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The good people of SC should be informed a convicted woman beater, racist, drunk pedophile is moving into the area.
- Thread starter NoBacon
- Start date
Sky writing the local area when he moves in. Dropping leaflets like it's WW2.
a convicted woman beater, racist, drunk pedophile
you mean a South Carolinian?
A sharp rap at his McMasion's front door snapped Andy from his stuporous alcoholic haze. Startled, he reflexively cowered, hugging himself in an almost fetal-like manner. "What the fuck? Who the fuck is banging on my door at this hour? Oh my fucking God, I bet it's a nigger! My gun! Where the fuck is my gun?" he panickly muttered.
The knocking continued. Sweat beaded on Andy's cratered brow. "OK OK JUST ONE MINUTE" he anxiously lisped. What if it really WAS a nigger? Andy had read about these schemes before. One of them gets you to open the door, and then they swarm in and loot the place. Andy had fantasized about this very scenario, over and over again, but his gun was upstairs, far out of reach. Terrified, and not knowing what else to do, he mined toward the door. Peering through the peephole, he saw a white fella, short hair, respectable looking. Andy undid the chain and opened the door.
"Umm, uh...yeah, can I help you?"
"Yeah, my name's Jeb McFlinty and I own the property down the road. Lived here for four generations, I have."
"Uh, Andy, Andy Espresso. You may have heard of me, I'm something of a radio star and culture warrior."
"Can't say that I have" Jeb said disdainfully, "but what I have heard is you screaming obscenities all night and taking the Lord's name in vain. Now what a man does on his property is his goddamned business, but I got a family here and I don't want them hearing "CUNT", "NIGGER" and "BUNG ROT" blowin' through their windows at 2 in the morning. So knock it the fuck off, Espresso, or we're gonna have a problem...a big one."
"Oh, uh, I thought, uh..." Andy nervously squealed, "like, um, OK, sure thing, yes, OK, no problem."
Andy closed the door and quickly latched the chain. Andy skulked back to the sofa, and collapsed in shame and disappointment. "You can't even scream "NIGGER" here?" he pondered, as the reality of his situation became clear to him. "It's the whole reason I'm here! Fuck! I wonder if I can get more than I paid for this dump?".
The knocking continued. Sweat beaded on Andy's cratered brow. "OK OK JUST ONE MINUTE" he anxiously lisped. What if it really WAS a nigger? Andy had read about these schemes before. One of them gets you to open the door, and then they swarm in and loot the place. Andy had fantasized about this very scenario, over and over again, but his gun was upstairs, far out of reach. Terrified, and not knowing what else to do, he mined toward the door. Peering through the peephole, he saw a white fella, short hair, respectable looking. Andy undid the chain and opened the door.
"Umm, uh...yeah, can I help you?"
"Yeah, my name's Jeb McFlinty and I own the property down the road. Lived here for four generations, I have."
"Uh, Andy, Andy Espresso. You may have heard of me, I'm something of a radio star and culture warrior."
"Can't say that I have" Jeb said disdainfully, "but what I have heard is you screaming obscenities all night and taking the Lord's name in vain. Now what a man does on his property is his goddamned business, but I got a family here and I don't want them hearing "CUNT", "NIGGER" and "BUNG ROT" blowin' through their windows at 2 in the morning. So knock it the fuck off, Espresso, or we're gonna have a problem...a big one."
"Oh, uh, I thought, uh..." Andy nervously squealed, "like, um, OK, sure thing, yes, OK, no problem."
Andy closed the door and quickly latched the chain. Andy skulked back to the sofa, and collapsed in shame and disappointment. "You can't even scream "NIGGER" here?" he pondered, as the reality of his situation became clear to him. "It's the whole reason I'm here! Fuck! I wonder if I can get more than I paid for this dump?".
Brilliant as usual, but I got jolted back to reality when I read this in Todd Pettengill's voice.