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Tiny Tim #amnotwriting

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Tagine Enthusiast said:
View attachment 150379
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Ooof.

First of all, it's spelled "oi." "Oy" is Yiddish, as in "oy vey."

The forced "cockney" bad grammar and abbreviation is simultaneously over-the-top, anachronistic and just inaccurate.

The writing itself is horribly disjointed. You have to reread several of the sentences just to attempt to understand what he's trying to say. I wasn't always successful in this.

Sawdust doesn't "drizzle."

I don't think either "cock" or "bugger" would have been used as single word expletives in 19th century London. As a noun and verb respectively, sure. Either way, it doesn't ring true, at least not to this Londoner who's read most of Dickens' novels.

Do hands "spear?" Again, clumsy choice of words.

"Vise" is the American spelling of vice. Fat is nothing if not inconsistent.

"Bagful of turnips?" Surely "sackful" would better convey the heft associated with a human body.

There are so many other mistakes to point out in just that short excerpt, but it's too painful to read any more.
 
Suetonius

Suetonius

LAUGH.
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guest said:
Ooof.

First of all, it's spelled "oi." "Oy" is Yiddish, as in "oy vey."

The forced "cockney" bad grammar and abbreviation is simultaneously over-the-top, anachronistic and just inaccurate.

The writing itself is horribly disjointed. You have to reread several of the sentences just to attempt to understand what he's trying to say. I wasn't always successful in this.

Sawdust doesn't "drizzle."

I don't think either "cock" or "bugger" would have been used as single word expletives in 19th century London. As a noun and verb respectively, sure. Either way, it doesn't ring true, at least not to this Londoner who's read most of Dickens' novels.

Do hands "spear?" Again, clumsy choice of words.

"Vise" is the American spelling of vice. Fat is nothing if not inconsistent.

"Bagful of turnips?" Surely "sackful" would better convey the heft associated with a human body.

There are so many other mistakes to point out in just that short excerpt, but it's too painful to read any more.
Click to expand...
Lol I was waiting for you to critique his British.
 
Suetonius

Suetonius

LAUGH.
‎
‎
Forum Clout
119,524
guest said:
Ooof.

First of all, it's spelled "oi." "Oy" is Yiddish, as in "oy vey."

The forced "cockney" bad grammar and abbreviation is simultaneously over-the-top, anachronistic and just inaccurate.

The writing itself is horribly disjointed. You have to reread several of the sentences just to attempt to understand what he's trying to say. I wasn't always successful in this.

Sawdust doesn't "drizzle."

I don't think either "cock" or "bugger" would have been used as single word expletives in 19th century London. As a noun and verb respectively, sure. Either way, it doesn't ring true, at least not to this Londoner who's read most of Dickens' novels.

Do hands "spear?" Again, clumsy choice of words.

"Vise" is the American spelling of vice. Fat is nothing if not inconsistent.

"Bagful of turnips?" Surely "sackful" would better convey the heft associated with a human body.

There are so many other mistakes to point out in just that short excerpt, but it's too painful to read any more.
Click to expand...
Also maybe i’m not familiar with British literature. But i’m pretty sure, I think, Sherlock Homes novels or Charles Dickens weren’t writing character dialog in English accents because…THAT WAS THEIR LANGUAGE! If Patrick were just a good storyteller you would remember the setting and read the characters words with accents in your head almost unconsciously.
 
TorqueWheeler

TorqueWheeler

An enormous amount of muscle.
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MonsterSteve said:
Does anyone have his first draft where he wrote the entire page in his cockney accent? Then after we made fun of it, he changed it to normal English? Haha that shit was hilarious.
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lol that’s right. Someone I know on Reddit texted him to trash it and make fun of how great the audiobook will be and the next time he posted something all the dialogue had been rewritten.

If you don’t want to let the idiot win you should change it all back again, Pat. 🐷
 
TorqueWheeler

TorqueWheeler

An enormous amount of muscle.
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78,562
Meownaw said:
Reminder he researched hat pins which means there will be a badass woman in this who stabs people with them. One thing Pats group of faggots can never do is write women any other way then being "badass". I suspect she will swear a lot too. That shows strength!
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I dare say she can put away some booze too. Soooooo cool. 😎
 
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Sue Lightning said:
Lol I was waiting for you to critique his British.
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The dialogue would be OK if it was someone here writing it as a pisstake, like the Lord Anthony bit on the old sub. "Ooo Err, I say governor. What what" etc. The prose is atrocious whatever context you put it in. The fact that he's deluded enough to think that anyone would pay for this dreck, let alone that it deserves to be published in the first place, says a lot about his complete lack of self-awareness.
 
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