• Reminder: Do not call, text, or mention harrassing someone in real life. Do not encourage it. Do not talk about killing or using violence against anyone, or engaging in any criminal behavior. If it is not an obvious joke even when taken out of context, don't post it. Please report violators. If you want your account deleted, send a private message to @BlackTransLivesMatter

    DMCA, complaints, and other inquiries:

    [email protected]

TIFU by trying to practice good hygiene to end up circumcising myself

Patrick O'Neal

Forum Clout
36,322
TLDR: Cleaning myself in the shower got paraphimosis which resulted in bloodflow restriction causing my foreskin getting necrotic and sloughing off and making myself from uncut to cut.

So this happened 2 weeks ago when i was showering on Sunday night to get ready for work. For background context I knew I had a mild issue of phimosis where my foreskin wouldn't fully retract during masturbation or sex and would sometimes be uncomfortable. In fact I was going to schedule an appointment to a urologist to hopefully get some medication to try and fix the problem but my GP said to try using lubricant first before she was going to make a referral.

I digress...So my usual Sunday evening post yard work, workout, excursions, etc comes with an evening shower. I also like to play with myself which means as an (former) uncut man includes cleaning my little soldier so that there is no smegma which as anyone who's familiar with it knows, smells and is gross. This process I do almost every time I take a shower and never in the past had issues retracting when flacid. Unfortunately this time, for reasons only a teen would know, I got an erection in the middle of the process. It took me a second of trying to fix it before I began to panic...Then when trying to fix it myself I ended up tearing my frenulum (this detail is important later). Panicking, and in immense pain I was frantically Googling what to do. The first result said it was a medical emergency so I quickly drove to my nearest ER. After getting checked in and getting a fast track to a bed the ER doc came in ready to perform surgery to repair my torn frenulum. At this point my giblets were staring to swell and everything hurt. After taking a look at everything he said the tear wasn't actually that bad and the swelling would go down if I put sugar on it this actually is a studied treatment. It also works for hemorrhoids apparently. So I asked him if this is an emergency, he said no, you should be fine but get to a urologist in the next 3-5 days, gave me some antibiotics and scrip for pain meds. The next day I tried calling the urologist that was listed on the referral but they wouldn't see me until June 19 (again this was 2 weeks ago). In the meantime I tried the sugar technique, it didn't work. Anyway I got on the waiting list and decided to call another hospital nearby who said they couldn't see me without a referral and even then that wouldn't be until July. OK I told myself, I need to call and get an appointment with my GP, see them, get a referral, and then maybe they can see me in the next few days as per the ER doc. So I was able to get an appointment with another doc in my GP's group that Wednesday afternoon. I did a bit a research on my own and came to the conclusion that I would probably get a slit cut which would allow whomever is working on me to put things back in the correct place. At worst a partial circumcision which I prepared myself for. After the new doc came in he gave me that bad news, they aren't able to perform these kind of procedures due to lack of instruments as well as risk of infection. Great. Then he asks me to drop trow to see what was going on. He was immediately concerned and said I have 24 hours to get this fixed before there is irreparable damage. My glans were swollen to almost an inch all the way around the head of my penis for reference. This doc immediately called the urology department of the hospital to get someone to see me. They refused, giving him the same answer they gave me. He. Was. Pissed... At this point he said I need to go to the ER and get looked at by the on call urologist because one way or another he was going to see me. He got me fast tracked to the ER so I only had to wait an hour to get a bed. The new ER doc saw me and was immediately concerned, took photos to send to the on call urologist and pumped me full of fent (25 micrograms). He and another higher level doc tried to manually pull my swollen dick and even with that IT. FUCKING. HURT. After 20 minutes I get moved to another room used for critical surgery because it was the only one available at the time to wait for the urologist on call to show up. Of course the room they don't have the control to call a nurse if there is a problem. In the meantime my pain meds start to stop working, because while it is nearly instantaneous in IV it only works for ~30 minutes. So as the meds start to wear off, the nurse who is supposed to be helping me leaves her station (I assume because she has another patient to help) and I'm starting to feel like shit. After what I think is 10-15 minutes she finally hears me calling for her help which then takes another 10 minutes to get the next round of pain meds because it's a controlled substance and locked until approval is granted. Another 30 minutes goes by and the urologist finally arrives and takes a look and I can tell by his reaction that it isn't good. The next 45-60 minutes includes getting pricked in the crotch by needles to numb the area, another round of fent, expressing the edema, cutting, and sewing. Also the iodine used to sterilize the area felt like someone poured a bottle of hand sanitizer on my dick and lit it on fire. At the end of it all i was given pain meds and a topical antibiotic to put over the open wounds. The doc told me that I was going to have to have a follow-up procedure and most likely be circumcised but he was trying to save my foreskin if possible. Fast forward 10 days of exposed dick, open wounds, and generally being uncomfortable I had my follow-up Friday. He sees me and immediately asks if he can call another urologist for a consult. I agree because fuck it, cant be any worse than what has already happened right? Turns out the foreskin was so tight it blocked the bloodflow causing the skin to become necrotic and sloughed off by the time of the original surgery. I just thought it was all being sutured to try to keep everything together if possible but nope it cut everything off at the head.

So now I have another check-up in 4 weeks. I still have a small edema below my glans but is slowly going down. Scabs are forming but keep reopening because as any healthy man, or woman who sleeps with their male SO knows, random erections in the middle of the night cause it to split. Yay....

To those who are uncut but fear they have phimosis, learn from me please. Get that shit checked out immediately.
 

DiarrheaDick

She's takin' a shit right into a glass!
Forum Clout
9,608
Did you have piss balloons like 'ol Sammy bran muffins before this whole debacle?
 
Top