Have you ever dated a chick who thought watching porn was cheating?

[TheRevAlJolson]

My wife isn't a fan of skin flicks, but neither am I really, so it's whatever. Outside of a laugh at the more ridiculous, most porn doesn't do shit for me. I can't get it out of my head that these porn whores just take buckets of jizz week after week. I'd rather crank it to a Sears catalogue like I'm 12 again. In fact, I think a pic of a girl in a small bikini is infinitely sexier than some girl spread so wide you can see her kidneys.

 

[TheRevAlJolson]

Every woman I've lived with has caught me jacking off, which pisses them off 100% of the time. My one ex showed me a video she took of me furiously beating off in my sleep one time. It was insanely embarrassing. She thought it was hilarious. I'll never forget how stupid my face looked. My jaw was all off to the side, I looked retarded.

Fucking hilarious, abe

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Why not just... close the door? Jacked off a thousand times with a girl I'm living with, never caught once.

It's generally a "they're in the bedroom and I'm on the couch and they come down quietly even though they stomp around like a 400 lbs retard any other time" kind of thing.

 

[Turk February]

My wife isn't a fan of skin flicks, but neither am I really, so it's whatever. Outside of a laugh at the more ridiculous, most porn doesn't do shit for me. I can't get it out of my head that these porn whores just take buckets of jizz week after week. I'd rather crank it to a Sears catalogue like I'm 12 again. In fact, I think a pic of a girl in a small bikini is infinitely sexier than some girl spread so wide you can see her kidneys.

I gotta rotate. I go through phases.

 

[Slackjawed Cow]

It's generally a "they're in the bedroom and I'm on the couch and they come down quietly even though they stomp around like a 400 lbs retard any other time" kind of thing.

Pretty much. I dont even watch it as a replacement for sex. Its usually just as a sleep aid 90% of the time. She was mad I didnt wake her up and have sex with her for 30mins, get all sweaty and then both of us dont get much sleep before work. She just didnt understand I needed a quick 5min wank and Id been ready for bed.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Pretty much. I dont even watch it as a replacement for sex. Its usually just as a sleep aid 90% of the time. She was mad I didnt wake her up and have sex with her for 30mins, get all sweaty and then both of us dont get much sleep before work. She just didnt understand I needed a quick 5min wank and Id been ready for bed.

That was exactly it every time. If I was all horned up I'd have fucked them. I want to exert minimal energy, bust a load and fall asleep.

 

[Jims_Maroon_Pants]

Really? Because she gets mad at me for it.

Wacka wacka!

 

[JoeCumiawearsDIAPERS]

Pretty much. I dont even watch it as a replacement for sex. Its usually just as a sleep aid 90% of the time. She was mad I didnt wake her up and have sex with her for 30mins, get all sweaty and then both of us dont get much sleep before work. She just didnt understand I needed a quick 5min wank and Id been ready for bed.

And she’ll never understand because their whole purpose and identity is centered around sex. I’m constantly amazed at how awful it must be to have the mindset of a woman. I’d resent everything too.

 

[Dennyislife]

My wife isn't a fan of skin flicks, but neither am I really, so it's whatever. Outside of a laugh at the more ridiculous, most porn doesn't do shit for me. I can't get it out of my head that these porn whores just take buckets of jizz week after week. I'd rather crank it to a Sears catalogue like I'm 12 again. In fact, I think a pic of a girl in a small bikini is infinitely sexier than some girl spread so wide you can see her kidneys.

For me the second I notice the view counts I just think that millions of men have jizzed to this and I can't do it anymore.

Recently I have tried going back to just my imagination when I need to knock one out like when I started. It takes forever but I fucking cum a lot from it.

 

[Dark Dan Disciple]

Bookmark

 

[Torque’sHeadBump]

Why not just... close the door? Jacked off a thousand times with a girl I'm living with, never caught once.

For real. Go in the crapper and rub one out while she’s sleeping

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

Every woman I've lived with has caught me jacking off, which pisses them off 100% of the time. My one ex showed me a video she took of me furiously beating off in my sleep one time. It was insanely embarrassing. She thought it was hilarious. I'll never forget how stupid my face looked. My jaw was all off to the side, I looked retarded.

Sometimes I catch my face in the reflection of the monitor when I turn it off after jacking. I'm way too ugly to be doing this.

 

[Former Prez Gerald Ford]

My wife doesn’t care if I watch porn but I don’t do it. Instead what I do when I’m horny and she’s asleep is stealthily pull her panties off and slide my hard dick up and down the crack of her ass since she always sleeps on her stomach. I have achieved many gratifying orgasms this way and she’s only ever woken up maybe once or twice since she’s a deep sleeper. Would that be considered rape? Ya know it’s a tough one man. Genuinely. On the one hand she didn’t actually say yes. On the other hand she didn’t say no either since she was asleep. So that’s a victimless crime as far as I’m concerned.

 

[TheNanaDook]

my girl was like 6 years older than me, its mental illness, not age

>mental illness
Well, yes, it's a woman.