Road House (2024) review

[Sgt Zogbot Delta Operator]

Not good.

Jake Gyllenhaal was put in a movie with a bunch of shitty actors and niggers. Terrible directing, terrible writing. I had no idea so many magic niggers lived in the Florida Keys. Conor McGregor blew his one shot to be an actor. He needs to stop doing cocaine and taking steroids because he looks retarded.

The director honestly should kill himself.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I hope Conor McGregor becomes a fucking quadriplegic and can't enjoy anything.

 

[Guest]

Im watching it right now. Fawking twrrible. I’m only like 30 minutes in. CGI MMA-fighter post-Malone looked like a video game. All the black people are magical, noble, and cool. Knife wounds just need duct tape.

 

[Guest]

Why the fuck did they use so much CGI in the fight scenes?

 

[Guest]

It’s irritating me how much Gyllenhall is an “aw shucks” good guy. I understand from the foreshadowing that he probably kills someone in the ring and now has an aversion to violence. Fine fine. Just seems very cliche.

Swayze’s Dalton was 100x more interesting of a character as a philosopher-warrior.

Again only about 40 minutes in.

 

[Guest]

Whoa!!!! This villain is SO CRAZY he gets a straight razor shave on a boat in wavey seas!!!!

 

[Guest]

I think Patrick was a consultant for the knife fight scene. “When he pulls out the knife just step back and jab him in the face!” Great advice for the untrained civilian teenager, dumbfuck.

 

[Sgt Zogbot Delta Operator]

Okay Harry take the thread away.

 

[Guest]

dudes start fighting in a bar and someone yells “bar fight!!!” And then all of the random patrons just attack the person nearest to them while the house band plays a ZZ Top knockoff. Exactly like a kids sitcom food fight scene.

So far not a single thing in this movie has compared to “Pain don’t hurt.”

Why the fuck would you CGI all of the fight scenes? Looks like a fucking PS4 game.

 

[guest]

I switched it off a minute or two after McGregor's character turned up. He's a horrible actor and weird looking cunt now he's a junkie. Gyllenhaal is a great actor, but is miscast. He can work out as much as he likes but he doesn't look like a fighter and has a soft voice. Swayze was basically a ballerina, but you bought him as Dalton partly because he had a deep masculine voice (3 packs a day man.) As soon as Jake opens his mouth you just think "fag actor."

 

[FalconeFanClub]

Imagine going into that movie with any expectations? The original one was so absurd that it was ironically good. I’m gonna watch it this weekend with the expectation that it’s gonna be totally retarded. If it’s just a shitty movie, then I’ll be upset.

Also, because I’m a smart mark, Terry Funks absence will be sorely felt. It’s still real to me damnnit!

 

[Guest]

I switched it off a minute or two after McGregor's character turned up. He's a horrible actor and weird looking cunt now he's a junkie. Gyllenhaal is a great actor, but is miscast. He can work out as much as he likes but he doesn't look like a fighter and has a soft voice. Swayze was basically a ballerina, but you bought him as Dalton partly because he had a deep masculine voice (3 packs a day man.) As soon as Jake opens his mouth you just think "fag actor."

Swayze also had a masculine face despite being a “pretty boy”. He could look a little weathered.

Right now it’s getting INTENSE

Dalton IS AFRAID! More afraid than you COULD EVER KNOW… of what HE might do!!!!!!!!

Also why would the villains attack the roadhouse itself? Simply pay off the owner or rape and terrorize her or kill her.

 

[Cuphead]

Watched it last night. I wanted to like it and it has the right idea not to take itself too seriously, but it's is a total misfire. There is absolutely no charm or character to any of it. The fight scenes are shot and edited horribly like they wanted you to notice it's fake and there is a shocking amount of bad CGI. Gyllenhall slept walk through the whole thing and I have no idea why he decided to take this roll. Conor honestly didn't bother me because he's just playing himself, but I could see how would annoy people. A letdown for sure because it had potential to be a super fun movie, but I get why this ended up on streaming and not in theaters.

 

[Guest]

Imagine going into that movie with any expectations? The original one was so absurd that it was ironically good. I’m gonna watch it this weekend with the expectation that it’s gonna be totally retarded. If it’s just a shitty movie, then I’ll be upset.

Also, because I’m a smart mark, Terry Funks absence will be sorely felt. It’s still real to me damnnit!

It’s just a shitty movie. They didn’t understand any of the reasons people like the original.

This is a movie for dudes that think it’s cool to be in the army and SEE RED and listen to Trapt.

 

[Guest]

Watched it last night. I wanted to like it and it has the right idea not to take itself too seriously, but it's is a total misfire. There is absolutely no charm or character to any of it. The fight scenes are shot and edited horribly like they wanted you to notice it's fake and there is a shocking amount of bad CGI. Gyllenhall slept walk through the whole thing and I have no idea why he decided to take this roll. Conor honestly didn't bother me because he's just playing himself, but I could see how would annoy people. A letdown for sure because it had potential to be a super fun movie, but I get why this ended up on streaming and not in theaters.

I actually don’t mind Connor because - despite being an objectively bad actor - he’s the only reason to watch this POS.

The humor that is in the movie is appreciated but misplaced. The gag with him driving the bad guys to the hospital, the one goon who is actually a nice guy and seems kind of polite, etc.

 

[FalconeFanClub]

It’s just a shitty movie. They didn’t understand any of the reasons people like the original.

This is a movie for dudes that think it’s cool to be in the army and SEE RED and listen to Trapt.

I appreciate the clarification. That just stinks then. I had a big night planned of watching it with my wife while we ate Thai food and didn’t have sex. Still going to watch it but at least expectations are tempered. Have a good weekend!

 

[guest]

Imagine going into that movie with any expectations? The original one was so absurd that it was ironically good. I’m gonna watch it this weekend with the expectation that it’s gonna be totally retarded. If it’s just a shitty movie, then I’ll be upset.

Also, because I’m a smart mark, Terry Funks absence will be sorely felt. It’s still real to me damnnit!

Prepare to be upset

 

[Guest]

I don’t understand the casting. I honestly think you could have just put The Rock in this shit.

 

[guest]

I don’t understand the casting. I honestly think you could have just put The Rock in this shit.

Statham as Dalton might've worked. He can't do an American accent to save his life, but he's one of the only action stars today who act as a convincing fighter.

 

[Guest]

Oh shit!!! “Enter Sandman” is playing!!! That’s Dalton’s music!!!!