Patrick S. Tomlinson's 3 month "beach hot" countdown thread

[Brooke Shields]

What month is it again? I could have sworn it was July. Don't people in the Northern Hemisphere traditionally get a "beach body" for summertime, not autumn?

It seems he already has his next (5th?) vacation planned for the year. ...While having no job, a 'pandemic' going on, and losing a lawsuit against the internet.

I really do assume on one of these trips he's just going to run off with one of niki's credit cards like a kid running away, maybe take a backpack with a gameboy and some pudding cups

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

He will wear the Brewers shirt while going out in ocean just like other fatsos would do

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

Any bets? https://costaricadaily.substack.com/p/atlantic-hurricane-season-costa-rica

 

[Coonskin]

In Pat's defense the weather in mke is finally good enough to actually hang out at the beach. I'm sure he'll just be drinking his ass off at the bar though and nowhere near the beach. Lake Michigan is filled with shit water though and years ago you couldn't drive along the coast without it reeking of human feces.

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

I predict Pat will be fatter than ever on that trip, the suit is dead in the water and he will owe a lot of money for wasting legal professionals time. Plus playoff baseball and football is right around the corner which means more excuses for Pat to sit around drinking and eating.

 

[Coonskin]

Any bets? https://costaricadaily.substack.com/p/atlantic-hurricane-season-costa-rica

Patrick being killed by an act from God would truly be the best punishment

 

[Gay Faggot.]

He plans on crash dieting for that beach bod. This should be interesting time lapse.

He’ll be cash dieting after he loses.

 

[OpieRadio]

2 months remain

 

[MunchausenByProxy]

Any bets? https://costaricadaily.substack.com/p/atlantic-hurricane-season-costa-rica

If his vacation is ruined by a hurricane, he’ll be oinking to the high heavens about climate change

 

[TheDarkFezRises]

This is a great bit. We need to track all selfies he takes in the next three months for his Beach Body Countdown.

I don't think he's posted another picture since we laughed at how obese he was here. His selfies have dried up even though his social media addiction has only increased, I'm starting to think piggy may be developing self awareness.

 

[Uncle Anthony Cumia]

He couldn’t get “beach hot” if he set himself on fire on a beach.

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

I don't think he's posted another picture since we laughed at how obese he was here. His selfies have dried up even though his social media addiction has only increased, I'm starting to think piggy may be developing self awareness.

His last one with Niki he cropped part of his face out and was trying really hard to stick his head out to avoid looking fat. He can’t take a selfie without looking like mashed potatoes.

 

[Uncle Anthony Cumia]

What does “El Gordo Pendejo” mean, niño? Stop talking in Spangali, as a fat bloated American wasting my government free money checks in your third world country, I demand you compliment me in English, niño.

 

[SmellenShoehorn]

I heard he's doing P90Mess

P90XL
He's Shaun Low-T

 

[SmellenShoehorn]

He could lose a lot of weight and get into shape (he won't of course, but he could if he had self-discipline) but he'll never be a good looking guy. He doesn't have the facial bones for it. He has always had the facial structure of a plump, middle-aged German woman.

A Half-Housefräu

 

[Guyincognito]

Ol Pudgie the Whale Patrick has never been lukewarm, much less beach hot

 

[Pat_Torque_Monday]

Crash diet? Can’t he just crash and die?

 

[Missy's Mangled Feetster]

Fat? I'm sorry you don't understand; he's been making serious gains in that gym set-up in the attic. You only get those kinds of gains doing Earlobe Curls and French Onion Dips.

Sumo Breadlifts

 

[Will Tate]

Pat won't post any pics from his vacation until the week after he gets back, so no one hold your breath. At least the tenants have a week free of shouted expletives and unexplainable smells to look forward to.

 

[CarolMaxheinie]

Pat won't post any pics from his vacation until the week after he gets back, so no one hold your breath. At least the tenants have a week free of shouted expletives and unexplainable smells to look forward to.

One time, Niagara Falls froze solid. The quiet, eerie absence of the crashing falls was too much for people. Several residents went crazy with anxiety until the ice broke and the flow returned

Patso and Niki’s tenants will relate to this when they suddenly enjoy a week without creeking baseboards, slamming pocket doors, and the 85 Db drone of farts from the other half of their ramshackle shanty. Nothing but the faint screams from the Section 8 housing fifteen feet away to break the unsettling, monotonous silence.