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The Abe Vigoda Canadian Thanksgiving Spectacular Megathread
- Thread starter TheGhostOfAbeVigoda
- Start date
I can't watch Freddy Got Fingered. It gives me PTSD from me and my father's relationship when I was growing up.
Every day he'd come home and I was doing something fucking retarded and he'd kick my ass and tell me to get a job.
My dad also loved the Tom Green Show. I remember the first time I saw the "Take a flying FUCK" guy I laughed so hard I got the hiccups and puked and my dad couldn't breathe he was laughing so hard.
Fuck sakes, I'm dying just thinking about it. All he said was "where are you going?" And the guy fucking spazzed out and attacked him lol.
I think no one understands how brilliant this movie was. Every fucking weirdness is like 3 layers of comedy. And when it's not it's intentional. Tom Green at his peak was a genius.
I really was a shit fucking loser of a kid. My dad was right. He came home one time when I was 19 and I was wearing a blindfold because I wanted to see how long I could go without seeing. He ripped it off me and called me a retard and asked how many jobs I had applied to that day, and I said none and he got even more mad.
I'm sorry, dad.
My dad would've been extremely amused by that and probably trick me into hurting myself but I imagine that would annoy the shit out of me if I were your dad. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
My dad thought I was gay because my friend was sleeping over and I was about 14 or 15 and I had an open jar of Vaseline.
Why did you have an open jar of Vaseline?
Because I was gay. But I've healed.
It's the fact that I was out of school without a job. He'd come home from work and see his son acting like a fucking retard. I painted my face one day but forgot to wash it off because he came home and I was like "oh shitttt" when I heard the front door close. He got mad yet again, asked why it was painted, and I had no reason. I just did it coz............? I found some paint lol.
No actually I had a female friend over and fucked her in the other room and she thought it would work as lube
You know that plastic wrap they wrap pallets with that's like industrial saran wrap? I told my dad I thought I could bust out of that shit so he wrapped my arms up and left for like 5 hours and when he got back I was still struggling to get out of it and made no progress.
All 3 of us slept in the same bed. It was really awkward. I was a young teenager.
My parents were all in with me being as weird as I wanted as long as it wasn't faggy. I have a tiny clown bicycle that I used to ride around the house all the time. I'd be like 16 with a black eye zipping around on that thing like a retard and my parents would be like "mornin' Abe."
I just remembered I used to paint my face all the time when I was a kid. Like Fez. I'd just randomly do it because I had this big face paint kit and I'd go out and play or do my chores like that. I've always been pretty weird to the point that when my family sees me doing something weird like that they don't even mention it. Like my uncle would come up to the hay loft and I'd be in there hanging upside down with a beard painted on my face and he'd be startled and then just be like "how's it going, Abe?" "Good. I'm danglin'."
You did this as a child. As a 30 year old I'd go through 2 packs of face paints a year.
When I was a kindergarten teacher I'd have a gym class and do a kind of hide and seek game and promise the kid who is "it" I'd make them into a scary monster then just draw a cat face on their face. It was fun.
I was also convinced that an evil kangaroo was stalking me. I honestly wonder if aliens look like kangaroos or something because I'd apparently flip out and scream for my parents and then tell them that the kangaroo was in my room again and it was scaring me.