Buddy, my dumb ass has tried it 3 times. My most recent attempt was a year ago in May - 41 muscle relaxers and 19 Adderalls, and it wasn't enough to kill my hardened junkie ass.
I was in a bad way at that time. I didn't see any way out but that final way. Now, a year removed .... and you know, that particular problem is not only gone, but I never even think about it anymore. Look, I am not going to lie to you and say that I am happy now - if anything, I am just as miserable as I have ever been - nor am I going to pretend that I don't have any problems anymore. But none of the issues I struggle with now are as all encompassing as that one issue, and the biggest fear I was wrestling with - my fuck ups hurting other people - are now in the past. My 2 dogs, my kitty and yes, this fucked up place, make me glad that I fucked up my latest attempt.
Suicidal thoughts are a bitch, and a lifelong affliction. I still have them, but they're muted, and more in the background these days. Somedays they're stronger than others. You gotta take it day to day, man. If not for you, then for those dogs - you're their whole life, and they'll never understand where you went, or why.
I hope that you are still here. If you are, I am here for you my man. You're a faggot, but you're not alone.