Funniest/smartest joke you made

[Joe_Cumia_Eats_HUMAN_SHIT]

Me and my CHICK went to a park for a little bit. It was getting late so we walked back to the car. As we pass a pack of coloreds, some guy says some strange shit like "Hey don't shoot me!" and then smiles. I just look at him confused but then he asks for a cigarette. I hand him one and he immediately asks for another. I just say ones enough/we gotta go and he starts acting like I'm some sort of asshole.

We get in the car and all I said was "How could anybody possibly dislike black people?" and she starts bawling for maybe 30 minutes. We're back at my apartment at that point and she can't even really explain what's wrong, so I kick her out and drop her like a bag of dirt. 2 months down the shitter and I actually do feel bad about that one

doesn't really fit the thread but fuck you nigger

 

[guest]

Me and my CHICK went to a park for a little bit. It was getting late so we walked back to the car. As we pass a pack of coloreds, some guy says some strange shit like "Hey don't shoot me!" and then smiles. I just look at him confused but then he asks for a cigarette. I hand him one and he immediately asks for another. I just say ones enough/we gotta go and he starts acting like I'm some sort of asshole.

We get in the car and all I said was "How could anybody possibly dislike black people?" and she starts bawling for maybe 30 minutes. We're back at my apartment at that point and she can't even really explain what's wrong, so I kick her out and drop her like a bag of dirt. 2 months down the shitter and I actually do feel bad about that one

doesn't really fit the thread but fuck you nigger

What the fuck is it with women and their over-sensitivity about racism?

I remember we were having lunch with our extended family, and my brother's girlfriend who I thought was actually sort of cool was with us. The topic of niggers came up and everyone was in agreement that they committed more crime. Brother's girlfriend was like, "uhhh no they don't" and everyone was like "Look, they do lol. It's not racist to admit the truth" etc. Nobody was even being overly racist, just stating that black people commit more crime. (Even leftwingers admit that; they just blame it on white people)

Anyway, she started tearing up and left the table. Fucking insane.

 

[RobertMewler]

Not in the traditional joke format but im always making spot on, hilarious references from mid tier movies/tv shows from the 60s-80s around my millenial /zoomer peers that usually fall flat because i listened to a stupid radio show for 5+ years everyday as a teen that formed most of my personality

Yeah, I'm basically just throwing out lines to amuse myself these days since no one ever has a clue what reference I'm making.

 

[ThePepsiColaRapist]

I was with family a few years ago and we drove by this really shitty house. You could tell that it had been added onto like 5 times over 50 years, it was just a mess. I said, "Jesus, who designed that house, Frank Lloyd Wrong?"

crickets.

Also, I've actually stepped on a rake causing it to smack me in the face twice in my life. I once slipped on a banana peel and went down like a bag of hammers. No one witnessed these glorious moments and that makes me sad.

 

[AntSucks]

What the fuck is it with women and their over-sensitivity about racism?

It's social status rather than racism they care about. They all want to be a princess and there are not many princesses talking about FBI crime statistics (except Tranthony).

 

[Guyincognito]

Not in the traditional joke format but im always making spot on, hilarious references from mid tier movies/tv shows from the 60s-80s around my millenial /zoomer peers that usually fall flat because i listened to a stupid radio show for 5+ years everyday as a teen that formed most of my personality

…death? What y’all know bout death

What, do you have lifeless eyes, dead eyes, like a doll’s eyes?

 

[Guyincognito]

I was with family a few years ago and we drove by this really shitty house. You could tell that it had been added onto like 5 times over 50 years, it was just a mess. I said, "Jesus, who designed that house, Frank Lloyd Wrong?"

crickets.

Also, I've actually stepped on a rake causing it to smack me in the face twice in my life. I once slipped on a banana peel and went down like a bag of hammers. No one witnessed these glorious moments and that makes me sad.

Yo. Frank Lloyd Wrong is an amazing joke. I’m actually going to use that and cite you if that’s ok

 

[ThePepsiColaRapist]

Yo. Frank Lloyd Wrong is an amazing joke. I’m actually going to use that and cite you if that’s ok

Use it all you want, hopefully it will go over better for you than it did with my shitty family.
To make matters even worse, I started to explain to them why the joke is so damn witty and hilarious, everyone was just all, "We know who Frank Lloyd Wright is..."

 

[Guyincognito]

Use it all you want, hopefully it will go over better for you than it did with my shitty family.
To make matters even worse, I started to explain to them why the joke is so damn witty and hilarious, everyone was just all, "We know who Frank Lloyd Wright is..."

Dude. That’s literally the worst, having to explain a joke. W my same family, when my lady and I were first dating, her mother and I were watching Bones (crappy show, just trying to get brownie points) together. A detective was examining a cadaver found in the woods and said “bits of her heart are missing”. And I said, who did they find Janis Joplin?! Neither got the reference. To further my humiliation, neither heard the song by big brother and the holding company after I sang a few bars. It was rough

 

[guest]

Once I called a political firebrand fat on the internet. Told my folks and got high fives for days.

 

[Handsome_Pat]

I asked a black man if he was in fact black. He said he was Irish. I said “what are you a lepracoon.” Then a morbidly obese , gothic teenager started laughing so hard I could hear his chain wallet ringing.

 

[guest]

Ok civilians step back. One time a guy came into a comedy club I was in,his shirt didn’t look great. I said “nice shirt stupid.”

The place erupted with laughs and my HBO special came out a month later. True story.

Reminds me of the time a comedian walked into the room wearing a dark green velvet jacket. Boy did we let him have it. "Why don't you get on your hands and knees so we can play cards on your back, dummy" someone quipped. "Hey," I said, "leave short-stay motel curtains alone."

 

[guest]

I asked a black man if he was in fact black. He said he was Irish. I said “what are you a lepracoon.” Then a morbidly obese , gothic teenager started laughing so hard I could hear his chain wallet ringing.

Funniest in the thread so far

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

One time I was talking to some dumb bitch on Tinder and she told me she was going to order Chinese food. I asked her what she was going to get, and she said "something with rice". I said "that's racist"

 

[guest]

Me and my CHICK went to a park for a little bit. It was getting late so we walked back to the car. As we pass a pack of coloreds, some guy says some strange shit like "Hey don't shoot me!" and then smiles. I just look at him confused but then he asks for a cigarette. I hand him one and he immediately asks for another. I just say ones enough/we gotta go and he starts acting like I'm some sort of asshole.

We get in the car and all I said was "How could anybody possibly dislike black people?" and she starts bawling for maybe 30 minutes. We're back at my apartment at that point and she can't even really explain what's wrong, so I kick her out and drop her like a bag of dirt. 2 months down the shitter and I actually do feel bad about that one

doesn't really fit the thread but fuck you nigger

It sounds like you broke her brain. She probably felt threatened before surrounded by the pack and agreed with you on a subconscious level but couldn't override the social conditioning she's swallowed without question over the years. The result was, being a cunt, that she burst into tears. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

 

[RoTheHo69]

Ok civilians step back. One time a guy came into a comedy club I was in,his shirt didn’t look great. I said “nice shirt stupid.”

The place erupted with laughs and my HBO special came out a month later. True story.

Best post on this thread.