Rick continues to try and drum up some interest in his dumb Christmas book

[Safka's Enticer]

I noticed a significant decrease, in the use of commas here. Maybe he's reading the forums, after all

 

[JoeBrotheChildSpitGuzzler]

He spells "honor" with the American-English spelling. Nice research, dumbarse.

Pat is a font of humour.

It was the best of times (For da show), it was the worst of times (For Fatrick), it was the age of trolling, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of yumor, it was the epoch of incredible stupidity, it was the season of loffs, it was the season of dumb fat faggots, it was the spring of the forums, it was the winter of beer and brat fat.

 

[Meownaw]

Professional writer is only 23 pages into a book he has been working on for a month. Jesus fucking Christ.

 

[ISO__JOE]

Professional writer is only 23 pages into a book he has been working on for a month. Jesus fucking Christ.

and keep in mind he has absolutely nothing else to occupy his time. no normal adult responsibilities of any kind. just farting meatloaf into a couch and pretending to be an author 7 days a week.

 

[TheRevAlJolson]

It's the worst dreck I've ever read. The first sentence of the unnecessary 2nd paragraph starts with the "but", a faux pas drilled into most people's heads in elementary school.

 

[guest]

His 3rd sentence is a fragment.

It’s fragmented just like his family [MEDIA=youtube]g-4-gLlF0uw[/MEDIA]

 

[Jenna]

I do occasionally browse my local bookstores like a hipster and pick up some random stuff that catches my eye, I can’t even begin to describe how viscerally repulsed I’d be to find something called “A CHRISTMAS CARNAGE” that was about tiny Tim being some kind of Victorian John wick.

Who the FUCK does this appeal to?

It's not even that. He'll sell it as Victorian John Wick, when in reality it's just long-winded descriptions of coffins. Thankfully he's such a brilliant author that he can write whatever he wants, pitch it however he wants, and then sue anyone who leaves a bad review.

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

That fucking Jump to Conclusions mat in Office Space was a better idea than this shit book. In fact, every single thing on this list is better than Fatrick's story:

When product launches go awry: 50 worst product flops of all time

24/7 Wall Street reviewed some of the greatest product launch blunders throughout history. Today, these product flops exist as case studies companies use to avoid future failure.

www.usatoday.com

 

[UnwarrantedArrogance2]

Why shoot for historical accuracy? The concept is so dumb and childish, the only way to do it is so tongue-in-cheek that you just say fuck it and be silly about it. Instead, this fucking mutant is looking up what figures of speech are period appropriate, as if that's the thing that's going to shatter the reader's suspension of disbelief and not the fact that every character talks exactly the same.

Autism

 

[Stent]

At least he won't be around to write his own obituary, which ironicially will be the most read thing he's ever been a part of.

 

[NoBacon]

It's not even that. He'll sell it as Victorian John Wick, when in reality it's just long-winded descriptions of coffins. Thankfully he's such a brilliant author that he can write whatever he wants, pitch it however he wants, and then sue anyone who leaves a bad review.

when I wrote that post I knew for a fact the pig would read it and steal it, I expect him to start pitching it as the Victorian John wick any day now.

 

[Jenna]

when I wrote that post I knew for a fact the pig would read it and steal it, I expect him to start pitching it as the Victorian John wick any day now.

I'm doing the same thing, action shit is pretty formulaic but I don't want to give him any good ideas because he'll just steal them.

For example, chapter 1. Start with Scrooge, panicked, an old man who feels the walls closing in. He quickly rushes to sign a letter and mail it to Tiny Tim, before the henchmen break in. Scrooge has creative booby traps around his house, his old ass able to outmaneuver and kill some of these younger henchmen. After some creative and badass kills, he is subdued, and once everything is "safe", the antagonist appears to give Scrooge a vague speech, hinting at the overall mystery to gain the viewer's interest. The antagonist then kills Scrooge, jumpstarting the events of the novel.

Nope, that's not how you'd write Victorian John Wick. Instead write Scrooge is dead. He used to be alive. Now he is dead. The coffin he is in was a gorgeous mahogany and rosewood. In summertime, the trains carrying coffins vented the stench away from the rest of the train. In winter, they let in the chill air so the bodies could be inhumed. The readers don't want action in an action novel, they want to know the author read an article on the internet about how dead bodies were transported in Victorian England.

 

[ChildSpitTake]

Professional writer is only 23 pages into a book he has been working on for a month. Jesus fucking Christ.

Wasn't he doing the whole "1000 words per day" hack shit anyway?

 

[Raymond]

That third paragraph might have been the worst thing ever written

Kind of reads like banal and retarded imitation of Cormac McCarthy.

 

[Guest]

I noticed a significant decrease, in the use of commas here. Maybe he's reading the forums, after all

Wrong. In every way.

Always been.

 

[Slackjawed Cow]

It was pointed out earlier how the name “Christmas Carnage” sounds like an early 90s WCW pay per view. Pat might as well call this turd “Seasons Beatings”

 

[Handsome_Pat]

Christmas Carnage is the title a 8 year old picks… nice alliteration stupid.

 

[MunchausenByProxy]

Brian Griffin had more sticktoitiveness

 

[guest]

 

[guest]

Professional writer is only 23 pages into a book he has been working on for a month. Jesus fucking Christ.

I wrote a 33 page investment paper on Wednesday. I did all the prep on Monday and Tuesday and knocked it out in just over 4 hours, took a break and then edited and fact-checked it. Another 90 minutes. Granted it didn't require much imagination but then Fat's books don't seem to either.