Funniest/smartest joke you made

[Guyincognito]

This is embarrassing/is due to me being hammered. But I made a very clever joke and I want validation.

On thanksgiving part 3, after a ton of food, our family is watching pink panther shorts after dinner. In one episode, a beaver was eating a wood colored steak cut from a tree and i said “he’s eating a tree bone steak!” And I got a few polite chuckles. I feel like my joke got way less than it deserved.

In other words, my joke was much less offensive to relations than Rick’s politics.

 

[Kim_Jong_Poon_]

More look a plank steak if you ask me

 

[Guyincognito]

More look a plank steak if you ask me

Touché. You might be a better fit w my family than I

 

[Easily_Remembered]

One time when I worked at a supermarket, we were in the break room when a known thot was pouring herself some coffee, and she said, "This coffee is so BLACK!"

So I said, "Not the only black thing going in your mouth tonight, huh?".

The following silence was tense as fuck, and while I worried for the next day or so about getting fired, I knew that I at least had a hell of a story to go with it.

 

[guest]

Not a joke but a quip. Someone was accusing my brother of being racist, and I retorted, "Oh! So so so so so so SPEECH makes you a white supremacist!"

Got him.

 

[bombvest]

 

[Guyincognito]

One time when I worked at a supermarket, we were in the break room when a known thot was pouring herself some coffee, and she said, "This coffee is so BLACK!"

So I said, "Not the only black thing going in your mouth tonight, huh?".

The following silence was tense as fuck, and while I worried for the next day or so about getting fired, I knew that I at least had a hell of a story to go with it.

Hell yeah. At least, if you got fired, you’d be known for being hilarious. That’s a solid joke.

 

[Cuphead]

Funnier than any joke Patrick has ever made

 

[Kim_Jong_Poon_]

One time when I worked at a supermarket, we were in the break room when a known thot was pouring herself some coffee, and she said, "This coffee is so BLACK!"

So I said, "Not the only black thing going in your mouth tonight, huh?".

The following silence was tense as fuck, and while I worried for the next day or so about getting fired, I knew that I at least had a hell of a story to go with it.

I had a teacher that was an obvious homo, but wasn't really out. Anyway, one day some weird kid was staring out the window during the lesson and some other kid started busting his balls, and said something like "hey Dave, you gonna kiss your reflection?" And the teacher said, "yeah, he can do that at my house some time." Everyone heard it, but after 3 seconds of silence, I just said "WHAT???" And everyone just continued on like nothing happened. Really fawkin awkward

 

[FranksWirecutters]

Not a joke but a quip. Someone was accusing my brother of being racist, and I retorted, "Oh! So so so so so so SPEECH makes you a white supremacist!"

Got him.

How many sharpies did he have up his ass that night?

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

This one time, I sued the internet and spent $150K.

 

[SoloJoeAcousticShow]

@Guyincognito that was a solid pun and your family are faggots for not laughing appropriately.

I once tried and failed to fuck a mentally unstable chick for a while and when we went out to a bar with some mutual friends, she supposedly lost her phone in the bus, and was rummaging through her purse while bitching about it.

I was drunk and blueballed so I decided to tell her "must've lost it in your mom last night".
I don't even know what that means, but it's hilarious.

Actually the funny part was her immediately losing her shit, rage-smashing me in the face a couple of times in front of like 30 passengers crying "you don't say that shit about my mom" before her gorilla brother subdued her.

It was emasculating as fuck but I still respect her for it because I think she went all in with the bit.

 

[guest]

When I was like 12 I went to a high school basketball game and wore these bath slippers because I didn't really care. Some older kid walked past me and said "Nice slippers." I said "Nice face." Showed him. Got a big laugh out of my friend. Thats all I got.

 

[Guyincognito]

When I was like 12 I went to a high school basketball game and wore these bath slippers because I didn't really care. Some older kid walked past me and said "Nice slippers." I said "Nice face." Showed him. Got a big laugh out of my friend. Thats all I got.

Your joke was better than “nice face” for sure. Fuck those queefs

 

[42069]

I used to teach chess on the weekend that was just Asian kids. My advanced class was all Chinese teens with one Indian boy who was six. One day a Chinese kid brought homemade candies to class and dropped them. The little Indian boy said “ha now you have no candy” the whole class erupted in laughter and that little kid was a god for a year

 

[guest]

There was this elephant walking in the jungle, it stepped on a thorn and screamed for help...
A Black ant came by and said "I'll help you, but you gotta let me fuck you in the ass"
Elephant lol'd to itself and said "yeah ok, sure"
...so the ant started climbing Elephant from behind and started thrusting hard, doggy style

suddenly a coconut fell on the elephant's head..."OW! the elephant screamed"

black ant, without missing a beat said: "am I hurting you, hoe?"

 

[satanssockpuppet]

A long time ago I had a really shitty job, and one day we had to wash the shitty truck we used at this shitty job. There was a Deadhead who worked there who was selling sugar cubes triple-dipped with acid and I'd eaten half of one that morning, so I was just sitting there smoking cigarettes and watching this guy wash the truck. He was a good guy, somewhat dimwitted though.

So I was crimping the hose and letting it go and he was getting all annoyed and confused. So I crimped it and this guy actually holds the nozzle up to his eye to see what's wrong, like in a cartoon. I let the hose go and total hilarity ensued.

 

[DeadWithoutMyDavid]

I was standing in line at a store holding my kid. When I got up to the register I asked the clerk, "How much for the baby?"

She said, "We don't sell babies here..." And we both had a good clean laugh. You know, humor anyone can enjoy, that's what I like.

 

[Username]

Ok civilians step back. One time a guy came into a comedy club I was in,his shirt didn’t look great. I said “nice shirt stupid.”

The place erupted with laughs and my HBO special came out a month later. True story.

 

[potatopeeler63]

Not in the traditional joke format but im always making spot on, hilarious references from mid tier movies/tv shows from the 60s-80s around my millenial /zoomer peers that usually fall flat because i listened to a stupid radio show for 5+ years everyday as a teen that formed most of my personality

…death? What y’all know bout death