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Am I ethically obligated to tell my GF I was an addict and went to rehab?

The Shah of Iran

The Shah of Iran

you're at it
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If you're at the stage of saying "I was an addict" rather than "am a recovering one" then it's probably under control to the point where there's nothing to lose being honest. I don't think ethics enters into it, it's your business at this point but anything up to cheating is probably in both your interests to know about one another because you never know what kind of compromising shit can arise or who's gonna say what about you. Less of a moral question and more a common sense "do you trust this broad?" one.
 
G

Guest

Guest
Sue Lightning said:
Thats a tough one. The cons of not telling her shows you might not trust her, that you’re potentially ashamed of your issues, or even that you were trying to hide it from her. And looking like you’re trying to hide it from her because you don’t want her perception of you to change looks insecure.

I think all of the former is worse than just saying “Yeah I used to be addicted to drugs.” She may admire you being open about that, as most people wouldn’t want to discuss that. Also to a 20 year old girl…even though i’m not one…I imagine having a kid would be a bigger deal breaker than being an addict. And she (presumably) knows you have a kid, so I don’t think previous drug use would be a deal breaker. But then again it also depends on who she is. If she’s some conservative trad straight edge person she would have a hard time accepting it. But even if shes just dabbled in duh weed she might be more open to it.
Click to expand...

He wants advice for his straight relationship with a woman, who is the opposite gender to him.
 
M

midwit

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I have a hard time relating because I can't imagine falling for a woman and something as significant as that hasn't come up organically?

Trying to trivialize it as a nothing burger is junkie cope. Don't do that. That's like Ant saying he's had an "incident" with a past gf.

Your entire life was once controlled by drugs, for what was clearly a fairly significant period of time. The trauma, the perseverence required to beat it...there is exactly zero chance that this is not a meaningful part of your psychological make-up.

Just because it's common in a broken society doesn't mean it's not a big part of your personal story. I'd tell her.

If she's an 11 and you're a 4 and you're just hanging on for dear life as a sad, desperate sack of shit who is fucking way above your league then maybe keep it to yourself, but if that were the case you wouldn't have made this thread.
 
RobertMewler

RobertMewler

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I'd sit on it. You've overcome your addictions to such a degree that they're not even an issue anymore, right? If so, I'd leave it alone at least for now.

I can understand why you're tempted to reveal something so personal; you two are about to share the same, intimate space and you may be thinking it's the appropriate time to also share your inner intimate space (i.e., your past drug struggles). I'd resist that temptation to spring it on her now and save it for a time when you're actually discussing addiction in general (if you feel up to it).

Congrats on this big move, by the way.
 
Brooke Shields

Brooke Shields

forward all complaints to x.com/hackingbutdeadbeat
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If you do decide to tell you should start off on the extreme end

like you were addicted to H-gravy and got in bad, sucked & fucked for your next fix, lost all your money placating your addiction.
Then just say nah I'm kidding, I didn't lose all of my money and only sucked 1 time
 
G

Guest

Guest
Sue Lightning said:
Thats a tough one. The cons of not telling her shows you might not trust her, that you’re potentially ashamed of your issues, or even that you were trying to hide it from her. And looking like you’re trying to hide it from her because you don’t want her perception of you to change looks insecure.

I think all of the former is worse than just saying “Yeah I used to be addicted to drugs.” She may admire you being open about that, as most people wouldn’t want to discuss that. Also to a 20 year old girl…even though i’m not one…I imagine having a kid would be a bigger deal breaker than being an addict. And she (presumably) knows you have a kid, so I don’t think previous drug use would be a deal breaker. But then again it also depends on who she is. If she’s some conservative trad straight edge person she would have a hard time accepting it. But even if shes just dabbled in duh weed she might be more open to it.
Click to expand...

I told her that I “used to have a serious drug problem” way back in the fall. I just never told her the details.

She’s moving in, we’re talking about having some kids and getting married asap. I just don’t want this to bite me in the ass years down the road.
 
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