Odd things you thought as a child.

[Africa.com]

I saw a portion of Airplane! and my mind put together that everyone got sick on plane rides and passed out and then the cabin crew cleaned you up and you'd wake up towards the end of the flight not remembering anything. I was a retarded lil mug

I thought the autopilot was the same as airplane lol, or at least there was a mechanical device or something that you sat in the seat

 

[Dog Eater]

• Only men drive cars.
• Men drink coffee and women drink tea.
• Babies come out the woman’s asshole.
• Misheard ‘raped’ as ‘raked’ and thought women got attacked with rakes while walking alone on bike paths.
• Read a dumb sex ed book where they used shitty illustrations of robots as a stand in for genitals and as a result thought my penis was meant to be horizontal when erect so that it could a slot into a vagina and spent a lot of time trying to shove my boner down to be horizontal and worrying there was something wrong with it.

 

[Bam's Wrinkled Thumb]

I thought poop was stored in my butt cheeks

Always wondered what it would be like to be born in someone else's body

 

[PogromStallone]

Am I the only one on here that wasn't a completely retarded child?

 

[Dennyislife]

I thought everything in the past looked like black and white television, funster.

Yeah I remember asking my dad how colour was invented. He was obviously confused by this question. I kept asking away "what day was it invented when you was a kid"

What a retard.

I also thought a lie in was a lion in. I remember my mother saying we had to be quiet in the morning as my dad worked nights occasionally and was having a lie in and I genuinely thought he was bringing a lion home from work.

For years and years I had really vivid memories of being 3 and 4 but they eventually faded when I was about 18. It was kinda weird having these memories but not really having the context due to being a kid

 

[NortheastPhilly]

I thought that sex was this agonizingly painful thing you had to do to create a child. When I’d see familys with a lot of kids, Id look at the dad like damn that guys hardcore

 

[LiberalPussy]

I used to be stupid enough to think that democracy and equality were things to aspire to.

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

I used to be stupid enough to think that democracy and equality were things to aspire to.

When I was a kid I didn't think voting mattered. I didn't realize how right I was.

 

[ChimpanZ]

I thought that all women that drink beer were lesbians

 

[Torque’sHeadBump]

Used to think women had penis and balls.

I used to think urine came from your balls.

 

[Bam's Wrinkled Thumb]

I thought that sex was this agonizingly painful thing you had to do to create a child. When I’d see familys with a lot of kids, Id look at the dad like damn that guys hardcore

How'd you learn that so fast?

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

I thought "Irish coffee" meant a glass of whiskey first thing in the morning. No idea where I got that from, but I thought it was true until I was about 13.

 

[Meownaw]

I thought "Irish coffee" meant a glass of whiskey first thing in the morning. No idea where I got that from, but I thought it was true until I was about 13.

I thought that too just because I was taught the Irish are drunkards

 

[Lucky Buddha Beer]

I thought every house had a gun. Like a family gun, and in my peabrain that had to be a silver snub-nosed revolver. I was like 6 and asked my dad about it, and he said no we didn't have one.

I assumed he was lying and just didn't want me to know, so I searched for like an hour when they were in the backyard and couldn't find one. Probably good thing a 6 year old did not find a revolver.

 

[firstimelongtime]

I thought that "suicide" meant "drug usage" and that "rape" meant garden-variety assault. The latter led to what I later came to realize was an awkward moment when I wished rape upon my babysitter for something that annoyed me. I mean, I guess it wasn't cool wishing that she'd get her ass kicked, either.

 

[Bam's Wrinkled Thumb]

I thought "Irish coffee" meant a glass of whiskey first thing in the morning. No idea where I got that from, but I thought it was true until I was about 13.

It isn't?

I thought that too just because I was taught the Irish are drunkards

They're not?

 

[Skippy]

That Opie and Anthony were cool.

 

[alkiefuck2]

My mum told me any time I swore it put another nail in Christ. My grandpa also used to say he ate worms

 

[King of OnAForums]

In elementary school I told the prettiest, most intelligent girl in school that I "raped her mom." Still don't know where that came from.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I tried to dig a hole to China because I got the idea from the shitty movie "Magic in the Water". It didn't work in the movie either. I don't know why I bothered. I don't want to go to China and I don't care for Chineses.