Hildy wrote a fantasy story about SFWA superheros battling against Internet trolls

[HeyItsVos]

Why would you say that

He seems too cartoonish to be real.

 

[Cumtown Fags]

It's like Ready Player One meets Lord of the Rings meets Cuties... IN SPACE!!!

 

[ChildSpitTake]

Chritthie Mayer!!! I love chritthie Mayer! we were just talking about personal things! Tee hee...

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[Danrangutan 🦧]

excerpt from a different story he wrote
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"...THE QUESTION were regarding THE QUESTION of a young girl's genitalia, if THE QUESTION..."

he got distracted with the young girl's genitalia and his brain malfunctioned

Eric is 100% a pedophile. What a demented sicko.

 

[Podcasting 101]

I'll write a story where the people on here are superheroes. I'll be so friggin' popular!

 

[guest]

Nice 3rd trimester pose at the bar, stupid

What a vapid inbred whore!

 

[LeapYearRavioliCap]

Fuck, this is unbelievable. How does this forum attract the most broken enemies? It's like something that one would write at seven years old. Pederasts often also have arrested development, maybe this is why he pleads for their acceptance, they are the major consumers of his "artistic output"

Ol' Hildy was definitely interfered with as a youngster

 

[JoeBrotheChildSpitGuzzler]

spoiler alert: ti's fucking shit, I read it so you don't have to

SYNOPSIS
In the magical realm of The Scroll authors have an alter-ego superhero with different superpowers related to their body of work.

Plot
(for conciseness I'll just name authors but it's really their magical avatar in fantasyland, not their Earth version. Most of the time I won't name them because I don't know SF/F authors because it's a fag genre)

Part 1
Scalzi was chilling in Net Town when he saw a helpless idea getting harassed by a troll
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so he calls backup, Delany and a few others. They have a gay little fight against the troll, who doesn't speak and his motivations are not developed. Long story short they win but they're worried for the future of Faggot Realm
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Trolls are strong because they have a champion who emboldens them. I take this to mean Patrick S. Tomlinson but maybe it's orange man

So they decide THEY need a champion. One of the heroes says he has already figured out who it should be: SOME BLACK LADY! but it can't be, she's BRICKED in the underworld where forgotten authors go. You can't un-brick her!

unless... (read this one)
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yeah Hildy I don't think including Otto Frank's "Diary of a Young Girl" in a story about fantasy works is very tactful.

To accomplish un-bricking the next Anne Frank they're going to need ALL the superheros from the fag realm to help their mission. Including the AFROFUTURISM heros
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hahahaha I'm so sorry Oghenechovwe

so they split out to recruit heroes from different continents (subgenres of speculative fiction) of the faggot realm.

Part 2
a contingent of heroes arrives at Wakanda and beg the negro heroes to support the cause, they proceed to respond that they're in only if WYPIPO on The Cannon sector support it
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then one of the blacks has a violent outburst.

heroes confer, all the land is in AS LONG as the obsolete white cis males from the Cannon accept to embrace blacks and gays I suppose

they go to the Cannon region, here more recognizable superheros (Asimov, Clarke, Bradbury, Verne, Vonnegut) are presented with the problem and are all like "sure why not"

Part 3
all the stars are here! all the heroes go together to the underworld but can't cross a bog because the superpowers aren't working in the spooky area. Unless they work as a TEAM!
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eventually the Dune worms are summoned by Frank Herbert and the heroes ride them past the bog

then the team encounters ZOMBIES. Why are zombies manifested in Faggot Realm? I'll let Hildy explain
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battle scene against a horde of zombies ensues. One by one they show off which superpower they have, heroes defeat them easily, nobody is even hurt.

Part 4
our heroes advance further into the spooky area, JK Rowling gets WOUNDED by an explosive dog. Horde of trolls appear out of a magical hole!

battle scene ensues in which everyone shows off their superpowers, heroes are LOSING

you know how in Power Rangers they fuse together into a bigger fighter? well they do that, Hildy calls it a CONGLOMERATE, each subgenre has a CONGLOMERATE. And the trolls do it too

eventually they win because George R. R. Martin freezes them or something (coldness is his power because "winter is coming")

they leave Rowling behind because she's hurt and Stephen King and I think Tolkien stay there to take care of her. Rest of the team moves forward

Part 5
they finally arrive at the wall were all "bricked" authors are, which is protected by a giant DEMON. Battle scene again! but he's too powerful so they retreat.

One of them has an epiphany that you can't take a brick without replacing it with another one, so they have to sacrifice someone to rescue the nigger lady they are looking for

John W. Campbell volunteers to kill himself. Wikipedia says it's some pioneer of scifi who supported segregation and thought blackies were smelly or something. He's like "IT'S ALL MY FAULT I HAVE TO DIE FOR BIPOCS" and they all agree and salute his bravery and contribution to scifi

During the tense process Scalzi gets invited to join the Cannon and their conglomerate form, which is... a big canon
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they do the switcharoo and the black lady they went looking for, Octavia E. Butler, resurrects. She won a bunch of Nebula awards, not sure what her significance is.

She reunites with Delany
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THE END

My Review
it's so bad, I'm not just saying this to hate on Hildy. The characters are all the same, the famous author's personality or history has no impact, they're all plain capeshit "good guy". Even when the Wakanda ones acted sassy about the white cis authors in the literary cannon it lasted one paragraph. The rest of the story they are all in full agreement all of the time.

Antagonists (zombies, trolls, demon) barely speak, their motivations are not developed, it's the most basic infantile "good vs bad" narrative imaginable.

THE AUTHORS he chose are fucking retarded. He gave a ton of attention to contemporary writers while cultural icons most people would recognize are either missing or barely have a cameo. Even by his own "white cis male euro authors bad, brown people good" standard he failed miserably. Verne might be the only non-English speaker.

Very crigne how he hand-holds the reader about who the hero represents. He explains that "Big Brother" is Orwell or "Foundation" the robot is Asimov, WHO KNEW???

THE SUPERPOWERS are mostly different flavors of teleportation, clairvoyance, flying. Very gay. The battle scenes were all iterations of "(hero) used (their superpower) against the baddies" over and over.

it's never explained why the black lady is "bricked", according to her wikipedia she's highly acclaimed, won tons of awards, and seems beloved in the SF/F scene, why is she in the "forgotten" realm?

weakest point: NO PATPOSTING REFERENCE, I was expecting a Robert Prongay ice cream villain. Nothing at all. Boo!

score: 0/10 I regret reading it and writing all of this which nobody will ever read in full. Well Hildy might, you suck ass dude I challenge you to a writing competition, loser leaves the Pattyverse

if you want to read this trash you need an account on this website and search for Eric Hildeman

My review:

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[More Worser]

yeah Hildy I don't think including Otto Frank's "Diary of a Young Girl" in a story about fantasy works is very tactful.

Why not? The holocaust was fantasy too

 

[JoeBrotheChildSpitGuzzler]

 

[Ants Hard Drive of Horror]

Well do the Super Authors win against the evil internet trolls? Inquiring minds want to know!

 

[NormsGhost]

I'm so very delighted y'all hate this story. I can't imagine a more ringing endorsement. You claim Scalzi is a hack, you think Oghenechovwe Donald Ekpeki isn't even a writer, and you claim Patrick's writings are bad or plagiarized when they're clearly not. What more can I say? Gold star for me!

 

[guest]

I'm so very delighted y'all hate this story. I can't imagine a more ringing endorsement. You claim Scalzi is a hack, you think Oghenechovwe Donald Ekpeki isn't even a writer, and you claim Patrick's writings are bad or plagiarized when they're clearly not. What more can I say? Gold star for me!

Don't you have an ugly wife you need to be cleaning shit up after?

 

[DominusOdium]

Imagine being so lonely you keep coming back here for attention, even when it's this type of attention.

Life's pretty empty without God, children (your own, to give you meaning and purpose, not kids you got a boner for in a movie, Eric) or any significant achievements.

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

I'm so very delighted y'all hate this story. I can't imagine a more ringing endorsement. You claim Scalzi is a hack, you think Oghenechovwe Donald Ekpeki isn't even a writer, and you claim Patrick's writings are bad or plagiarized when they're clearly not. What more can I say? Gold star for me!

Ekpeki is barely a writer, the majority of his work is being an editor and putting other people’s short stories together in a collection. You didn’t know that? Did you assume he wrote all the books he promotes? He didn’t write those. His actual writing is shit.

Also Pats writing IS bad and plagiarized. He rips off things like Hitchhikers Guide and even bragged his recent work is “Hunt for Red October in space” which I’m sure he only saw the movie and didn’t read the Clancy book it’s based on. Every character talks like Pat and it’s nothing but lame snark and beat to death references from 80s movies (Don’t cross the streams!) that are lame. Pat’s writing is clunky and awkward because he’s obsessed with word count so he adds unneeded words / details that slows everything down. Pat thinks “more words = better book” and believes everything he writes is gold and it’s clear he is unable to take any criticism.

Pat believe his audience is stupid like him and I can give you an example. Pat had a character named “Fonald Plump” (Durr Trump!) in one of his awful books. It’s beat you over the head obvious what he’s going for an not at all clever. Mario Puzo’s “The Godfather” book (yes, that movie came from a book, Hildy) had a character named Johnny Fontaine that was based on Frank Sinatra and his alleged mob ties. Puzo didn’t feel the need to call his character something like “Hank Frinatra” because that would be hack - and hack describes Pat’s writing.

Also - “Fonald Plump” sounds A LOT like “Ronald Plump” which was the Trump character in those twitter Krassenstein brothers creepy children’s book that featured a shirtless Robert Mueller. Another example of Pat ripping someone off.

 

[Danrangutan 🦧]

I'm so very delighted y'all hate this story. I can't imagine a more ringing endorsement. You claim Scalzi is a hack, you think Oghenechovwe Donald Ekpeki isn't even a writer, and you claim Patrick's writings are bad or plagiarized when they're clearly not. What more can I say? Gold star for me!

I actually think Donald is a better writer than you which is hilarious because English isn’t his native language and he didn’t have the advantage of a western education system. Your writing is that bad.

 

[Steve Ramone]

I'm so very delighted y'all hate this story. I can't imagine a more ringing endorsement. You claim Scalzi is a hack, you think Oghenechovwe Donald Ekpeki isn't even a writer, and you claim Patrick's writings are bad or plagiarized when they're clearly not. What more can I say? Gold star for me!

You know what, you're absolutely right. Since that was a rough draft you should put all of us trolls to shame by posting the final version or whatever you have done. That would surely chap the cheeks of every fool here, Hildy.

If you didn't, it would have to be for some reason... like say you're a cowardly faggot lying to yourself because you know how horrible it is deep down inside and your fragile little Mensa ego couldn't take the hit as we gleefully tore your work to shreds. Pussy.