Kayak Hate Thread

[Turry Precision ™®©]

Why don't you just fuckin shut the hell up?

Fine. I will. Then you'll be sorry.

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

Fun fact: "kayak" is an Eskimo word that means "man's boat," so if you see any dumb broads in them it's perfectly acceptable and culturally sensitive to be rude.

 

[Racist Google Intern]

I don't get the hate to be honest with ya, a lunchbox with an extra beer and a fishing rod on top of it? Sign me up, plus there are no kayak cops so who is gonna pull you over for wearing no safety gear?
Also WWAWD tubing down rivers?

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Fine. I will. Then you'll be sorry.

I'm an alcoholic, Terry. I have a problem. I've been shooting these boxes with a slingshot all night, Terry. There is a skunk in my fucking yard that I tolerate when I'm outside, but when I'm in the house it somehow stinks worse if I have a window open. Which I need to do in my bedroom. That's where I sleep, Terry. It's very small and it runs everywhere. It's kind of a funny little fucker. I call him Pepe Le Staythefuckouttamyard. Probably has rabies.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

It just mills around and won't fucking leave. I yelled FUCK at it and it ran across the road. I can still smell it. Cockshiner.

 

[Professor Rape]

I don't get the hate to be honest with ya, a lunchbox with an extra beer and a fishing rod on top of it? Sign me up, plus there are no kayak cops so who is gonna pull you over for wearing no safety gear?
Also WWAWD tubing down rivers?

Now tubing I can get behind

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Fun fact: "kayak" is an Eskimo word that means "man's boat," so if you see any dumb broads in them it's perfectly acceptable and culturally sensitive to be rude.

The odd time I see this Steve C looking faggot with a 90s goatee who has a sweet fishing kayak for both him and his wife. I always think "I'm sure that's fun and she doesn't scream when a deer fly bites her or absolutely HAVE to pee NOW when there's nowhere to get out. Or you've done like 3/4s of your trip and she CAN'T FUCKEENG DO THIS ANYMORRRRUH and instead of just making it and taking a nice fucking chill ass break, standing in the water and fishing, they'd rather turn around and paddle alllll the fucking way back while my fucking ass hurts and I WANT TO FUCKING STAND UP TOO, YOU STUPIT BITCH! YOU FUCKIN STUPIT FUCKIN CUNT BITCH!

"OHMYGAWD I FUCKEENG LOVE FISHEENG. MY DAD TOOK ME FISHEENG BEFORE HE IMMOLATED HEEMSELF EENFRONT OF MY WHOLE FUCKEENG FAMILY ON THINKSGEEVEENG WHEN I WAS 7. MY FEEMILY IS SEW FUCKEENG WEIRD, RIGHT?"

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Now tubing I can get behind

You ever had a buddy in a kayak pull you in a tube while you just get shitfaced and take in the sightsssss?

 

[Professor Rape]

I see this Steve C looking faggot

Was he face down in the water?

I'm sorry... That that's terrible

 

[Professor Rape]

You ever had a buddy in a kayak pull you in a tube while you just get shitfaced and take in the sightsssss?

No but it's now on my bucket list.

You know I once knew someone so stupid... Get this

The first thing on his bucket list? Commit suicide!

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

No but it's now on my bucket list.

You know I once knew someone so stupid... Get this

The first thing on his bucket list? Commit suicide!

Go to Algonquin Park, Dougie. It's mostly honkies and Asians. There are some fine ass Asian broads there always. Have consensual sex with an Asian lady. Rent a canoe. Go fishing. Get killed by a moose or a bear. Die a warrior's death in the icy North and join your kin in Valhalla. Your half-Asian seed will live to avenge you.

 

[Professor Rape]

Go to Algonquin Park, Dougie. It's mostly honkies and Asians. There are some fine ass Asian broads there always. Have consensual sex with an Asian lady. Rent a canoe. Go fishing. Get killed by a moose or a bear. Die a warrior's death in the icy North and join your kin in Valhalla. Your half-Asian seed will live to avenge you.

I'm gonna go to water places once I'm shredded. I'm serious this time.

Just spoke to my doctor. Get this... He said open your mouth and say oink.

 

[Stent]

Just spoke to my doctor. Get this... He said open your mouth and say oink.

 

[ThePhantomOfFrankKuiack]

I reckon time has passed me by. Used to be a man would be happy with a canoe. Let all kinds of folks into the park now.

 

[Uncle Floyd]

Did he smash his head when he flipped or was he held in by one of those "skirts" (that's what they're called) that the white water faggots use?

I'm not sure. We didn't always get the full details when a body came to the prep room. His skin was really abraded by whatever was flowing along in the river, so I assumed he flipped, got stuck, drowned, and was cut up by twigs, silt and whatever else flowed past his corpse.

 

[Professor Rape]

I'm not sure. We didn't always get the full details when a body came to the prep room. His skin was really abraded by whatever was flowing along in the river, so I assumed he flipped, got stuck, drowned, and was cut up by twigs, silt and whatever else flowed past his corpse.

Do you ever have people you know show up? That must motherfuck you.

 

[RobertMewler]

I'm not sure. We didn't always get the full details when a body came to the prep room. His skin was really abraded by whatever was flowing along in the river, so I assumed he flipped, got stuck, drowned, and was cut up by twigs, silt and whatever else flowed past his corpse.

His body got the ol' Spalding Gray treatment.

 

[whyarewedoingthisagain_mybb]

A kayak is just a coffin version of a canoe, nice helmet and lifejacket when you flip upside down stupid.

 

[Uncle Floyd]

His body got the ol' Spalding Gray treatment.

Yeah, kind of! He wasn't in there for as long as Gray, but he was in long enough to look like he'd gone a few rounds with a cheese grater.

 

[Uncle Floyd]

Do you ever have people you know show up? That must motherfuck you.

I didn't grow up in the area where I worked so most of the people were strangers. I couldn't imagine working on friends or their family members.