Someone shit their pants at work yesterday in a way I've never seen before

[AntSucks]

The toilets are upstairs from his work area. Why he waited so long I have no idea. It wasn't diarrhea. It was just regular solid shit.

He made it as far as the door, and then the shit ran down his leg, and out his pants.

There was shit along the corridor as far as the stairs

Miraculously there was no shit on the stairs, or in the elevator.

However, a second volley of shit came out at the top of the stairs and there were lumps of shit all the way to the toilet door

The cubicle itself was covered in shit, but the toilet bowl itself was clean. He was all out.

The cleaning lady, a nice Indian woman with a dot on her forehead was furious. The boss bought her flowers and vouchers as a thank you. It was the most horrific thing I've ever witnessed since 9/11.

 

[1073waaf]

Did it bounce off the ground?

 

[chocolatehellhole]

Did he return back to his cubicle like nothing happened? Quit immediately? Do you work with Chef Adam Libby?

 

[Hoolies]

Fuckin' anxiety riddled freak thought he could wait out the shits until he gets home, but God had other plans.

 

[DeadWithoutMyDavid]

The guy didn't have the decency to clean up his own shit?

 

[chocolatehellhole]

Artist recreation

 

[captain_kamala]

Artist recreation View attachment 107333

Looks like insight software hq

 

[AntSucks]

Artist recreation View attachment 107333

Basically what it looked like but some bits were squashed because it seems like he might have been bent over at one point trying to hold it in, then stepped in his own shit when he realized he couldn't. I was like McNulty and Bunk in the Wire trying to piece together the crime.

 

[AntSucks]

Did he return back to his cubicle like nothing happened? Quit immediately? Do you work with Chef Adam Libby?

No he went home in shame and is out "sick" for the week. If it was me I'd emigrate.

 

[guest]

No he went home in shame and is out "sick" for the week. If it was me I'd emigrate.

Is there any honorable next move he can do other than shooting up the place? There’s no coming back from this.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

That dude needs to move across the country, change his name and start a completely new life. How old is this moron?

 

[guest]

He should have alpha'd everyone by coming in the next day and staring them hard in the eye.

 

[Udders]

Coulda been Tim Sabean.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

He should have alpha'd everyone by coming in the next day and staring them hard in the eye.

Outside of the witness protection program route, that's really the only move. Become the man who shits wherever he wants, whenever he wants. Even mid-stride like a horse. Make them respect you for it.

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

Thank you so much for this. The fear and panic and shame in those moments. I'm crying laughing. Thank you.

 

[Libby Son Of Loin]

They need to burn down that entire Panera franchise.

 

[Mick_Mickerson]

*colombo impression* so you're tellin' me it didn't just stay caught in the underwear like a full diaper?

HA HA HOLE EE SHIT COLOMBO HA HA

 

[Dougie's Hapa Daughter]

Protip: If you ever do something even close to this level of embarrassing, pretend to stumble around, then fall down and pretend to be unconscious until they take you away on an ambulance. Then the embarrassing part will be overshadowed and ignored.

 

[handsomeblue]

"Sir, a second volley of shit came out at the top of the stairs and there were lumps of shit all the way to the toilet door"

 

[HR@PaneraBread]

They need to burn down that entire Panera franchise.

Maybe let Flavia have a shot at cleaning it first there, skipper. It's not like the police killed someone.