I have to entertain people in my house from tomorrow until Sunday

[Slackjawed Cow]

Glover is a pet spider/snake guy too.

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

So it's not even a fun zoo trip it's a "oh let me tell you about this majestic species of reptile" unwanted tour from Crispin?

I hope not. I hope he wants to eat out somewhere and i don't have to grill this asshole chicken breasts

 

[Kinderman]

Glover is a pet spider/snake guy too.

Get that pedophile out of your home ASAP.

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

Glover is a pet spider/snake guy too.

Been squishing every spooder I see.

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

Been squishing every spooder I see.

What is that, some reference

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

What is that, some reference

It's a reference to the most horrifying story ever told (real life).

 

[PogromStallone]

Get this blasting if it ever gets too much.

 

[Voscabulary]

I fucking hate staying at peoples houses. Everybody’s guest room sucks and you can tell it’s the room no one goes in. On top of that, you feel like you have to be appreciative 24/7 because you know damn well your ass should be in a hotel. All my friends seem to like their thermostats set at 78F. There’s always some awkwardness in the morning where you don’t know what’s an acceptable time to go downstairs. I live in mortal fear of clogging the toilet.

I refuse to do it anymore. I’ll pay for the Marriott thank you very much.

Anyways, that’s what I’d be thinking if I were Crispin Glover but since he’s already talking about “food considerations,” my guess is he’s made himself at home and judging how you live. Tell his ass to hit the Best Western on the other side of town.

I am severely neurotic when it comes to dropping da hammers in someone else's loo, to the point that it's a real fawkin problem. just a few weeks ago, I left in the middle of a party just to go have a shit at my place then came right back. I lied and said my sister rang up with needing help moving a couch lol

 

[Ants Hard Drive of Horror]

I am severely neurotic when it comes to dropping da hammers in someone else's loo, to the point that it's a real fawkin problem. just a few weeks ago, I left in the middle of a party just to go have a shit at my place then came right back. I lied and said my sister rang up with needing help moving a couch lol

The trick is to try readying the dump so it will fly out of your ass as soon as you squat on the bowl. Then flush immediately. You'll save time in case you need it later to clean up and since flushing multiple times raises concerns from people in earshot, you can pass the first one off as "the guy before me didnt flush".

 

[Voscabulary]

The trick is to try readying the dump so it will fly out of your ass as soon as you squat on the bowl. Then flush immediately. You'll save time in case you need it later to clean up and since flushing multiple times raises concerns from people in earshot, you can pass the first one off as "the guy before me didnt flush".

faaawk, I might actually try that in the future. it would at least eliminate the odour quicker, which is my primary concern

 

[Zombie247]

Jews have a great sense of humour. Point someone out, as being a Holocaust denier.
And watch the hilarity ensue.

I never ripped off the idea from my hero Norm.

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

it would at least eliminate the odour quicker, which is my primary concern

Are you gonna start showering next?

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

It is taking everything in my power to not flip the fuck out on these people right now

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

It is taking everything in my power to not flip the fuck out on these people right now

So when's movie night? When are you gonna watch kino with two females?

 

[Jen_Tomlinson]

I sat next to a Jewish woman at a restaurant who asked for another server because the first asked too many questions trying to clarify her order, then she immediately sent it back for something she didn't even specify. I apologized to the manager and tipped extra and I'm black so that's a big deal.

Tipped once then, child.

 

[Turry Precision ™®©]

faaawk, I might actually try that in the future. it would at least eliminate the odour quicker, which is my primary concern

Scatmogging people is a power move. You've played yourself.

 

[TorpidSloth]

Don't wash your hands after shitting and then prepare a salad. Make sure to touch everything - the lettuce, the peppers, the tomatoes, cucumbers etc. At the very least, they'll never come back for another visit. At best, he'll be going down on the toilet for a couple of days and you won't have to interact with him.

 

[AwfulManTitTankTop]

It is taking everything in my power to not flip the fuck out on these people right now

What happened??

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

What happened??

I don't enjoy being a host

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

I don't enjoy being a host

Be sure to inform your tapeworm.