Terrible jokes to have someone read at an open mic?

[LockedHDD__Pot]

Plant someone in the audience to say something antisemitic and then get all riled up and agree with him. I think that’s how the bit goes.

You could also just do this act word for word

[Larry King voice] How important is the hamburger?

 

[BudDickman]

I remember some guy doing a whole set about how small his dick is and how he never gets laid. The guy started off strong with an actual joke. Something like "I never get laid, which means I never have the chance to show a woman how small my dick is". Then he just kept harping on that over and over until it became depressing.

So you should just do that.

 

[SmellenShoehorn]

Please do Pat's set verbatim.

 

[Punished Dan Mullen]

I hope whatever you say gets you murdered for playing fantasy football. I hate when this place is as embarrassing as JoeH and Pat, genuinely

Anyone in the audience plays fantasy football? I hope y'all murder yourself with a shotgun and toe attachment. Alright loosen up folks

 

[Ant_It_Fun]

 

[Cptbaldopie]

Say someone's in a gay fantasy football league and the biggest loser needs to do an open mic. Also say that person is me and I don't plan on writing some bad original material.

I've already got a handful of rape jokes so i need to diversify that with some women, gay and race jokes. Ya know, anything to potentially get someone banned from a venue would be alright.

Thank You

Pretty sure you can combine the black and rape jokes.

 

[Upton Baby Sinclair]

Maybe just act out different scenes from The League since this sounds like a scene from that anyway.
Talk about how you almost died in 9/11 while working at merrill lynch and it made me realize life is too short to not follow your dreams so you went into comedy.

 

[Brooke Shields]

Pretty sure you can combine the black and rape jokes.

yeah there's one along the lines of "with all the complaining about appropriation of cultures I got to thinking, did black people invent rape? or did they steal that too"
but im not sure if it really makes sense

 

[42069]

I did stand up at a Yang Charity event this joke got an equal amounts of gasps and laughter. “Most people think autism is all janitors solving math equations when in actuality it’s more throwing shit on the wall and being banned from the Special Olympics”

 

[42069]

Please do Pat's set verbatim.

That is the correct answer