How the fawk (dan: opie/chip version of fuck) do you meet anyone on a dating app?

[guest]

Bumble. I get lots of matches. Some bitch even super liked me (she was asian tho... and Im not really in the mood for them anymore). But the convo dies after like 2 back and forths. And im great at convo.

So I got all this hot fawkin (dan: see title) pussy ready to have their pumps primed (artie: patrick tomlinson reference) but I cant get to the meeting stage.

Ive had a couple wanting to meet me right away (within minutes) but it seemed too good to be true and figured Id be getting my head kicked in and robbed.

 

[Mitch Weaver]

Maybe it's because you're fucking ugly.

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[DeadWithoutMyDavid]

Don't talk to them on the app more than a few minutes at a time and make arrangements to meet quickly. If they foot drag about it, just go silent and talk to someone else until they shape up. Remember, you are speaking to your match as a courtesy to them.

I'm something of an old testament sex god in case you were wondering

 

[Jenna]

Two suggestions:

1. There's a reality show on Netflix called The Circle, players get put in different apartments and can only communicate via text message. It's stupid as fuck but has helped me tremendously to study how alpha bro chads text attractive women. It's this weird mix of complimenting them, paying attention to some dumb shit they put on their profile, and being a lil' bit cheeky with the sexual stuff.

2. Never immediately message them back. If I get a message at 11:05am, I'll put an alarm in my phone for 2:33pm and do it then. If they message you back at 2:35pm, it means they want you.

 

[NortheastPhilly]

Invite them to partake in spontaneous fun

 

[Say “Cookie”]

Bumble. I get lots of matches. Some bitch even super liked me (she was asian tho... and Im not really in the mood for them anymore). But the convo dies after like 2 back and forths. And im great at convo.

So I got all this hot fawkin (dan: see title) pussy ready to have their pumps primed (artie: patrick tomlinson reference) but I cant get to the meeting stage.

Ive had a couple wanting to meet me right away (within minutes) but it seemed too good to be true and figured Id be getting my head kicked in and robbed.

Second message in just tell them that you find her to be incredibly sexy and would love to know more about her. Lead the conversation after her response to getting to meet up that night. Do not respond to her messages immediately, let them sit for a few minutes or hours so you don’t look desperate. Never start the conversation by saying “Hi” or “How are you?” as women tend to hate that shit.

 

[guest]

Invite them to partake in spontaneous fun

Spontaneous fun = biting their hand, playing video games too loud at 11 pm, etc?

 

[Caverlock]

I went on 3 Bumble dates and 2 of them lied about not having kids (I don't have kids).

 

[guest]

I went on 3 Bumble dates and 2 of them lied about not having kids (I don't have kids).

Why lie? What the fuck are they expecting to happen? Even if you're cool with the kids, they still lied which isn't cool for anyone.

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

The first thing i ask them is if they want to watch some Xena with me, i know they aren't the one if they don't reply or call me a retarded loser.

I also try to impress them with my encyclopedic Xena knowledge, it hasn't really worked yet, but one day it will!

 

[guest]

I don't know how to change age range on bumble, don't even think you can. But I keep matching with women who are late 30s with "children: want someday" on their profile. Fucking depressing.

 

[guest]

Bumble. I get lots of matches. Some bitch even super liked me (she was asian tho... and Im not really in the mood for them anymore). But the convo dies after like 2 back and forths. And im great at convo.

So I got all this hot fawkin (dan: see title) pussy ready to have their pumps primed (artie: patrick tomlinson reference) but I cant get to the meeting stage.

Ive had a couple wanting to meet me right away (within minutes) but it seemed too good to be true and figured Id be getting my head kicked in and robbed.

I think you should just be yourself, buddy

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

I think you should just be yourself, buddy

NOOOOOOOOOOO, DO ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!

 

[Riccardo Bosi]

I don't think dating apps are a good way of finding a quality lady, because why would a quality lady be using a dating app?

 

[Jims_Maroon_Pants]

The first thing i ask them is if they want to watch some Xena with me, i know they aren't the one if they don't reply or call me a retarded loser.

View attachment 50951

I also try to impress them with my encyclopedic Xena knowledge, it hasn't really worked yet, but one day it will!

Keep at it! There's a lid for every pot!
-God bless

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

I don't think dating apps are a good way of finding a quality lady, because why would a quality lady be using a dating app?

Exactly, almost all women have guys standing in line for them, why do they need to use a app?

There has to be something wrong with them to do so.

A woman can go to every bar and have half of the guys there want to fuck them.

 

[guest]

I don't think dating apps are a good way of finding a quality lady, because why would a quality lady be using a dating app?

Man's got a point. You know she isn't on Plenty Of Fish.

 

[guest]

Go outside, retard.
Trial and error. There’s women everywhere.

 

[Sputnik]

Do you actually want a relationship or are you looking for a slam pig?

 

[Former Prez Gerald Ford]

My favorite thing to do is post a pic of myself with a sling or cast on my arm so their maternal instincts immediately kick in. I ask them to meet me in a random parking lot where I’ll be attempting to get a sofa or some piece of furniture in the back of a windowless van. Now here’s the trick.. when she offers to help make sure she takes the side most closely positioned to the van and back her into it.. once she’s inside that’s when you begin viciously walloping her. Make sure to lock/latch the back of the van when you’re done so she can’t escape.

Just to be clear.. you do plan on killing them, right?