• Recently, onaforums has taken to opening a substack. You can subscribe to this substack to get email notifications when the site is down, gets a new domain name, or is otherwise running into trouble. We are not accepting donations at this time, so please skip the part where it asks if you would like to contribute. Subscribe at onaforums.substack.com

  • Reminder: Do not call, text, or mention harrassing someone in real life. Do not encourage it. Do not talk about killing or using violence against anyone, or engaging in any criminal behavior. If it is not an obvious joke even when taken out of context, don't post it. Please report violators. If you want your account deleted, send a private message to @BlackTransLivesMatter

    Do not post IRL pranks here without including the source

    DMCA, complaints, and other inquiries:

    [email protected]

What’s the last “boomer moment” you had?

TheRevAlJolson

Blackface Killah
Forum Clout
30,336
I like to intentionally botch names and titles of shit my wife likes to annoy her. I'll say shit like "Isn't that Molly Simon? You know, from that song: 'I came in with the wrecking crew'?"

Punching out

Screenshots_2024-03-08-14-33-10.png
 

Mr. Fuck

Forum Clout
1,828
Apparently I can just tap my credit card in most places instead of sticking it in the slot. I don't care, I will never tap
"Tapping" barely fucking works anyway.

Some places call it "Contactless". Contactless it is not. You take your card and run it all over the screen until you find the magic spot, which is rarely ever marked, where you're supposed to hold your card. If it's any more than like a half a centimeter away, it won't work, so your card is going to make contact with the filthy terminal on which people have been sneezing, farting, and cumming. If you don't hold it in just the right place for a couple of seconds, it gives you an error, and the cashier might have to manually push a button to let you try again. Depending on your card, you may still have to type in a PIN, on a keypad that's also filthy.

You also can't swipe your card anymore, even though every terminal still has a swiper. It'll just throw up errors unless you tried inserting your chip, and it failed three times in a row. This shit is all gay as hell. I would start writing personal checks out of spite if doing so wasn't tedious as fuck.
 

BonnieMcFarlaneMe2

subscribe to the BON-fire ❤️
Forum Clout
98,656
"Tapping" barely fucking works anyway.

Some places call it "Contactless". Contactless it is not. You take your card and run it all over the screen until you find the magic spot, which is rarely ever marked, where you're supposed to hold your card. If it's any more than like a half a centimeter away, it won't work, so your card is going to make contact with the filthy terminal on which people have been sneezing, farting, and cumming. If you don't hold it in just the right place for a couple of seconds, it gives you an error, and the cashier might have to manually push a button to let you try again. Depending on your card, you may still have to type in a PIN, on a keypad that's also filthy.

You also can't swipe your card anymore, even though every terminal still has a swiper. It'll just throw up errors unless you tried inserting your chip, and it failed three times in a row. This shit is all gay as hell. I would start writing personal checks out of spite if doing so wasn't tedious as fuck.
I like doing the tap for getting gas because I’m usually running late for work with an empty tank. Otherwise I don’t really think I use it.
 
Forum Clout
15,402
"Tapping" barely fucking works anyway.

Some places call it "Contactless". Contactless it is not. You take your card and run it all over the screen until you find the magic spot, which is rarely ever marked, where you're supposed to hold your card. If it's any more than like a half a centimeter away, it won't work, so your card is going to make contact with the filthy terminal on which people have been sneezing, farting, and cumming. If you don't hold it in just the right place for a couple of seconds, it gives you an error, and the cashier might have to manually push a button to let you try again. Depending on your card, you may still have to type in a PIN, on a keypad that's also filthy.

You also can't swipe your card anymore, even though every terminal still has a swiper. It'll just throw up errors unless you tried inserting your chip, and it failed three times in a row. This shit is all gay as hell. I would start writing personal checks out of spite if doing so wasn't tedious as fuck.
Finally someone gets it. All the card readers upgraded their tech but none of the interfaces upgraded with it.
 

TheGhostOfAbeVigoda

Boycott Burger King. They're LIARS.
Forum Clout
141,337
Tapping works fine you retards. Make sure you hold the end of the card with the gold chip in it toward the reader, lay the card flat until you hear the beep BOOM you got your handle of cheap vodka and your smokes
Yeah but if you drop your card or something (only women ever do that anyways) whoever finds it can just buy a bunch of shit with it until you cancel it. I have tap enabled, because like I said, I'm not a woman.
 

:sumaturry:

Favored by Aabo
Forum Clout
51,999
Yeah but if you drop your card or something (only women ever do that anyways) whoever finds it can just buy a bunch of shit with it until you cancel it. I have tap enabled, because like I said, I'm not a woman.
If you're a woman you're fucking broke anyways from buying Barbie dolls and gummy bears all day. My wife left her wallet in my glove box two days ago and I was going to tell her but I'm curious to see how long it takes her to miss it, give up on looking for it and mention it in passing to me.

I'm betting Tuesday.
 

TheGhostOfAbeVigoda

Boycott Burger King. They're LIARS.
Forum Clout
141,337
Tapping works fine you retards. Make sure you hold the end of the card with the gold chip in it toward the reader, lay the card flat until you hear the beep BOOM you got your handle of cheap vodka and your smokes
They called him Tappin' Terry Fox. He tapped his little fake foot nearly clean across Canada until Stompin' Tom Connors caught up with him and, well, he stomped poor Tappin' Terry plum to death.

That's a little bit of Canadian folklore for you faggots.
 

:sumaturry:

Favored by Aabo
Forum Clout
51,999
They called him Tappin' Terry Fox. He tapped his little fake foot nearly clean across Canada until Stompin' Tom Connors caught up with him and, well, he stomped poor Tappin' Terry plum to death.

That's a little bit of Canadian folklore for you faggots.
But that woman of mine'll be in a box of pine
Before I hock my runnin' leg


TWWWWWWWAAAAAANG diggle diggle and another dang twang, another dang twang, another dang twang.
 

DMAN

"DMANIAC" IN YOUR USER TITLE TO SHOW RESPECT
Forum Clout
51,224
"Tapping" barely fucking works anyway.

Some places call it "Contactless". Contactless it is not. You take your card and run it all over the screen until you find the magic spot, which is rarely ever marked, where you're supposed to hold your card. If it's any more than like a half a centimeter away, it won't work, so your card is going to make contact with the filthy terminal on which people have been sneezing, farting, and cumming. If you don't hold it in just the right place for a couple of seconds, it gives you an error, and the cashier might have to manually push a button to let you try again. Depending on your card, you may still have to type in a PIN, on a keypad that's also filthy.

You also can't swipe your card anymore, even though every terminal still has a swiper. It'll just throw up errors unless you tried inserting your chip, and it failed three times in a row. This shit is all gay as hell. I would start writing personal checks out of spite if doing so wasn't tedious as fuck.

This post is true to form On-Topic boomerism. The DMAN would tell you if he was lying about that. Genuinely.

Son, How do you think swiping a card is still something we do? That black bar is useless. We've been inserting the chip for a decade. You're making it tedious for yourself by doing it wrong in the first place. You don't have to touch the sensor, The DMAN hovers his phone over the thing and it works. Where we at with the grown men not knowing how to electronic bank?
 
Top