-
Reminder: Do not call, text, or mention harrassing someone in real life. Do not encourage it. Do not talk about killing or using violence against anyone, or engaging in any criminal behavior. If it is not an obvious joke even when taken out of context, don't post it.
Do not post IRL pranks here without including the source
One of the most ridiculous tough guy stories ever told
- Thread starter Bernard
- Start date
No way Pat is six feet.
Pat is CM Pork.
The CM is for Cuck Me.
A random white cis-het CHUD walks into Hooligans.
This rando cracker oppressor decides to yell out to the patrons hateful, unprompted racial slurs, and then stomps on a Non-binary flag.
Everyone in bar looks away uncomfortable and quiet in fear - until one man... Who is totally NOT fat... closes his laptop that contains the writing of his next bestseller slowly, and stands up.
Taking off his sunglasses, his Members only jacket, his COVID mask, and his dental dam, Patrick "Tommy Gun" Tomlinson nods to the people he was associating with - which was really the whole bar because he's SO popular - and walks up to the token Honky Bully.
Patrick, looking down at the man, clearly, because he's also taller and more dominant - and NOT fat - says "Oh, my sweeT summer child, you did noT jusT bring your inTolerance inTo MY bar! This is a Safe Space, and if you do noT leave, you won'T like whaT happens nexxxxxxxxxxxT!"
The racist peckerwood, who may or may not resemble Bull Hurley from "Over The Top", runs out the bar in fear. And also crying.
All of the patrons in the bar stand and cheer for their hero Patrick, and offer him free drinks, rides home, and whatever genitals they possess as tribute purely out of sexual arousal towards the very pansexual Pat.
Patrick sighs to himself, and thinks "JusT a Typical Tuesday nighT in the life of a King".
This rando cracker oppressor decides to yell out to the patrons hateful, unprompted racial slurs, and then stomps on a Non-binary flag.
Everyone in bar looks away uncomfortable and quiet in fear - until one man... Who is totally NOT fat... closes his laptop that contains the writing of his next bestseller slowly, and stands up.
Taking off his sunglasses, his Members only jacket, his COVID mask, and his dental dam, Patrick "Tommy Gun" Tomlinson nods to the people he was associating with - which was really the whole bar because he's SO popular - and walks up to the token Honky Bully.
Patrick, looking down at the man, clearly, because he's also taller and more dominant - and NOT fat - says "Oh, my sweeT summer child, you did noT jusT bring your inTolerance inTo MY bar! This is a Safe Space, and if you do noT leave, you won'T like whaT happens nexxxxxxxxxxxT!"
The racist peckerwood, who may or may not resemble Bull Hurley from "Over The Top", runs out the bar in fear. And also crying.
All of the patrons in the bar stand and cheer for their hero Patrick, and offer him free drinks, rides home, and whatever genitals they possess as tribute purely out of sexual arousal towards the very pansexual Pat.
Patrick sighs to himself, and thinks "JusT a Typical Tuesday nighT in the life of a King".
A random white cis-het CHUD walks into Hooligans.
This rando cracker oppressor decides to yell out to the patrons hateful, unprompted racial slurs, and then stomps on a Non-binary flag.
Everyone in bar looks away uncomfortable and quiet in fear - until one man... Who is totally NOT fat... closes his laptop that contains the writing of his next bestseller slowly, and stands up.
Taking off his sunglasses, his Members only jacket, his COVID mask, and his dental dam, Patrick "Tommy Gun" Tomlinson nods to the people he was associating with - which was really the whole bar because he's SO popular - and walks up to the token Honky Bully.
Patrick, looking down at the man, clearly, because he's also taller and more dominant - and NOT fat - says "Oh, my sweeT summer child, you did noT jusT bring your inTolerance inTo MY bar! This is a Safe Space, and if you do noT leave, you won'T like whaT happens nexxxxxxxxxxxT!"
The racist peckerwood, who may or may not resemble Bull Hurley from "Over The Top", runs out the bar in fear. And also crying.
All of the patrons in the bar stand and cheer for their hero Patrick, and offer him free drinks, rides home, and whatever genitals they possess as tribute purely out of sexual arousal towards the very pansexual Pat.
Patrick sighs to himself, and thinks "JusT a Typical Tuesday nighT in the life of a King".
Hack Beacher in
Running Blind (and Fat)
By Lee (Child)
Edit: anyone know a good AI for generating stories. Id love to prompt it to write reacher style stores except it's protagonists is a clinically obese fantasist who constantly embarrassed himself
This is why you have 124k ribs. You just get it, dude. Like a hot knife through anus, the Suester is our only remaining sociologyster now that Jenna is gone.
That plus him thinking that 6' is big, or that weighing 225 when you're only 6' and you clearly aren't muscular is impressive. The average height in the US for white/European-descended men is like 5'10". So, slightly above average height and like 50 lbs fatter than a healthy weight, and Pat thinks this is intimidating. He's literally obese by BMI standards.
Rdrk
I have gotten six death threats in the last three weeks and I have a standard response to them now, which I have found to be very effective. When somebody sends me a death threat, I have a picture of me buck naked, holding an assault rifle, with a RAGE ERECTION. And I just send that picture to them with a little caption that says "Can't wait to meet you, I wonder which one you're more afraid of getting shot with". Nothing happens after that. That's pretty much the end of that. It won't work for everybody, but it's worked for me so far.
Last edited:
His entire life is based on the anger he has towards his first wife. Really explains why he’s so fat and ugly - all that anger and hate can really do a number on you.
"My bartender" no faggot, it's The bartender
Abester, you're under the false assumption that she's any better than him. She chose him, she is shit
Aside from unsolicited dick pics being a crime, rage erections arent a thing
If you do get a boner when you're angry, you're a mutant
Aside from unsolicited dick pics being a crime, rage erections arent a thing
If you do get a boner when you're angry, you're a mutant
Yeah I don’t know where he got the idea that he thought “rage erections” are a thing that everyone knows about. By his own behavior that would mean anything news about Trump / Musk would arouse him sexually…in anger? Kinda sounds rapey to me, maybe Kelly “The Rapist” Williams told Pat about his rage erections he has for white women and Pat thought it was a thing.
What?! Didn't you see?! He wears a hat backwards and red dragon shirts!. You never mess with someone who's wardrobe screams bad ass like that
What about a Fear Boner?
Might also explain how gay he is.
