Where we at with school retard stories?

[ElectricLightKazooII]

The school bus convo got me thinking. I know y'all have some good school stories of "those kids" that went to sped classes and made a scene. Here's one from me.

Freshman or sophomore year there was one kid that was on the borderline for regular and tard classes. He had a receding hairline, a huge zit-filled fivehead, and the blankest stare imaginable. He was usually pretty quiet and honestly a nice enough kid. Sometimes he'd act out but nothing really earth-shattering. One day, he was having a bad day I guess and got sent to the principal's office. At some point he must not have liked what the principal was telling him (or he was being molested, as many of us felt the principal was a creep) and he got real mad. During class change, with the hallways filled with kids, we all of a sudden see the wireglass window of the principal's office shatter and the kid leap out of the window, runs down the hall, and leaves the school. We never saw him again.

There was another kid that was probably more autistic than retarded and he'd always fill his cowboy boots with sand on the playground and would walk in them the rest of the day. There was also a pretty legitimately water-headed girl that freaked the fuck out when we did one of those fake drunk driving car crashes in the parking lot.

 

[BillyCorgan'sFallenTree]

Freshman year science class I had a girl with down syndrome in it. What was she doing in normal classes and not the special ed classes? Her mother was a pain in the ass for the school system. So there were three adults in the room; the science teacher for the class, the teacher for her, and her aide. Out of nowhere her teacher shouts "THAT COMPLETELY INNAPROPRIATE!" Obviously the class grinds to a halt and everyone wants to know what's going on. The class starts prodding and the special teacher is not going to talk. Mr. Barone is the teacher for the class, he's 65 and just the worst combination of Sicilian and Arabic features you could imagine. He looked like a dirty rat. He's interested so he tells the special teacher to just say it. I don't remember if it was the girl or the teacher who said it in front of the class, but this is what was said.

"I don't want to work with you, I want to work with Mr. Barone because he's sexy."

Every single person in class burst out laughing, many were in tears. It took him a good 30 seconds to a minute until enough people had stopped laughing for him to tell her to pack up and go to the principal. She leaves, and an awkward silence comes over the class. This is when one guy says, "Mr. Barone you old dog. You still got it." Class erupts again.


Same retard but unrelated to the story. My friend would talk to her aide and she liked him because it was the only friendly human interaction she had for the class. This woman kept a notebook and one day let him read what she was writing in it. It was a log of all times the down syndrome girl threatened to kill her. Every 3 minutes she would threaten to kill this women in a new way, from stabbing her in the neck to running her over with a Cadillac. She once threw a full bottle of gatorade at someone walking across the front of the room. I've spent most of my life trying not to goof on retarded people because it's wrong. She was so nasty and vicious I have never felt bad laughing at her.

 

[Uncle Floyd]

The only retard I knew was one of those functioning ones like Martha Plimpton plays in movies. I didn't like him but after he got a "Nintembo," I started hanging out with him.

 

[JoeCumiaDotCom]

Freshman year science class I had a girl with down syndrome in it. What was she doing in normal classes and not the special ed classes? Her mother was a pain in the ass for the school system. So there were three adults in the room; the science teacher for the class, the teacher for her, and her aide. Out of nowhere her teacher shouts "THAT COMPLETELY INNAPROPRIATE!" Obviously the class grinds to a halt and everyone wants to know what's going on. The class starts prodding and the special teacher is not going to talk. Mr. Barone is the teacher for the class, he's 65 and just the worst combination of Sicilian and Arabic features you could imagine. He looked like a dirty rat. He's interested so he tells the special teacher to just say it. I don't remember if it was the girl or the teacher who said it in front of the class, but this is what was said.

"I don't want to work with you, I want to work with Mr. Barone because he's sexy."

Every single person in class burst out laughing, many were in tears. It took him a good 30 seconds to a minute until enough people had stopped laughing for him to tell her to pack up and go to the principal. She leaves, and an awkward silence comes over the class. This is when one guy says, "Mr. Barone you old dog. You still got it." Class erupts again.

Did Mr. Barone look similar to @TheGhostOfAbeVigoda ?

 

[ElectricLightKazooII]

...running her over with a Cadillac.

"Can you believe it? Here I was, I could barely look over the steering wheel and I'm out here running people over with Cadillacs!"

 

[Snake]

There was this one White dude who was mentally unstable and smelled like armpits all the time. He got left back in senior year so many times they eventually just pushed him through. He got into a fist fight with a substitute teacher.

Last I heard he broke into a girl's house and raped her while she was sleeping.

 

[ElectricLightKazooII]

There was this one White dude who was mentally unstable and smelled like armpits all the time. He got left back in senior year so many times they eventually just pushed him through. He got into a fist fight with a substitute teacher.

Last I heard he broke into a girl's house and raped her while she was sleeping.

Oh fuck, we had a kid like that who pretty much aged-out of high school instead of graduating lol. Eddie. Short and funny little fucker but so, so dumb.

 

[FrogmanKurlan]

We had a guy on our football team that was kinda retarded. He was born in Mexico and he spoke decent English but at least a quarter of everything he said was in Spanish.
Well one of the teams we played against had a legit retard on their team and they wanted to let him score a touchdown. We were beating them like 50-0 so we didn’t have a problem with it. Our retard played DLine and was in the game at the time. Well I guess he didn’t get the word because they let the kid run the ball through the line and past the linebackers and he gets around 5 yards before our tard chased him down and tackled his ass.

 

[BillyCorgan'sFallenTree]

Did Mr. Barone look similar to @TheGhostOfAbeVigoda ?

No, and despite being related to Cumias he didn't look like them either. He kind of looked like a generic street shitter but with those Arab/Sicilian features. If anyone pops into my head that looks similar I'll post it.

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

In High School the special class had different time schedule, you would be sitting in class and they would come walking down the hall in a row like ducks, their teachers name was Miss Hoagland so we called her kids "Hoaglands Heroes"

 

[EraGodless]

There was this one White dude who was mentally unstable and smelled like armpits all the time. He got left back in senior year so many times they eventually just pushed him through. He got into a fist fight with a substitute teacher.

Last I heard he broke into a girl's house and raped her while she was sleeping.

The worst part is the hypocrisy.

 

[satanssockpuppet]

In fifth grade, kickball was the big thing. We had outside recess on a big asphalt lot behind our three story school building. There was a kickball diamond painted on the pavement and everyone's goal was to hit the building as high up as possible, with getting the ball on the roof being the dream. It was like a stupid school myth, supposedly some kid did it the year before and etc. but none of us had ever actually seen it happen.

There was this kid in our class named Harold, who was way bigger and older looking than everyone else. He was kind of a bully asshole too. One day we're playing and this Harold guy really laid into one and hit the light fixture on the very top corner of the building. Everyone was oooohing and ahhhing and he was strutting around like king shit.

There was another kid named Noodles, he was obviously "slow", really dimwitted and he always smelled like pee, but everyone tolerated him because it was really easy to make him laugh and he was good at sports. Kid was dumb as shit but he could run like the wind and had a cannon for an arm. So recess was drawing to a close and Harold was pitching. Noodles was the last "batter" of the day. So this Harold asshole rolls a nice bouncy one in and Noodles just fucking hauls off on it. We all watched as it just soared upward, hung there for a second, then disappeared on to the roof. Everyone went totally apeshit, mobbing him and screaming "NOODLES, NOODLES". We picked the fucker up and carried him around and let me tell you, that little retard was just beaming. It was probably the greatest moment of his entire life.

 

[HatRemovalService]

this kid wasn’t exactly retarded in the conventional sense but he did do something unthinkable to any reasonably normal person, but in elementary they were doing some remodeling of the school so our classroom was split in half to share with another teacher and her kids, anyway around summer we were getting ready to wrap up the year and our teacher was cool, letting us chill and just do whatever for the final day before summer break. There was an Armenian broad that taught the kids on the other side and she was a ball busting cunt, I heard this oddball Asian kid who nobody liked ask for permission to use the bathroom and she quickly said no as she was passing out summer school pamphlets, about 15 minutes later I hear her loudly sniffing and said something like “what smells like fish?” As she began circling around the Asian kids desk where she reached in that storage part under the table top and pulled out the previously mentioned pamphlet which was balled up, she revealed a pile of shit the kid took shortly after being denied permission in the pamphlet and everybody was pretty stunned, she looked over at my teacher and said something like “I’ve never dealt with anything like this” needless to say we didn’t see him no more.

 

[ElectricLightKazooII]

In fifth grade, kickball was the big thing. We had outside recess on a big asphalt lot behind our three story school building. There was a kickball diamond painted on the pavement and everyone's goal was to hit the building as high up as possible, with getting the ball on the roof being the dream. It was like a stupid school myth, supposedly some kid did it the year before and etc. but none of us had ever actually seen it happen.

There was this kid in our class named Harold, who was way bigger and older looking than everyone else. He was kind of a bully asshole too. One day we're playing and this Harold guy really laid into one and hit the light fixture on the very top corner of the building. Everyone was oooohing and ahhhing and he was strutting around like king shit.

There was another kid named Noodles, he was obviously "slow", really dimwitted and he always smelled like pee, but everyone tolerated him because it was really easy to make him laugh and he was good at sports. Kid was dumb as shit but he could run like the wind and had a cannon for an arm. So recess was drawing to a close and Harold was pitching. Noodles was the last "batter" of the day. So this Harold asshole rolls a nice bouncy one in and Noodles just fucking hauls off on it. We all watched as it just soared upward, hung there for a second, then disappeared on to the roof. Everyone went totally apeshit, mobbing him and screaming "NOODLES, NOODLES". We picked the fucker up and carried him around and let me tell you, that little retard was just beaming. It was probably the greatest moment of his entire life.

Not even a World Series would ever compare, holy shit.

 

[NortheastPhilly]

There was a kid with full blown aspergers in my high school that we fucked with constantly. At first glance it would seem really fucked up, but he loved it because it made him feel like he had friends. At lunch he would ask to sit with us, and we would say only if you slam your head on the table. And he would slam his head hard as fuck, it was hysterical. And then we still wouldnt let him sit there. He thought it was ok because thats just what “friends” do to each other.

I have too many stories to even mention over all those years. We convinced him that we had a “weed marker” that got you high if you sniffed it (way before that would be remotely believable), and we had him sniff a regular marker, just once and he acted high for like a whole hour off some retard placebo effect.

Some of my fondest high school memories are fucking with that kid

 

[Meownaw]

There was an Indian kid that I used to call PIT (Piece of Indian Trash) in middle school. Not sure if he was retarded though.