Robot Christmas Day 1 by Patrick S Tomlinson

[MySecondFatterAccount]

I dont think this short story has been posted before.


Here is the link to the full short story.

Robot Christmas Day 1: "Black Friday" by Patrick Tomlinson - B&N Reads

www.barnesandnoble.com

Here is a taste.

 

[Steve Ramone]

His writing is offensively bad. It makes you feel like you've forgotten how to read because it's so irritating to parse.

 

[Jenna]

They sat alone in the living room, deathly quiet stretching out between them. Dale finally broke it. “Pop?”
“Yes boy?”
“What’s the meaning of Christmas?”
“What?” Garth perked up at the question. “Don’t be fool, son. It’s about celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior.”
“I know, it’s just…”
“Just what? Your daddy didn’t raise no mealy-mouth boy. Spit it out.”
“It’s just that Jesus was born in the springtime.”
“He was not! Where’d you hear that heathen ramblin’?”
“I read about it on Wikipedia.”
“Wikiwhatia?”
“Wikipedia,” Dale repeated. “It’s an online encyclopedia. Historians are pretty sure Jesus was born in March or April, and that December twenty-fifth was picked to correspond with pagan winter solstice festivals and the Roman holiday of Saturnalia to make their conversion to Christianity easier.”
“That’s H2O propaganda is what that is, son.”
“But I read that things like the Yule Log and gift-giving were adopted from earlier religious traditions and—”
“That’s enough!” Garth shouted. “Listen, Dale, the only thing you need to be readin’ is your Bible. All that other stuff is just there to confuse you. That’s what these monsters want, to test our faith.”
“I know, Pop. But, if people were already celebrating Christmas before Jesus came along, maybe it can mean different things to different people. Maybe it’s just supposed to mean family and love and being thankful. Is that so bad?”
“Are you listening to yourself right now? You sound like a DOA protest. Now quiet. I thought I saw some light outside. Gabby must’ve forgot somethin’.”

Guess which character is the Patrick insert.

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

Nice faux folksy faggotry, fucking fatso.

 

[Pino_palladino]

This is the kinda shit I’d expect from a 10th grader who was a given a creative writing assignment. Half the lines are shit I’ve heard in movies. There is nothing original about it. “Whoa get this. So it’s like they‘re getting ready for Christmas but ACTUALLY they building weapons for a BATTLE.” Yeah great, retard. That it?

 

[Juschippinyababe]

So's So's So's my brother is a white supermacist

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

It was a cold, dark night....IN SPACE

 

[Ants Hard Drive of Horror]

Its so hard to read anything he writes because you dont know if its a euphemism or not. Like, he would use his term "thinkin meats" but introduce it to the audience with some other language that made you think he was talking about actual meat. "It was tough sleddin, and Dale's thinkin meats were spoiling like a hot day before refrigeration made the dry season bearable." What?

 

[fricklefrackle]

Jesus fucking Christ, English isn't even my first language and I find this shit offensive.

 

[SensibleKeks]

Pat stole that first line from Sin City who stole it from another movie.

 

[Salted Earth Truffle]

Pat is the living example of why you’re supposed to remove as many adverbs as possible from your writing, especially fiction. It’s the mark of a true amateur to have a manuscript full of adverbs like Pat’s.

 

[PorqueDealer]

2015.
This was written by a 35 year old..

 

[Meownaw]

We got any shitty sci-fi back there Earl?

 

[AntSucks]

His writing is offensively bad. It makes you feel like you've forgotten how to read because it's so irritating to parse.

It makes me understand how dyslexics feel.

 

[DrTorqueCarlisi]

War on Christmas? But literal? That's your bit?

 

[Salted Earth Truffle]

View attachment 118403

2015.
This was written by a 35 year old..

This nigger’s death row meal will be meatloaf and beer with animal crackers. He probably sleeps (alone) in a racecar bed.

 

[Faggot Boqposter]

That is truly awful. That’s almost ooga level bad.

Patrick complains about AI but really he is the OG ai writer. He writes like a flawed learning algorithm trying to mimic humanspeak. It’s some bizarre literary chimera of different tropes and styles thrown haphazardly together. It just makes you feel…unnatural reading it.

 

[DrTorqueCarlisi]

Patrick complains about AI but really he is the OG ai writer. He writes like a flawed learning algorithm trying to mimic humanspeak. It’s some bizarre literary chimera of different tropes and styles thrown haphazardly together. It just makes you feel…unnatural reading it.

Perfect take. He is constantly trying to simulate what he thinks constitutes humanity, popularity, masculinity, and intelligence.

But the average person can see how fake and juvenile he is, and how everything he does is for show.

Anyway, Happy 42nd to me! Already opened prezzies and gotten dozens of messages from friends and family. Dinner later.

 

[ISO__JOE]

Garth Earl Jenkins sounds like a name from a Tim and Eric bit. He fucking stinks. Is it really this easy to get a book published?

 

[DMbA]

View attachment 118403

2015.
This was written by a 35 year old..

Robot Chinese New Year Day 1: "ni hao"