Should I get married abroad?

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

have you considered just not going

I'm the fawkin best man, so I have to go and I have to be way more fucking involved than I'd ever want to be. If they think I'm writing a speech or winging anything more than a "love ya both, good luck" they're fucked in their heads.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Is that the guy Jim Norton admired?
I'm just having a moment of clarity. It horrifies me to realize I think that and that it's an actual delusion.

I was on a date with a girl the other week and there was a moment of silence and she smiled and I started swearing at her... I remember calling her a pompous cunt. Looking back it was the turning point for the date going bad.

Yeah, the little midget who flipped out on a chick in a bagel store because he saw her smile and he assumed she was laughing at him because he's an insecure 4'11" guy. He raged himself into a stroke and now he's in a fuckin wheelchair. That ain't no future for a Doug nigga.

And yes, I could see that being the turning point. It probably scared the fucking shit out of her. On the other hand, she'll never forget you.

 

[guest]

Yeah, the little midget who flipped out on a chick in a bagel store because he saw her smile and he assumed she was laughing at him because he's an insecure 4'11" guy. He raged himself into a stroke and now he's in a fuckin wheelchair. That ain't no future for a Doug nigga.

And yes, I could see that being the turning point. It probably scared the fucking shit out of her. On the other hand, she'll never forget you.

Ah fuck. Well it's good you told me that. I don't want to end up like that guy...... being friends with Jim and Sam.

Maybe... maybe I don't have "real" delusions. Maybe I just reject women before they reject me... as a way to get back at my mother. Oh there's mother now. Watching me. What's that? I'm allowed to post on OnA Forums. I'm a grown man, I can do what I want.

Mother that sailor suit doesn't fit anymore!

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I like weddings because I get to dress up nice and weddings have open bars.

I can get shitfaced at home, I can put on a suit and fucking tapdance to I've Got My Gal (Who Could Ask For Anything More) all night long. I do, in fact. All the time.

 

[Voscabulary]

I'm the fawkin best man, so I have to go and I have to be way more fucking involved than I'd ever want to be. If they think I'm writing a speech or winging anything more than a "love ya both, good luck" they're fucked in their heads.

faaawk, I see. eat a load of curry and slam beers the night before, then send a picture of your toilet bowl afterwards so they know you're not faking when you say your tummy hurts ()

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

I like weddings because I get to dress up nice and weddings have open bars.

You like wearing a wedding dress?

 

[Ha Ha Ha Holeee Shit!]

My buddy is getting married this summer and I'm genuinely planning on stealing as many envelopes from the gift table as possible for my time.

 

[N64 Cube]

Wedding present? $100 in an envelope. No card.

I'd be happy and honored just to get an autographed 8x10 from you at my wedding Abe!

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

View attachment 193931

I've got rubes to grift, dammit. They're grifting me out of my rube money, like I'm some rube. I'm just grifting it back and then some.