Horrible shit you did at work

[guest]

When I worked at a furniture store in high school, I had to deliver a new recliner to my 7th grade math teacher. He was a fucking creep who wore a toupee and always had protruding nipples (very disrespectful!). I wiped my sweaty nuts all over that chair. Got to his house and found out he'd recently had a stroke, and didn't feel even slightly bad. Fuck you, Mr. Publow.

 

[Rutherford_b_Blaze]

I used to jerk off at work. I still do but I used to, too

 

[Soundboard Fez]

I used to jerk off at work. I still do but I used to, too

You work as a kindergarten teacher, right?

 

[Brooke Shields]

I used to jerk off at work. I still do but I used to, too

How many of you do "remote" work? Meaning you can literally be jerking off at 11AM, get skyped by a pajeet, hope you can explain something retarded that should take only 10 seconds but usually lasts 3 minutes while also not stroking your dick yet keeping your hard-on

^this is actually the most horrible thing i've done dozens of times but there was no funny way of putting it

 

[Cuphead]

Ive seen things in the kitchen im too ashamed to even write

I saw a server fart on someone's food

 

[Phish]

I saw a server fart on someone's food

 

[Oogie Farts 1488]

When I was in middle school there was this obnoxious girl in my english class that annoyed me and always said stupid shit and argued with the teacher. For some reason I took a stick of gum one day and rubbed it between my asscheeks, all over my balls, and then across the toilet seat in the boys bathroom. Then carefully folded it back up in its wrapper and noted where I put it in my gum pack. Later in english class, I offered gum to my friend infront of her and she asked for a piece so I gave her the dirty gum. Somehow I kept it together and didn't laugh. It was very mean and I regret it.

 

[Udders]

Ive seen things in the kitchen im too ashamed to even write

Over the past few years I've been in dozens of different restaurant kitchens. I don't care how dumpy, fancy, or upscale the restaurant is, or how clean the kitchen looks, they're all gross. Just enjoy your meal and try not to think about it.

 

[Joe_Cumia_Eats_HUMAN_SHIT]

Ive seen things in the kitchen im too ashamed to even write

Chinese restaurants are the dirtiest

 

[New Name]

Onetime I got 2 days wages driving around trying to track down my bosses adopted niglet who eventually ended up with his birth family in a ghetto apartment about 50 miles away. Basically playing columbo detective with my other stoner shithead buddies. We'd take 3 hr lunch breaks and go to the lake or golf course or the chinese buffet 30 miles away. Anytime your local school district needs more money they dont.

 

[aRTie02150]

Tons of jerking off. I'm pretty sure I've masturbated at every job I've ever had. I've even shot my loads on the floor and walked away.

I'm like a cat marking territory.

 

[guest]

When I was 19 I was starving on my lunch break bc I was broke and decided to steal a protein bar at a convenience store... Got caught, arrested or detained or whatever and then got fired for not coming back to work that day. Very retarded and shitty time in my life.

 

[guest]

When I was in middle school there was this obnoxious girl in my english class that annoyed me and always said stupid shit and argued with the teacher. For some reason I took a stick of gum one day and rubbed it between my asscheeks, all over my balls, and then across the toilet seat in the boys bathroom. Then carefully folded it back up in its wrapper and noted where I put it in my gum pack. Later in english class, I offered gum to my friend infront of her and she asked for a piece so I gave her the dirty gum. Somehow I kept it together and didn't laugh. It was very mean and I regret it.

Don't. That's fucking hilarious and she deserved it.

 

[DiarrheaDick]

Onetime I got 2 days wages driving around trying to track down my bosses adopted niglet who eventually ended up with his birth family in a ghetto apartment about 50 miles away. Basically playing columbo detective with my other stoner shithead buddies. We'd take 3 hr lunch breaks and go to the lake or golf course or the chinese buffet 30 miles away. Anytime your local school district needs more money they dont.

Lol, huh? "Had to track down a nigger. Don't support your local school BTW."

 

[Not bad]

Nice horribly, stupid.

 

[Dog Eater]

Tons of jerking off. I'm pretty sure I've masturbated at every job I've ever had. I've even shot my loads on the floor and walked away.

I'm like a cat marking territory.

This but I at least have the self respect to rub it into the carpet with my shoe.

I also had a thing for pissing on work cars during winter at one job and letting it freeze there.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

When I was in high school I worked midnights on weekends at a gas station. I got like no training and didn't know how to do fuck all. I didn't know how to use the lottery ticket machine so I'd just tell people to go somewhere else. People got fucking pissed about that. I never got the math i had to do to close out the till so I'd just write down a random number. It was tiny and I'd smoke bongs right in the office so the whole place reeked of weed. My friends were always there just hanging out and stealing shit. Entire parties ended up there. I stole so much beef jerky and Benson & Hedges menthols just because they were the most expensive cigarettes. If anyone was rude to me I'd crumple up their receipt and throw it at them. The manager called me and told me he needed to talk to me in person, undoubtedly to fire me, so I just stopped going.

One time at like 4am I had the place hotboxed and was a long-haired, obviously high red-eyed retard kid and some guy came in and was like "smells good, man." I was like "I don't know what you're talking about." He was like "no, it's cool. I smoke too." And I was like "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, asshole." And the guy looked like he wanted to kill me and left. Fucking narc.

This one I lose sleep over sometimes: there was a guy in line with a bunch of shit in his hands and right as it was his turn, this smoking hot French chick just blatantly cut in front of him and started paying for her gas. The guy was quietly like "Hey, I was in li-" and before he could even finish I just pointed at him and yelled "YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!" And kept helping the woman, who did not subsequently blow me... if some cashier kid did that to me I would lose my fucking mind.

 

[FrogmanKurlan]

Not really a bad thing but when I was waiting tables I shot a tree in the parking lot with a customers gun. It was a scar L with a suppressor. The guy’s family had land near the restaurant and you’d hear them shooting full auto on the weekends

 

[aRTie02150]

Not really a bad thing but when I was waiting tables I shot a tree in the parking lot with a customers gun. It was a scar L with a suppressor. The guy’s family had land near the restaurant and you’d hear them shooting full auto on the weekends

Do you work in Afghanistan

 

[Former Prez Gerald Ford]

My first job in high school was dishwashing and one night the big gay waiter came back and yelled at me for there being some hardened shit on a fork his customer had, as if:
1. I fucking washed the thing when i came in at 4pm
2. dishwashers do anything other than throw it on a tray and put it in a machine
3. the dishwashes put together the little silverware napkins for anyone(quality control faggot, I know it's servers who put those together)


In summary, the only time I got yelled as if it was horrible was at in the shittiest job I ever had by a giant gay guy for something he might've done

This still doesn’t explain why you put a fork up your own ass