Dear NPA,
I understand your frustration from under-staffing on the texting department.
We are aware of the issue and are looking to back-fill these positions with the highest priority.
On a personal note, I'm doing my BSc in business administration at night while putting in my 8, raising a family while trying to contribute whatever I can for you guys on the floors. And I wish I could put down the batter to help out you guys every time I visit the stores.
But I appreciate Panera is supporting my education journey to see me become part of a highly specialized staff for an even brighter future.
That said, I won't ever be able devote myself to the technicalities it as some of the technicians like you would.
We at Panera realize someone needs to do behind the scenes business to "steer the ship" and enable you to focus fully i.e. text fat Patrick.
I'd like to remind you of our values before you threaten to "stove" another esteemed employee of ours:
Takeaway points:
1. We at Panera, contrary to faggot Kiwifarms, believe interacting with the lolcow is not only encouraged, but necessary.
2. We also realize our natural farm-raised ribs are so delectable because they're a combination of relentless technical trolling
AND our management's commitment to "BE MORE FUNNY" about it (see also: 2022 company wide memo) we promise with every single order.
3. Your online activities have been forwarded to your manager for your next status review. Please inform HR about your availability ASAP!
Kind regards,
Solo Joe, Social Media Manager
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