Fathers, how hard is raising a baby?

[Phish]

I thought first year was the hardest? Is that just because they don't sleep through the night?

I'm about to be a first-time dad and, yes, I'm now consulting the opie and Anthony forums for advice.

Oof

The real difficulty is when they start walking/grabbing shit/throwing shit, especially if its a crazy mischievous boy like mine. He likes to throw 5lb bags of flour over the baby gate just “to see what it does” or “pour his smoothie on his baby sister just to see if she likes it on her head” and shit like that. I wanna scream and rip his head off but its so goddamn funny and hes so cute and innocent i just scruff em on the head and tell em that wasnt a good idea and not to do it again. Hes my favorite child by far. Fuckers always getting into trouble and causing me grief but its so much fun. I just got done pulling 2 rolls of toulet paper out of the toilet because “mom told me to throw toilet paper in the toilet!” (SHE NEVER SAID AFTER HE USED IT, THE DUMB BITCH. NOT HIS FAULT!)

 

[Voscabulary]

I don't have kids yet, but I'm thinking of just giving them a load of guns and alcohol and leaving them to fend for themselves in the desert for 12 hours straight when I do

 

[LockedHDD__Pot]

The real difficulty is when they start walking/grabbing shit/throwing shit, especially if its a crazy mischievous boy like mine. He likes to throw 5lb bags of flour over the baby gate just “to see what it does” or “pour his smoothie on his baby sister just to see if she likes it on her head” and shit like that.

future scientist right there, already doing cause & effect experiments

 

[Leonard Rhomberg]

The real difficulty is when they start walking/grabbing shit/throwing shit, especially if its a crazy mischievous boy like mine. He likes to throw 5lb bags of flour over the baby gate just “to see what it does” or “pour his smoothie on his baby sister just to see if she likes it on her head” and shit like that. I wanna scream and rip his head off but its so goddamn funny and hes so cute and innocent i just scruff em on the head and tell em that wasnt a good idea and not to do it again. Hes my favorite child by far. Fuckers always getting into trouble and causing me grief but its so much fun. I just got done pulling 2 rolls of toulet paper out of the toilet because “mom told me to throw toilet paper in the toilet!” (SHE NEVER SAID AFTER HE USED IT, THE DUMB BITCH. NOT HIS FAULT!)

So many times I hear mine clomping around and into the bathroom followed by the toilet flushing. I wonder how many things of mine have been flushed

 

[UnPRePared]

My ex pretty much raised her 3 siblings because their mom was a loser. They all had stories about being dropped and stuff. Her sister was showing me a bunch of pictures one time and she was like "notice how I look miserable in every picture because this bitch was always just dragging me around like a doll." Like nothing malevolent, she was just also a little kid in charge of a littler kid and treated the littler kid like a toy so she'd get a little dinged up.

Abe, I've heard so many stories like this and it always saddens me.

I know an absolute pearl of a young lass, see her all the time I'm out in Poznan, barely even twenty. Second oldest of four. Her mom had her first two girls young, and the last two kids later. All from piece of shit men. But those two older girls, especially the wee lass I'm speaking of - Saints. Absolute saints of human beings, basically raising their own younger siblings because their mom was a mess. Good heart, but still a mess. The eldest raised her and she continued the process to protect her siblings, and still kinda does.

It breaks my fucking heart. We're talking about someone with a God-given gift for art, would give the shirt off her back to help anyone, yet she barely had a childhood, and she still ended up a wonderful soul. I'm always happy to see her at my shows and she actually gives me faith in her generation.

And to her credit, I don't think she ever dropped any of her siblings, so she one ups your ex, @TheGhostOfAbeVigoda.

 

[Sue2]

I don't have kids yet, but I'm thinking of just giving them a load of guns and alcohol and leaving them to fend for themselves in the desert for 12 hours straight when I do

“Worked out fine for me! “

 

[johnnynoname]

nigga just let the mom do that shit

men have no time with all the gambling they do at night (at that house on Foster Avenue), and sleeping during the day

the fuck is wrong with people!!!

 

[Rick Roblinson]

ANYONE CAN DO IT!

 

[TomFromNawlins]

You raise babies by reaching down, putting your hands under them, and lifting.

 

[TomFromNawlins]

So what age does the kid have to get before you start trusting it not to pull a Conor Clapton?

25

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

25

Past 25 I've wanted to throw myself out of a window more than I ever did as a kid.

 

[TomFromNawlins]

Past 25 I've wanted to throw myself out of a window more than I ever did as a kid.

Is that when you started brooding?

 

[Smeckler's Powder]

I thought first year was the hardest? Is that just because they don't sleep through the night?

I'm about to be a first-time dad and, yes, I'm now consulting the opie and Anthony forums for advice.

Oof

Congrats brotherman. It's a ton of fun. How hard it is depends on many factors. I started off slow with a couple step kids and father in law lived with us so we always had someone to make sure they didn't die. We created our own kid who's three now. When he was new we were able to both be around pretty much all the time so lucky in that way. Wife would go to bed, baby and I would watch music videos and I'd feed him bottles of the milk my wife pumped and it worked out really well. Then yeah they start moving and every few months you're doing a little more child-proofing. Putting up an obnoxious gate you'll trip over frequesntly around places you don't want him to go. There's all these bouncy chairs and shit like that you'll think you can stick it in for a bit but they get sick of that pretty quick and just want to crawl around and shit lol. Different people find different things challenging brotherman. If you've got any family around that's helpful. We've basically got no one when our daughter leaves for college in a couple weeks, since grandpa moved a couple years ago. She's been the only person we've had that we felt like we can leave the three year old with for a couple hours. But whatever, we'll be fine. If we go to eat everyones going. If we go to a concert, everyones going. Road trips have never been bad for us, the little dude sleeps most of the time. It's interesting and trippy and a lot of fun.

 

[BUBBLER]

I was stolen from my family and raised by unseen creatures in a pitch black cave for the first three years of my life and I turned out fine.

That's not a nice way to refer to jews

 

[Nana Cumia]

Sorry I am black. No idea.

 

[BUBBLER]

future scientist right there, already doing cause & effect experiments

 

[Mick_Mickerson]

Congratulations

Thanks. I actually just attended a "Newborn Care" course at the local hospital, so the timing of this thread is VERY PECULIAR

Why don't YOU TELL ME why our resident gay zoomer started a thread about raising a baby?

 

[TorqueWheeler]

This basically.

The funny thing is how much more relaxed you are with the second. Our first I was waking up 3 times a night just to check he was still breathing. My wife would sterilise everything he'd come into contact with - bottles, dummies, toys, blankets. By the time he was crawling, every electric socket had those plugs on, every table corner had those rubber guards.

With the second, none of that. He dropped his spoon? 5 second rule. By the time my daughter came around, she was basically left to fend for herself after a year old.

This completely. The first one is a living nightmare of self-doubt and constant worry for months. I still remember the first time my wife said "I'm going out, you take care of her." and I just sat and stared at her until she came back home two hours later. The second one you enjoy way more except all the diapers and assorted filth. That never seems to soften. I'm expecting to be tossing the third one around like a football when she gets here.

 

[TorqueWheeler]

So what age does the kid have to get before you start trusting it not to pull a Conor Clapton?

If it's a boy I imagine about 23.

 

[Guest]

I am glad I am too selfish to ever want a kid. I cannot believe people want to spend their days changing nappies, watching kids TV, cleaning up after them and working even harder to fund them.

It sounds like torture

Spoken like a true manbaby faggot.