XM Satellite Radio Presents: TheGhostOfAbeVigoda’s Original Story Time

[Dog Eater]

Featuring stories so good that telling them once or twice is not enough! Includes the following much loved classics:

Abe Vigoda’s Chair in: The Midget Upholsterer

I just got my taxes done by a midget.

Think Eric The Actor with a Gandalf beard. And he has these weird ass boots with like balls on the sole. I don’t know how to feel about this. Punchin’ out.

onaforums.net

When was the last time you saw a retard or midget in person?

I was eating at a diner in Rhode Island. I ordered an omelet. Only after that did I discover that a slobbering tard actually worked in the kitchen. I wanted to fucking throw up. If I had known before hand I would have ordered a coke and left. Fucking nauseating. @TheGhostOfAbeVigoda get in...

onaforums.net

I just got my taxes done by a midget.

Think Eric The Actor with a Gandalf beard. And he has these weird ass boots with like balls on the sole. I don’t know how to feel about this. Punchin’ out.

onaforums.net

Abe Vigoda and the Pharmacy Girlfriend

why do women assume you know everything about the lives of their friends and family?

Captain Bringdown over here I did a lot of thinking in the can. You dunno how crazy things get....ITS THE JAAAACCKKKKEEETTTTT.

onaforums.net

Women in an office will laugh to themselves in a desperate ploy to start a conversation

Usually while looking at something on their phone or computer. Women generally can't stand to see someone laughing without knowing what the person is laughing at, so their jealous dog brain assumes men are the same. When their little laughing game is rightfully ignored, the fawkin cunts will...

onaforums.net

Woman In An Office Simulator

You are a woman in an office with a fake job so productivity doesn't suffer too badly while you're away from your desk constantly. You've been asked a simple question about something relevant to work. YOU: *cackles to self* Sooooooooo..... *more cackling* no, it's funny *more cackling*...

onaforums.net

This "thing" cry's about having to work 8 hour days. HAHAHA

onaforums.net

Lost in Detroit! A Samuel & Abe Vigoda Road Trip

Are hoods in america even that bad?

buncha fruity 80 iq hood rats that are all DL with each other and think they're hard with chinese glocks I was in harlem the other day and walked all the way towards the end where the projects are past 140th and it wasn't bad at all. Just a bunch of spades giving you a stink eye. Stopped by...

onaforums.net

Worst city in the U.S?

To be honest I have little problem with being a tourist when going anywhere. The fact is I am a tourist, so why fight it? If I want to see a place like the locals do, I’ll move there. If the “authentic experience” mean escaping a slum alive, then I’ll just enjoy the manufactured experience. I...

onaforums.net

Pig and Stinky went to see The Cure last night

I remember NIN being boosted by that. All the chicks in HS used that movie as a goth trigger. I was Eric Draven like 3 years in a row for Halloween. Got laid every time.

onaforums.net

Worst places you’ve been?

Did you go to wegmans the one on Monroe is GOAT status ....however, the one on East Ave has amazing cookies

onaforums.net

The Corpse in the Cunt: An Abe Vigoda Halloween Special

I never actually smelled sex or vagina until this year

What the fuck

onaforums.net

People who make you feel sick just by looking at them

onaforums.net

worst one night stand?

shagging a fatty pig fatty on the bathroom floor, didn't even finish. this cunt was ugly with a capital U! lines are open folks

onaforums.net

"Hi, can you direct me to the writer's symposium, I want to see their guest Patrick S. Tomlinson."

onaforums.net

I work with a girl whose pussy smells horrible.

let her know that you have to confide something very private to her, and that you trust her more than other colleagues etc. tell her that you yourself have a vaginal odor problem, ask if she had noticed that on you, if she heard others talking about it and what might be the smart step to take.

onaforums.net

You ever been on a date with an ugly chick before?

I have some embarrassing stories, in college I did actually great, but the two that were a little rough was a fat chick that wanted double jack and the box order and an old lady that went to school I guess? But saw her kids on her night stand as I was eating her ass.

onaforums.net

Plus much much more! Order today and we’ll include an exclusive Abe Vigoda sex tape. *

Daily reminder that Patrick's plan to get revenge on Adrienne for leaving him was to become rich and famous

Yeah he’s had long enough. She beat him repeatedly and tried to stab him and he broke his hand because of her. He has no excuse.

onaforums.net

*Not actually included!

 

[Kinderman]

Bump. I hate zero reply threads.

 

[Stent]

 

[BUBBLER]

I commend your autism and I will read all of these threads

 

[Dog Eater]

I commend your autism and I will read all of these threads

You only need to read one from each category it’s the exact same story every time.

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

Men only have so many stories.

 

[soulbrotherman#1]

So when's he post the woodsy throat-fuck video?

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I hate you. I hate myself.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I robbed a train with the Russian mafia? Let me pop my shirt off...

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

So when's he post the woodsy throat-fuck video?

The bitch is a lawyer and if she ever found out about me posting revenge porn it would end my life. Also, I was just making a funny. It wasn't an actual promise. We didn't fucking shake hands or nothin.

 

[DMbA]

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I robbed a train with the Russian mafia? Let me pop my shirt off...

This should have been my story in the gay but funny things you did thread

 

[Dog Eater]

The bitch is a lawyer and if she ever found out about me posting revenge porn it would end my life. Also, I was just making a funny. It wasn't an actual promise. We didn't fucking shake hands or nothin.

BETRAYAL.

This pisses me off so much I’m not even going to do the bit where I bring up subjects to trap you into repeating stories again.

 

[Dog Eater]

shit smell on my fingers on the steering wheel.

The one I ran into wasn't even really fishy, it smelled like corpse and shit.

I kept smelling my fingers on the steering wheel.

I had a girlfriend who worked at a pharmacy and would come home crying like 70% of the time

He got us lost in Detroit

My parents had a chair upholstered by a midget when I was a little kid. He did a great job.

My parents had a chair upholstered by a midget when I was a little kid.

my dad got us lost in the worst ghetto I've ever seen in Detroit.

and it made my hand fucking stink so bad I couldn't wash it off no matter what I did.

my dad got us lost in the scariest part of Detroit

If my dad ever needs something upholstered, his guy is a midget.

My one ex used to work at a pharmacy

my girlfriend bitched about her stupid pharmacy job

I could still smell it on my hand on the steering wheel

When I got home my girlfriend, who counted pills in a pharmacy,

I could smell my fingers on the steering wheel on the way home

Detroit by a lot. My dad got us lost in a post apocalyptic wasteland

Trying multi quote. Looks like you have to manually order them.

 

[Sgt Zogbot Delta Operator]

Abe is the Joey Diaz of rural Canada.