Robot Christmas Day 1 by Patrick S Tomlinson

[guest]

His writing is offensively bad. It makes you feel like you've forgotten how to read because it's so irritating to parse.

It's jarring to read. It is almost unbelievable to me that other people read and approve his books before they're released.

That is truly awful. That’s almost ooga level bad.

Patrick complains about AI but really he is the OG ai writer. He writes like a flawed learning algorithm trying to mimic humanspeak. It’s some bizarre literary chimera of different tropes and styles thrown haphazardly together. It just makes you feel…unnatural reading it.

It seems that Patrick's car agrees with you.

 

[ISO__JOE]

“I’m a nurse, Garth Earl. There will be wounded and worse before this night is over. You stay here if you must, but I’m needed.”
Garth gave up. His wife’s mind set like concrete. There’d never been any sense trying to argue with her. “Better go, then.” He gave her an enormous bear hug, then kissed her on the cheek. “Gabby, you keep her safe, ya hear?”
“Will do, cuz. Y’all take care.” Gabby snapped the horse’s reins and the slay slid silently into the night. The last Garth saw of his wife, she was feeding a fresh belt into the 7.62.
“It’s just us now, boy. Best get inside and douse the lights.”
“Yes pop.”
They sat alone in the living room, deathly quiet stretching out between them. Dale finally broke it. “Pop?”
“Yes boy?”
“What’s the meaning of Christmas?”
“What?” Garth perked up at the question. “Don’t be fool, son. It’s about celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior.”
“I know, it’s just…”
“Just what? Your daddy didn’t raise no mealy-mouth boy. Spit it out.”
“It’s just that Jesus was born in the springtime.”
“He was not! Where’d you hear that heathen ramblin’?”
“I read about it on Wikipedia.”
“Wikiwhatia?”

 

[DeadWithoutMyDavid]

what's with the Christmas obsession?

 

[BillyCorgan'sFallenTree]

Christmas isn't a time for merriment, but violence and slaughter? So another thing he ripped straight from Futurama.

 

[BillKlacks]

Sucks.

 

[Salted Earth Truffle]

what's with the Christmas obsession?

Well, Pat IS a fucking child, child.

For real. He still plays with toys and watches cartoons.

 

[Joshua Cunny Moon]

He must have been really into the "war on Christmas" and how anyone who said merry Christmas instead of happy holidays was a bigot bible obsessed zealot.
The ending has the kid kill his dad for disagreeing when Jesus was born cuz atheism is cool or something.

Patrick this isn't funny or unique it's preachy and cringe.

 

[TorqueWheeler]

Ack!

 

[DiarrheaDick]

*
Not good.

-Poop balls

 

[BertCooper]

I dont think this short story has been posted before.


Here is the link to the full short story.

Robot Christmas Day 1: "Black Friday" by Patrick Tomlinson - B&N Reads

www.barnesandnoble.com

Here is a taste.

View attachment 118380

Why is winter festivals capitalized when it’s not referring to a specific event or organized series of events? It’s almost as if he didn’t go to college and was never introduced to a style guide.

 

[Bigsmooth]

He must have been really into the "war on Christmas" and how anyone who said merry Christmas instead of happy holidays was a bigot bible obsessed zealot.
The ending has the kid kill his dad for disagreeing when Jesus was born cuz atheism is cool or something.
View attachment 118520
Patrick this isn't funny or unique it's preachy and cringe.

Holy shit. Kill yourself

 

[Jesse Ventura]

He must have been really into the "war on Christmas" and how anyone who said merry Christmas instead of happy holidays was a bigot bible obsessed zealot.
The ending has the kid kill his dad for disagreeing when Jesus was born cuz atheism is cool or something.
View attachment 118520
Patrick this isn't funny or unique it's preachy and cringe.

Atheists would more likely come from the 6th circle of Hell according to Dante’s Inferno, but of course Fat Tits never read it.

 

[guest]

How can you sharpen a wreath? He doesn't even know what words mean.

 

[PorqueDealer]

coincidence or piggy autistically sticking to some loose criteria?

 

[Slackjawed Cow]

Its hilarious how much his writing is like AI wrote it.

 

[Turk February]

what's with the Christmas obsession?

all good little boys love Christmas. Pat never psychologically matured past 11 years old.

 

[Salted Earth Truffle]

He makes John Hinckley Jr. look grounded in reality and Bubba Blue sound like an erudite elder statesman. Everything Pat does is just SO hilariously awful.

 

[Racist Google Intern]

View attachment 119993
coincidence or piggy autistically sticking to some loose criteria?

I remember putting in extra bullshit words to get past the word count as a kid, I'm sure pat still does this

 

[Salted Earth Truffle]

I remember putting in extra bullshit words to get past the word count as a kid, I'm sure pat still does this

Stephen King, grade A faggot, wrote a good book on writing. One of his main pieces of advice was “Kill your babies.” Get rid of all the words and phrases you love because you think they sound so clever, unless they advance the narrative.

Pat’s writing is nothing but babies he should have killed. But he was too busy threatening to kill his own baby daughter.

Pat vs. Stephen King would be a great Twitter bitch fight. And since Pat has styled himself so much after John Fugelsang, I’d love to see JF put him on blast. Smoke would pour out of Pat’s disappearing, fat-smothered ears.

 

[sorchEDearth]

Finally!

Finally an author has the balls to take on the empty commercialism of the Christmas holiday. News flash people: it's NOT a wonderful life, k?

'bout time someone said it.