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You should eat your cum. I hear pineapple makes it taste different.
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Embarrassing Stories Thread
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It's a much longer story but in college I was talking to this really hot chick for about a week. The way that I met her was sliding her a note in the library saying "you're literally the most beautiful person I've ever seen" with my phone number. We talked all day every day for the entire week and hung out like four of those days. Never fucked, most I got was sucking on her tits and she rubbed my dick outside my shorts.
So that Saturday night I was working at a restaurant which was literally three minutes away from the restaurant she worked at. She said she was hanging out with her roommates after work but given the vibe we had all week, I was like "oh boy I'm gonna surprise her at work, she'll be so happy to see me." So I got out of work around 11, drove to her restaurant and sat at the bar until she saw me. She instantly gave a look of pure disgust and I saw her like scurry into the kitchen with another waitress, clearly talking shit about me.
I left immediately and somehow convinced myself not to text her that night and let it breathe until morning. The next day it's like 2:00 pm and she still hasn't texted or anything. I send this long ass retarded text with a bunch of insanely cringe shit. One of the lines was like "you seem to have cast (some love spell from Harry Potter) on me and I couldn't go a day without seeing you" because she loves Harry Potter. No answer all day. Finally I call her and she answers. I can literally hear her friends laughing in the background. She says something to the effect of "yeah I just think it's super creepy you showed up at my job, please do not contact me, etc." And her roommates were in all my classes so I had to see them every single day to just constantly remind me of how much of a fucking dumb faggot I was.
So that Saturday night I was working at a restaurant which was literally three minutes away from the restaurant she worked at. She said she was hanging out with her roommates after work but given the vibe we had all week, I was like "oh boy I'm gonna surprise her at work, she'll be so happy to see me." So I got out of work around 11, drove to her restaurant and sat at the bar until she saw me. She instantly gave a look of pure disgust and I saw her like scurry into the kitchen with another waitress, clearly talking shit about me.
I left immediately and somehow convinced myself not to text her that night and let it breathe until morning. The next day it's like 2:00 pm and she still hasn't texted or anything. I send this long ass retarded text with a bunch of insanely cringe shit. One of the lines was like "you seem to have cast (some love spell from Harry Potter) on me and I couldn't go a day without seeing you" because she loves Harry Potter. No answer all day. Finally I call her and she answers. I can literally hear her friends laughing in the background. She says something to the effect of "yeah I just think it's super creepy you showed up at my job, please do not contact me, etc." And her roommates were in all my classes so I had to see them every single day to just constantly remind me of how much of a fucking dumb faggot I was.
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This gave me legit douchechills. Wow.
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Around 7 years back i went to a center parcs with my ex girlfriend and her family, they rented out two adjacent cabins and there was around 10 of her family in total, parents, her grandparents, her brothers and their wives etc. On the second night there i was bored out of my mind, everyone in my cabin had gone to bed, so i put a movie on and started drinking in the cabins living room. After 4-5 beers i decided i would take some temazepam i had brought with me due to my sleeping problems, i never really mixed benzos & booze much before, and thought it would give me a nice buzz.
It was like a hard edit from a movie, one minute i am smoking a cigarette on the patio, the next i wake up in a hospital bed with no recollection of how i got there. My ex is sat near my bed in tears asking me if i am okay, her parents come in and start telling me they were worried about me. All the while i feel like shit and have no idea what is going on.
I got released about an hour later, and found out it was the evening of the next day. I got told by various family members of my ex what had happened, and managed to piece together some of the events that took place the previous night. I had a benzo blackout on the patio, had gone back into the cabin and drank more cans of lager, downed the full box of temazepam, had left the cabin around 11pm and travelled to the bar that they had on the grounds, ordered a couple of pints, must have gone back to the bar and got informed the bar was closing so they had stopped serving drinks. For some reason i chimped out about that and started shouting, security got called and dragged me out of the bar.
My ex had realised i was missing from the cabin by then, apparently i left the front door open, left the tv on etc... she had rang her brothers to ask if i was with them and that she was worried because i had left my phone at the cabin and she couldn't get in touch with me. I also cut my hand doing something in the cabin and left blood smears on the front door, so the poor girl genuinely must have been thinking wtf lol.
Her brothers went out looking for me, and arrived at the bar whilst security were holding me down, apparently i had punched one of the security in the face and started fighting with them. Her brothers had tried calming me down, but i tried fighting them too and told them i had never liked them and shit. Eventually the police turned up, restrained me and put me in cuffs.. an ambulance turned up not long after and they strapped me into the back, one of my ex's brothers had told the paramedics he thought i must have been spiked at the bar or something, because this was out of character for me.
By then my ex and her parents turned up on the scene and by all accounts were horrified, my ex opted to accompany me in the ambulance to the hospital, she said when he got to the hospital i started fighting with the male nurses and security had to be called, apparently i had superhuman retard strength of something because i was managing to fight off two burly hospital security guard before a couple more arrived and pinned me to a hospital bed and strapped me down, then she said i was like a possessed man trying to break free from the restraints and screaming my head off, the poor girl was terrified lmao.
They gave me a stomach pump and tested me for drugs etc... i have no idea if they sedated me or if i just passed out, but eventually the mayhem ended and i fell asleep. It was fucking horrible, we had to cut the holiday short and i felt like a massive cunt, her parents were never the same with me after that i must have scared them with my behaviour. I'm lucky the security guard at the park decided not to press charges against me for punching him too, real ass dude of the week.
It was like a hard edit from a movie, one minute i am smoking a cigarette on the patio, the next i wake up in a hospital bed with no recollection of how i got there. My ex is sat near my bed in tears asking me if i am okay, her parents come in and start telling me they were worried about me. All the while i feel like shit and have no idea what is going on.
I got released about an hour later, and found out it was the evening of the next day. I got told by various family members of my ex what had happened, and managed to piece together some of the events that took place the previous night. I had a benzo blackout on the patio, had gone back into the cabin and drank more cans of lager, downed the full box of temazepam, had left the cabin around 11pm and travelled to the bar that they had on the grounds, ordered a couple of pints, must have gone back to the bar and got informed the bar was closing so they had stopped serving drinks. For some reason i chimped out about that and started shouting, security got called and dragged me out of the bar.
My ex had realised i was missing from the cabin by then, apparently i left the front door open, left the tv on etc... she had rang her brothers to ask if i was with them and that she was worried because i had left my phone at the cabin and she couldn't get in touch with me. I also cut my hand doing something in the cabin and left blood smears on the front door, so the poor girl genuinely must have been thinking wtf lol.
Her brothers went out looking for me, and arrived at the bar whilst security were holding me down, apparently i had punched one of the security in the face and started fighting with them. Her brothers had tried calming me down, but i tried fighting them too and told them i had never liked them and shit. Eventually the police turned up, restrained me and put me in cuffs.. an ambulance turned up not long after and they strapped me into the back, one of my ex's brothers had told the paramedics he thought i must have been spiked at the bar or something, because this was out of character for me.
By then my ex and her parents turned up on the scene and by all accounts were horrified, my ex opted to accompany me in the ambulance to the hospital, she said when he got to the hospital i started fighting with the male nurses and security had to be called, apparently i had superhuman retard strength of something because i was managing to fight off two burly hospital security guard before a couple more arrived and pinned me to a hospital bed and strapped me down, then she said i was like a possessed man trying to break free from the restraints and screaming my head off, the poor girl was terrified lmao.
They gave me a stomach pump and tested me for drugs etc... i have no idea if they sedated me or if i just passed out, but eventually the mayhem ended and i fell asleep. It was fucking horrible, we had to cut the holiday short and i felt like a massive cunt, her parents were never the same with me after that i must have scared them with my behaviour. I'm lucky the security guard at the park decided not to press charges against me for punching him too, real ass dude of the week.
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Holy shit bro.
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@JimsDentedHead Morpheus red-pilled you, nigga. Now the machines have you again.
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Late in middle school, I had Cumia tier pizza face.
You feel like the equivalent of a homeless person.
I simply kept to myself, too quiet to approach most girls. In fact 1 black girl roasted me in front of the class regularly.
Absolutely sullied my name with any girls in school. At this point, I got fat too, which made things even worse.
One day a new girl from South America joined our first period home room.
She was sitting alone on those terrible public school chairs, with her body all contorted like a fucking cat.
The way her big fat spanish ass was pouring out of her jennifer lopez slut jeans... A rarity: NO BACK HAIR!
She was tiny, but her ass was gigantic. Big mulatta cheeks pressed up against the steel bars of the chair. Magnificent.
Her face was buried in some stupid over-sized book. I was so horny, I just sat right next to her, to burn the image into my spank bank.
"The Cloud."
She lowered the book, and I never thought I'd be turned on by the sight of acne.
She looked like the singer Shakira, but with Cumia pimples.
Rush of confidence washed over me. I started laying pre-teen faggot game, hard.
I played the old "hehe you should teach me spanish" gag...
She was giggling, grabbing my arm, playfully shoving me. I was already envisioning my new life.
So the witch-faced home room teacher comes over and butts her fat ugly face in, ignorantly shouting over our conversation -- "Andre, is that a nose piercing?"
I've never had a piercing or tattoo in my life.
It was at this moment I realized I had a giant white head pimple on my nose that was so big, she thought it was a piece of jewellery.
My pimple-faced comrade bride... She looked at me with such sympathy.
So I get up and go to the bathroom to scrape and wash. I get back, and the teacher and my new imported oily spic girlfriend are now standing up.
I walk over and suffer through a standing conversation where she introduces me to a girl I'm convinced I'm gonna have greasy bilingual children with.
At some point or another, the dumptruck ass was fatiguing my little lady's feet, so my target sat down again. I rush over to sit next to her like a puppy, and wouldn't you know it?
The witch-faced cunt teacher had 'accidentally' swooped my chair out from under me to sit next to another girl who was asking for help at an adjacent computer.
My knees buckled, I felt that sharp pain you get when you jump off the curb onto the street.
At the last second, I tried to spring to my feet, and absolutely failed.
It just made my fall straight on my ass look more comical and dramatic.
I didn't break anything, but I jumped up to my feet immediately which made me look like a retard.
If it wasn't bad enough, right as this happened, the "cool" black kid in the class was walking in.
Literally wearing sunglasses with a pick in his afro, saw the entire thing unfold.
When the teacher apologized to me, Cool black kid goes "Ah don't worry, Andre is built like a tank."
Essentially highlighting to everyone that my big fat ass body padded my fall.
All the sympathy this girl had for me flew out the window, and she laughed at me and never spoke to me again.
She became like a popular girl who could barely speak english, but I had sex with her hotter best friend months later after my skin cleared up.
Good enough for me.
You feel like the equivalent of a homeless person.
I simply kept to myself, too quiet to approach most girls. In fact 1 black girl roasted me in front of the class regularly.
Absolutely sullied my name with any girls in school. At this point, I got fat too, which made things even worse.
One day a new girl from South America joined our first period home room.
She was sitting alone on those terrible public school chairs, with her body all contorted like a fucking cat.
The way her big fat spanish ass was pouring out of her jennifer lopez slut jeans... A rarity: NO BACK HAIR!
She was tiny, but her ass was gigantic. Big mulatta cheeks pressed up against the steel bars of the chair. Magnificent.
Her face was buried in some stupid over-sized book. I was so horny, I just sat right next to her, to burn the image into my spank bank.
"The Cloud."
She lowered the book, and I never thought I'd be turned on by the sight of acne.
She looked like the singer Shakira, but with Cumia pimples.
Rush of confidence washed over me. I started laying pre-teen faggot game, hard.
I played the old "hehe you should teach me spanish" gag...
She was giggling, grabbing my arm, playfully shoving me. I was already envisioning my new life.
So the witch-faced home room teacher comes over and butts her fat ugly face in, ignorantly shouting over our conversation -- "Andre, is that a nose piercing?"
I've never had a piercing or tattoo in my life.
It was at this moment I realized I had a giant white head pimple on my nose that was so big, she thought it was a piece of jewellery.
My pimple-faced comrade bride... She looked at me with such sympathy.
So I get up and go to the bathroom to scrape and wash. I get back, and the teacher and my new imported oily spic girlfriend are now standing up.
I walk over and suffer through a standing conversation where she introduces me to a girl I'm convinced I'm gonna have greasy bilingual children with.
At some point or another, the dumptruck ass was fatiguing my little lady's feet, so my target sat down again. I rush over to sit next to her like a puppy, and wouldn't you know it?
The witch-faced cunt teacher had 'accidentally' swooped my chair out from under me to sit next to another girl who was asking for help at an adjacent computer.
My knees buckled, I felt that sharp pain you get when you jump off the curb onto the street.
At the last second, I tried to spring to my feet, and absolutely failed.
It just made my fall straight on my ass look more comical and dramatic.
I didn't break anything, but I jumped up to my feet immediately which made me look like a retard.
If it wasn't bad enough, right as this happened, the "cool" black kid in the class was walking in.
Literally wearing sunglasses with a pick in his afro, saw the entire thing unfold.
When the teacher apologized to me, Cool black kid goes "Ah don't worry, Andre is built like a tank."
Essentially highlighting to everyone that my big fat ass body padded my fall.
All the sympathy this girl had for me flew out the window, and she laughed at me and never spoke to me again.
She became like a popular girl who could barely speak english, but I had sex with her hotter best friend months later after my skin cleared up.
Good enough for me.
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We fucked before and I would've at least gotten blown if I had kept my mouth shut but overall not worth it
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I had to go take a nap under a rock after reading this...
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Solid move by your ex's bro. I would've gone with that story tbh lol. Did her family ever find out what you took and we're they pissed? Also did you catch any criminal charges?
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I used to send doctoral thesis length text messages to girls who rejected me that I still cringe at when I think about them now lol.
Not super embarrassing but definitely cringe: On my first Tinder date ever which took place on vacation, the girl came directly to my hotel room and sat on my bed. I wasn't sure what to do since she was a total stranger but at the same time she apparently trusted me enough to do that. So I just poured her a drink and sat next to her and we had a really awkward conversation. She started throwing pillows at me and trying to be playful but I just felt awkward because I didn't know what to do. Eventually I just said fuck it and got on top of her and tried to kiss her and she immediately pushed me off and ran out of my room.
Another time something similar but way more cringed happened, a Tinder girl came straight to my apartment. It was right before a huge storm (which would have possibly stranded me for a few days) and she basically said "I wouldn't mind getting stuck with you for a few days". I was extremely hesitant to let her come over because I was afraid of what would happen if it was awkward or we weren't right for each other or whatever, but there was a hotel down the street so I figured I would just get her a room if need be, also I didn't wanna be gay and say no to someone who was inviting herself to my place.
Anyways she got there and it wasn't that awkward, but for some reason I still felt extremely hesitant to do anything. So the night went on and eventually we went to bed at around 1AM, sleeping in the same bed and I had not made a single move on her. The next morning at like 7AM she shook me awake and tried to get me up, and I was like "Ughh it's too early" and rolled over and went back to sleep. Eventually she was like "I can tell your horny" and I stopped being a fag and fucked her. She basically spent the rest of the day busting my balls for being so weird. Also she wouldn't leave my apartment so I made up some shit about my sister and her husband and kids coming over so she would leave. Once she left I blocked her because I felt so embarrassed. From that point on I never meet any Tinder girls at my apartment unless they explicitly say that they want to fuck.
Not super embarrassing but definitely cringe: On my first Tinder date ever which took place on vacation, the girl came directly to my hotel room and sat on my bed. I wasn't sure what to do since she was a total stranger but at the same time she apparently trusted me enough to do that. So I just poured her a drink and sat next to her and we had a really awkward conversation. She started throwing pillows at me and trying to be playful but I just felt awkward because I didn't know what to do. Eventually I just said fuck it and got on top of her and tried to kiss her and she immediately pushed me off and ran out of my room.
Another time something similar but way more cringed happened, a Tinder girl came straight to my apartment. It was right before a huge storm (which would have possibly stranded me for a few days) and she basically said "I wouldn't mind getting stuck with you for a few days". I was extremely hesitant to let her come over because I was afraid of what would happen if it was awkward or we weren't right for each other or whatever, but there was a hotel down the street so I figured I would just get her a room if need be, also I didn't wanna be gay and say no to someone who was inviting herself to my place.
Anyways she got there and it wasn't that awkward, but for some reason I still felt extremely hesitant to do anything. So the night went on and eventually we went to bed at around 1AM, sleeping in the same bed and I had not made a single move on her. The next morning at like 7AM she shook me awake and tried to get me up, and I was like "Ughh it's too early" and rolled over and went back to sleep. Eventually she was like "I can tell your horny" and I stopped being a fag and fucked her. She basically spent the rest of the day busting my balls for being so weird. Also she wouldn't leave my apartment so I made up some shit about my sister and her husband and kids coming over so she would leave. Once she left I blocked her because I felt so embarrassed. From that point on I never meet any Tinder girls at my apartment unless they explicitly say that they want to fuck.
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I’m sitting here right now watching Argentina play France in team handball.
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He genuinely though i’d been spiked at the time lol, still it probably helped me out in the long run, especially in regards to security not pressing charges.
They weren’t angry or anything, they said they were just glad i was okay, I suspect they were pretty pissed with me behind closed doors though. I told them what i took when i was in the hospital, i informed them that i made a mistake and didn’t know the temazepam and alcohol would synergise like that.
Nah, i got off scot free luckily lol, probably because i was blatantly not in a reasonable state of mind when the events occurred. If the security guy pressed charges though, i would have most likely got a fine, a suspended sentence and would have had to attend drug counselling.
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Just thinking of times growing up where good looking girls were into me and laying it on thick but I was too much of a social retard to pick up on it. Or being a needy faggot, getting drunk and telling girls that I was hitting it off with that I loved them. One time when I was real young I took a girl out to a bar. We tied one on, went back to my place and made out but didn't go too much further. Decided to take her on another date the next night (what a needy retard). She had a NASA patch on her jacket, so I thought a good conversation topic would be the fake moon landing conspiracy. Not a real pussy dampener. Ran into her with a friend at a grocery store a month later and every time I'd turn down a different aisle, kept running into her. Instead of leaving or pretending I didn't see her, I'd just nervously say Hi over and over again like a real weirdo. Ultimately doesn't matter now but still makes me cringe to this day.
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love these threads, i wish i could see my old msn chats or bebo profile
in college i used to wear an nwa t-shirt, rasta coloured belt and a beanie with the visor tilted to the side thinking i was cool as fuck
the first two dates i ever went on were at the cinema and i did fucking nothing, hardly said a word either. got to enjoy big mammas house 2 though
in college i used to wear an nwa t-shirt, rasta coloured belt and a beanie with the visor tilted to the side thinking i was cool as fuck
the first two dates i ever went on were at the cinema and i did fucking nothing, hardly said a word either. got to enjoy big mammas house 2 though
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Tried to impress my crush once by alpha maleing another kid in front of her.
I had a good one liner about his fucked up face that I wanted to goad him into.
I started picking at him, and he said something back that caught me off guard.
So I panicked, and tried to play fake tough guy.
I wanted to say "I'll fuck you up" and then tell the joke about his face, but all that came out was "I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR FACE"
I don't think she was impressed by my gay rape threat because she looked shocked and disgusted
I had a good one liner about his fucked up face that I wanted to goad him into.
I started picking at him, and he said something back that caught me off guard.
So I panicked, and tried to play fake tough guy.
I wanted to say "I'll fuck you up" and then tell the joke about his face, but all that came out was "I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR FACE"
I don't think she was impressed by my gay rape threat because she looked shocked and disgusted
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At the peak of my cocaine use, I kept excusing myself to the bathroom every 10 minutes or so during my grandfather's 97th birthday to snort rails and do some key bumps.
I got really drunk and kept doing coke, mangaed not to make an ass out of myself in front of my family. Eventually everyone goes home that night. At this point, I'm out of coke and fiending like the degenerate I am. Also at this point, some girl from tinder messages me to come meet her down at her place in Miami which is like an hour from where I live.
I'm drunk as fuck at this point and have continued drinking, before I head out on this journey I take 2 200 mg caffeine pills since I had no coke left. I make it to her place in like 40 minutes driving down the highway.
It's probably about 3 or 4 in the morning at this point. She comes out of her place and comes into my car which is parked in her driveway since she lives with her parents.
We're drinking some $6 dollar wine that was leftover from the party out of some Solo cups she brought. She plays some shitty Adam Sandler Halloween movie on her phone and we're watching it. Thankfully, I'm on the verge of blacking out at this point so I don't remember anything about this movie
We start making out for a while and I try to fuck her but am so drunk and stimmed out I can't get hard at all. I start eating her out just to avoid the shame (which led to much more). This absolute dog of a woman, tasted awful. She finally leaves and goes inside her house and I make the drive back home, still drunk and sleep deprived as the sun is coming up.
I get home and immediately brush my teeth and use mouthwash but can't get the taste out of my mouth. It finally went away when I eventually woke up, but the shame has lingered. Definitely a low point lol
I got really drunk and kept doing coke, mangaed not to make an ass out of myself in front of my family. Eventually everyone goes home that night. At this point, I'm out of coke and fiending like the degenerate I am. Also at this point, some girl from tinder messages me to come meet her down at her place in Miami which is like an hour from where I live.
I'm drunk as fuck at this point and have continued drinking, before I head out on this journey I take 2 200 mg caffeine pills since I had no coke left. I make it to her place in like 40 minutes driving down the highway.
It's probably about 3 or 4 in the morning at this point. She comes out of her place and comes into my car which is parked in her driveway since she lives with her parents.
We're drinking some $6 dollar wine that was leftover from the party out of some Solo cups she brought. She plays some shitty Adam Sandler Halloween movie on her phone and we're watching it. Thankfully, I'm on the verge of blacking out at this point so I don't remember anything about this movie
We start making out for a while and I try to fuck her but am so drunk and stimmed out I can't get hard at all. I start eating her out just to avoid the shame (which led to much more). This absolute dog of a woman, tasted awful. She finally leaves and goes inside her house and I make the drive back home, still drunk and sleep deprived as the sun is coming up.
I get home and immediately brush my teeth and use mouthwash but can't get the taste out of my mouth. It finally went away when I eventually woke up, but the shame has lingered. Definitely a low point lol
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