"As usual, they're pretty light"

[AwfulManTitTankTop]

Hack Keruoac
James Fries
George Borewell
Eater Benchley

 

[EraGodless]

Oscar Meyer Wilde
William Chocolate Shakespeare

Frank Sherbert
William Cadbury

 

[EraGodless]

"Dial the snark back about 30% and we can continue."

I bet you $1,000 that that's not something that his book company said, but something some teacher said in lieu of "SHUT THE FUCK UP, FAGGOT" when Patrick would interrupt his class.

How he has not gotten his teeth punched out the back of his head, is beyond me.

 

[WifeStoreWill]

How he has not gotten his teeth punched out the back of his head, is beyond me.

Because he doesn’t talk like that to people in real life unless he’s got a dozen pink shirted fat chicks protecting him.

 

[RickReternal]

He didn’t even last an entire shift at Target or someplace by his own admission.

Still blows my mind that this loser said working retail was below him. Fair to say that the majority of people have worked in retail or service or both. His self-rating is absolutely delusional, maybe even psychotic.

 

[JebJoh]

“This is dedicated to Annabelle, I’d love to be in your life, but tweeting all day is more important to me, find your own way home, child.”

No worries there her mom seems to have quite a stepdad trap in her pants.

 

[JebJoh]

I'm no writer but I'd be annoyed if an agent was giving me shit to change. Even he's a "super agent" It's my fawkin book and I'll write it the way I goddamn want to. If you want to get all creative then write your own fucking book.

Agents (editors really) for literary books will make some suggestions if his agent is editing he’s writing some targeted book that the agent has an audience for. Likely he’s taking submissions from several failures to see who follows instructions better.

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

So he's claiming here that he's read each of his books "3-9 times" (an autistic-style estimate) before they "hit the shelves". I think this part of Gate Crashers is worth re-visiting, because it is a glaring error that made it to print:

Towards the end of Gate Crashers, the crew goes to another planet to talk to some political people. There's six characters: Maximus Tiberius, Allison, Felix, D'armic (side note, imo this character should be d'Armic because D'armic makes no sense), Harris, and Jacqueline (Jackie). Jackie is a space shuttle driver. So here we go:

Allison orders a cab/shuttle, driven by Jackie, to take them to the planet. When they get there, Jackie is ordered to stay with the shuttle ("keep the engines warm") so the crew can make a hasty getaway later if needed. Jackie complies. A few pages later, the crew is inside of the planet and we get this:

wwwwwhooops. Jackie is inside the planet with the rest of the crew. Thought she was supposed to be with the shuttle keeping the engines warm?

A few pages after that, Felix is ordered to go back to the shuttle so he can go home:

When he gets to the shuttle, who is there waiting for him? Jackie:

wwwwhooops. I thought she was with the crew, "[standing] in awe of the doors"? Pat, did you lose track of your characters and have one of them in two places at once? Wouldn't you catch something like this if you read this book "3-9 times" before it hit the shelves? I only read it once and this error stuck out like a sore thumb. Fat idiot.

The random unnecessary sexual innuendos are extremely off-putting and not clever at all.