Worst movies you've ever seen thread

[HR@PaneraBread]

This film starts with a gang of black kids who rob a white woman at knifepoint and you think that the aliens will come and hang them all from trees before the real plot starts but instead the whole fucking movie is about them saving the world whilst complaining about not having any weed (they are all on the poster so we probably should have known better). They end up meeting the woman they robbed (whilst on the run from aliens) and explain to her that the reason they robbed her is because that's just what they do.

Everyone involved with this movie should get the wall

Edit - and they're all English, you can't understand a word any of them say

Edit 2 - and that fucking Star Wars prick that complains that he never gets any roles bc he's black.

Edit 3 - Seriously, this is why Movie Mondays at the office has been such a point of contention recently. This and that stupid fucking Boondocks Saints movie we could only get through 40 minutes of. We know you're Irish because you're poor and constantly drunk. Could you at least talk properly

 

[Saddam Hussein]

Anything Adam Sandler post 2005 or so besides Uncut Gems (which was overrated anyway)

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

The shape of water. I saw that horseshit after two bottles of wine at an office christmas party and fell asleep in the theater

 

[HeyItsVos]

It doesn't help that I can't stand this actor either

If that part would've been played by a better actor, I think it would've been more enjoyable, even though the plot would still be absurd.

I didn't used to like Saarsgard but he was so good in season 3 of The Killing that he won me over after that.

I don’t mind Saarsgard but he has this pattern of playing the helpful guy who is secretly the villain a lot. Skeleton Key and Knight and Day are two other films off the top of my head where he does the exact same thing. I’ve just come to expect it from him when he shows up in a movie.

 

[guest]

Biggest disappointment of all time

 

[Dog Eater]

Biggest disappointment of all time





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You don’t like getting free ice cream?

 

[guest]

You don’t like getting free ice cream?

Ice cream is for fat people

 

[TomFromNawlins]

Biggest disappointment of all time





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This wasn’t a disappointment because I didn’t expect much.

 

[guest]

This wasn’t a disappointment because I didn’t expect much.

I knew it was going to be shit. Then the preview came out and was completely misleading so it got my hopes up. Then I felt like I was stabbed in the heart

 

[RoTheHo69]

The Angriest Man in Brooklyn

Because that would be robin williams not dejarius martin

 

[guest]

Biggest disappointment of all time





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My wife bought this for me because she knew I liked the show, not knowing I avoided it because it looked retarded. Forgot it even existed but could tell it was shit from the get go. Ray Liotta playing two characters, one who's into Miles Davis? Whoa, what a cool character detail! Yuck. Once I saw the black character and the hot Italian chick making eyes at each other, I said "Oh no. If this goes where I think it is..." When it got to the sex scene, I popped out the disc and winged it at the wall. They really had to sully a perfectly good show with some reddity nudges and winks to the audience ("Remember this from the show?") and cuck porn mixed in with some unnecessary racial subplot that just stunk all around. Luckily was able to return the turd of a movie and get the money back. David Chase is an ass-muncher for letting this get made.

 

[guest]

My wife bought this for me because she knew I liked the show, not knowing I avoided it because it looked retarded. Forgot it even existed but could tell it was shit from the get go. Once I saw the black character and the hot Italian chick making eyes at each other, I said "Oh no. If this goes where I think it is..." When it got to the sex scene, I popped out the disc and winged it at the wall. They really had to sully a perfectly good show with some reddity nudges and winks to the audience ("Remember this from the show?") and cuck porn mixed in with some unnecessary racial subplot that just stunk all around. Luckily was able to return the turd of a movie and get the money back. David Chase is an ass-muncher for letting this get made.

The legacy of the show took a big hit. From what I read (and I could be wrong, I'm sure some fat wop from NY/NJ can correct me) Chase wanted to make a movie about Newark race riots in the 70's. The only way he could get funding was if he made it Sopranos themed. He's also old as shit. It sounds like he was just beaten down to the point where he just wanted to shit something out so his grandkids could get a nice package when he croaks in a couple years. I question how much say he had in everything especially given how many details were amiss.

 

[guest]

The legacy of the show took a big hit. From what I read (and I could be wrong, I'm sure some fat wop from NY/NJ can correct me) Chase wanted to make a movie about Newark race riots in the 70's. The only way he could get funding was if he made it Sopranos themed. He's also old as shit. It sounds like he was just beaten down to the point where he just wanted to shit something out so his grandkids could get a nice package when he croaks in a couple years. I question how much say he had in everything especially given how many details were amiss.

It's a sobering reminder that even if some media person puts out a great piece of work, it's all just made up pretend bullshit that they can ruin at any time if they get greedy or up their own ass enough. For the brief period where I listened to the Talking Sopranos podcast, one of the cringiest things was David Chase emailing in with what Tony would say about COVID. I almost want to look it up to hate it again, it was so gay.

The thread gave it a nice beating and made me glad I didn't finish it. P.U.
[URL unfurl="true"]https://onaforums.net/threads/many-saints-sucked.3920/[/URL]

 

[guest]

The legacy of the show took a big hit. From what I read (and I could be wrong, I'm sure some fat wop from NY/NJ can correct me) Chase wanted to make a movie about Newark race riots in the 70's. The only way he could get funding was if he made it Sopranos themed. He's also old as shit. It sounds like he was just beaten down to the point where he just wanted to shit something out so his grandkids could get a nice package when he croaks in a couple years. I question how much say he had in everything especially given how many details were amiss.

I heard/read the same thing. It makes sense. It's also hilarious if true.

Chase - "Guys, I've got a great idea for a movie!"

HBO suits - "Great! You've written a Sopranos spin-off?"

Chase - "No. It's about the Newark race riots."

HBO suits - "Er, yeah. No disrespect, David, but your track record of success is just the Sopranos. Why don't we stick to that. Do your little story, but put it in the Sopranos universe. That's what will make mon...that's what people want to see."

Chase - "No! Look, I'm an arti.."

HBO - "Sopranos. Or no money."

Chase - "OK."

 

[guest]

It's a sobering reminder that even if some media person puts out a great piece of work, it's all just made up pretend bullshit that they can ruin at any time if they get greedy or up their own ass enough. For the brief period where I listened to the Talking Sopranos podcast, one of the cringiest things was David Chase emailing in with what Tony would say about COVID. I almost want to look it up to hate it again, it was so gay.

The thread gave it a nice beating and made me glad I didn't finish it. P.U.
[URL unfurl="true"]https://onaforums.net/threads/many-saints-sucked.3920/[/URL]

Its also a reminder (along with our government) that once people are too old to think they should actually fucking RETIRE and go relax somewhere. Your time past.

 

[Jim Norton’s Wife's Cock]

This film starts with a gang of black kids who rob a white woman at knifepoint and you think that the aliens will come and hang them all from trees before the real plot starts but instead the whole fucking movie is about them saving the world whilst complaining about not having any weed (they are all on the poster so we probably should have known better). They end up meeting the woman they robbed (whilst on the run from aliens) and explain to her that the reason they robbed her is because that's just what they do.

Everyone involved with this movie should get the wall

Edit - and they're all English, you can't understand a word any of them say

Edit 2 - and that fucking Star Wars prick that complains that he never gets any roles bc he's black.

Edit 3 - Seriously, this is why Movie Mondays at the office has been such a point of contention recently. This and that stupid fucking Boondocks Saints movie we could only get through 40 minutes of. We know you're Irish because you're poor and constantly drunk. Could you at least talk properly

I watched this when i was stoned about a decade ago. I was rooting for the aliens, they were more civilised.

 

[guest]

I heard/read the same thing. It makes sense. It's also hilarious if true.

Chase - "Guys, I've got a great idea for a movie!"

HBO suits - "Great! You've written a Sopranos spin-off?"

Chase - "No. It's about the Newark race riots."

HBO suits - "Er, yeah. No disrespect, David, but your track record of success is just the Sopranos. Why don't we stick to that. Do your little story, but put it in the Sopranos universe. That's what will make mon...that's what people want to see."

Chase - "No! Look, I'm an arti.."

HBO - "Sopranos. Or no money."

Chase - "OK."

Probably about spot on plus an "Oy Vey!" and/or 'Mazel Tof!"

 

[SensibleKeks]

To steal Robert Ebert's review of North (one of Abe Vigoda's finer films tbhwy):

I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

 

[ChimpanZ]

The bit da bbbbbbbbboys did on this movie truly didn’t do justice to how bad it really was. Pacino was worse than he was in heat

 

[Jesse Ventura]

The Day After Tomorrow (2004) is the worst movie I’ve ever seen. I hated everything about it. The ham-handed plot, the awful characterization with zero depth, the crappy CGI wolves that weren’t needed at all, Jay O. Sanders smiling before he drops to his death, the idea we are supposed to feel good that Dennis Quaid saved his son even thought millions of others died anyway. I loathe Roland Emmerich films and this is his worst for me. HATE this movie.

Jack Frost (1998). Really, The Day After Tomorrow is better than this on a technical level, but I just hate Emmerich and that movie so much that even this piece of shit ranks above it. The plot is miserable, the CGI snowman is a joke, Michael Keaton sucks, the kid starring in it is even worse. It has no arc, no action, no drama, just a meandering unwatchable mess.

Kazaam (1996). Truly awful. Shaq can’t act, the plot is senseless, the kid who starred in it looks like a cholo homo nowadays. The magical parts werent magical, the gangsters were faggots. Just awful.

Master of Disguise (2002). Never has expectations for it even as a kid, but the entire disguise portion is about 15 mins of the movie, and the credits are like 10 mins long cuz they couldnt even add enough material to make the movie a suitable length.

I Am Sam (2001). Sean Penn plays a retard while surrounded by actual retards. Maybe the most boring, manipulative pile of shit in the 21st century.

Down To You (2000). Julia Stiles is ugly and untalented.

Mercury Rising (1998) . Unbelievably annoying film featuring an autistic kid who is screeching and fearful the entire time.

ET (1982). Awful, depressing, boring. I can’t fucking stand this movie and I wanted that ugly alien to choke to death on a Reese’s Pieces.

Crocodile Dundee (1986). Incredibly boring and unfunny for an alleged comedy. Zero memorable laughs, the broad in it can’t act, Dundee is a dorky loser.

Van Wilder (2002). Really you can put in anything featuring Ryan Reynolds, but this one is particularly egregious. Frat boy humour coming from a smug asshole. Reynolds is entirely unlikeable.

Brain Smasher, A Love Story (1993). Post-peak Dice Clay movie. His obsession with being a tough guy despite his sausage-link arms and his ugly jewy face is at least worth a laugh.

The Pest (1997). Leguizamo is annoying and this movie is pure retardation.

I have many more but who cares.