probably has some kind of underling that reads pat's shit, makes a couple of notes, and mass emails publishers with [email protected] as the sender and maybe they'll get a response and a check in the mail if it isn't complete shit. Pat can't even get tor to let him finish a trilogy he started with them, so that should let you know how that's going.
 

CQ Beans

Forum Clout
6,522
What’s funny is Pat is pretty much unqualified for any half way decent job. He’s too much of a miserable cunt to do any kind of customer service position, doesn’t have a degree, is too old and fat to do anything physical labor so he’s looking at minimum wage. He would get fired from everything due to being such an arrogant prick that would fight with their manager / boss.
He didn’t even last an entire shift at Target or someplace by his own admission.
 

PorqueDealer

Portly Pepperoni Purveyor
Forum Clout
37,558
Patrick's agent for the Ark was Russel Galen, who is legit and also represents Harry Turtledove and Terry Goodkind.
Patrick isn't mentioned on Galen's website at all so I guess they parted ways, but assuming it is still Galen (it's not) then the reason the notes are light is because he has other way more important things to do than help Patrick polish this turd.
There is nothing heavy to be said about Christmas Carnage and agents aren't editors anyway so light notes don't really mean much. It's more telling that there isn't any mention of an opinion. Patrick sent it to an agent, the agent didn't have much to say about it and now it needs rewriting. Technicality Tomlinson does it again.

It would be foolish to just drop a client unless they had done something particularly heinous as they could at any point land something lucrative that you claim your 10% on. On the flipside, if they have brought you in literally nothing in 4 years and before that was ~$300 a month then you aren't going to really expend much resources.
It now been added to an excel spreadsheet that goes out to bidders. If someone is interested great, Russ will be too busy looking after his cashcows and grooming new talent.
Fatty's window of opportunity is long gone, no-one will take a chance on him for the money he thinks he commands and Pat will never accept the meagre offers given.
 
Top