What's the worst Christmas you've ever had?

[Professor Rape]

When I was 10 I really wanted a video game for Christmas, but my mom wouldn't buy it for me because it was too violent. I didn't have enough money for it, and ended up shoplifting it. Got caught because I was a retarded kid, and banned from the store.

Parents didn't know about it until they wanted to take me there for a family Christmas photo. Security guard saw me, got into an argument with my mom who didn't believe I shoplifted, but he showed her the security tape.

It was a bruuutal fucking Christmas.

 

[NoBacon]

You aren’t allowed to be a past dwelling grinch this year, mister!

Get out there and put a Christmas sweater on and sing a merry song!

 

[Professor Rape]

You aren’t allowed to be a past dwelling grinch this year, mister!

Get out there and put a Christmas sweater on and sing a merry song!

Okay, the best Christmas I ever had was when we didn't have enough money for presents, so literally went to the dog track to try to make more money lmao.

The dog we bet on lost, but the owner was more angry at it than we were, and abandoned it in the parking lot after the race. We adopted it and he became the new member of our fam.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Christmas Eve in the drunk tank (they've got cars, beggars, bars, they've got rivers of gold) with a bad concussion. I was shitfaced and making a prick of myself in public and my dad magically appeared and beat my ass in front of the cops, they arrested me and thanked him, then I smashed my head off the divider in the cop car all the way to the station and eventually threw up a shitload of blood.

I actually traditionally go crazy around Christmas/New Years. Every time I've ever really blown up my life was around that time.

 

[Professor Rape]

Christmas Eve in the drunk tank (they've got cars, beggars, bars, they've got rivers of gold) with a bad concussion. I was shitfaced and making a prick of myself in public and my dad magically appeared and beat my ass in front of the cops, they arrested me and thanked him, then I smashed my head off the divider in the cop car all the way to the station and eventually threw up a shitload of blood.

Was the drunk tank more full than normal on Christmas Eve?

 

[NoBacon]

Christmas Eve in the drunk tank (they've got cars, beggars, bars, they've got rivers of gold) with a bad concussion. I was shitfaced and making a prick of myself in public and my dad magically appeared and beat my ass in front of the cops, they arrested me and thanked him, then I smashed my head off the divider in the cop car all the way to the station and eventually threw up a shitload of blood.

admin, please time this member out for a temporary ban.

It’s time to spread joy.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Was the drunk tank more full than normal on Christmas Eve?

It's a small town and there's 4 cells. I always get the crazy fuck cell that is just a cinderblock room with no bars to myself because when they put me with the bars I always just shook the fuck out of them all night and would chirp the fuck out of whoever else was in there and get them screaming at me from the other cells. That particular night though I remember they brought in two drunk brothers who had just beat the shit out of eachother at a family function. They were still flipping out when they got there but ended up both crying and asking to see the other one and then later, some haggard old drunk whore who wouldn't stop loudly phlegm-coughing so I lost my fucking mind on her and she threatened to have me killed by the Hell's Angels lol. Whenever they let me out before anyone else they'd always be like "look straight ahead. Don't look in the other cells."

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

admin, please time this member out for a temporary ban.

It’s time to spread joy.

Spread joy then, homo.

But NOT to the niggers.

 

[Patrick O'Neal]

Probably the worst Christmas for me was the one where Marge gets ass cancer!

 

[Single Action Army]

We still doin the Simpsons thinggg?

 

[Professor Rape]

Spread joy then, homo.

But NOT to the niggers.

I've got something you can spread... *turns around* ...right here

 

[PogromStallone]

I got a tattoo so my mom had to spend all of their Christmas money to get it removed.

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

I've got something you can spread... *turns around* ...right here

Merry Christmas, Dougie. I hope you're able to successfully rape and kill a woman without ever being caught, and I have a feeling my friend Santa Claus feels the same....

 

[Professor Rape]

I got a tattoo so my mom had to spend all of their Christmas money to get it removed.

That's from The Simpsons. Why must you make a mockery of my thread?

 

[Former Prez Gerald Ford]

I drank a bunch of water one night so I could wake up to get to the presents early before the rest of the family came down. Through a series of unfortunate mishaps I ended up burning down da faaaawkin tree.. I had to make up an entire story about a robbery to avoid getting in trouble. The entire town got in on it and bought us all new stuff until it came out that I was the reason we lost all our presents! The whole town turned on us and robbed us of everything except an old dish rag. FAWK

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

My neighbor has been snowblowing his fucking driveway for about half an hour. I have a bigger driveway and I could shovel it twice in the time he's been doing this. I fucking hate this asshole and I'm considering just going over and dropping that on him on Christmas just so he feels the unpleasantness that I feel listening to an annoying motor running in his driveway 4 fucking seasons a year. If the cocksucker isn't out there revving a Harley for no discernable reason he's running a chainsaw or a snowblower or something. When this cunt mows his lawn he somehow takes like 4 hours to do it and he lives on like less than an acre. He just loves to be annoying. If they ever wonder why I just blow shit up with tannerite at like 10pm with no warning sometimes, it's because of this prick.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Merry FUCKING Christmas, movie house.

 

[Voscabulary]

My neighbor has been snowblowing his fucking driveway for about half an hour. I have a bigger driveway and I could shovel it twice in the time he's been doing this. I fucking hate this asshole and I'm considering just going over and dropping that on him on Christmas just so he feels the unpleasantness that I feel listening to an annoying motor running in his driveway 4 fucking seasons a year. If the cocksucker isn't out there revving a Harley for no discernable reason he's running a chainsaw or a snowblower or something. When this cunt mows his lawn he somehow takes like 4 hours to do it and he lives on like less than an acre. He just loves to be annoying. If they ever wonder why I just blow shit up with tannerite at like 10pm with no warning sometimes, it's because of this prick.

I remember being STEAMING hot not too long ago over my neighbour laying on the leaf blower at 9:00 at night. I'm trying to watch deadwood and all I fucking hear is the big bad wolf failing to blow down a brick house. why can't they behave?

 

[Cuphead]

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I remember being STEAMING hot not too long ago over my neighbour laying on the leaf blower at 9:00 at night. I'm trying to watch deadwood and all I fucking hear is the big bad wolf failing to blow down a brick house. why can't they behave?

Leaf blowers are so fucking gay. Snowblowers make sense because snow gets pretty fucking heavy but leaves do not. Ask Santa for a rake, dickhead.