Respect Susan's authority!

[CanISitOnJonsLap]

It's been a minute since we read passages from Patrick's well-reviewed novel In the Black. Today we examine the character Captain Susan Kamala, protagonist and Patrick-insert of the book. Specifically, we're searching the novel for any mention of the word authority as it relates to a scene Susan is in.

The first time it's mentioned is during a tense confrontation between Honshu (the ranking civilian official) and Susan (the ranking military officer). While most meetings among high-ranking diplomats would be polite and respectful, Susan instead acts like a sassy, bitchy teenager.

 

[CanISitOnJonsLap]

How does this harrowing battle between Honshu and Susan end? With Susan referring to herself as a cranky Old Testament God and commanding Honshu to leave her ship when Susan orders it. Of course, Susan ends the exchange by getting in one last dig that she totally doesn't care at all about getting reported.

 

[CanISitOnJonsLap]

Bit of backstory here: Susan has just ordered the ship to cross some boundary line that she's not supposed to cross because it's a declaration of war or whatever. In doing so, risking the lives and safety of everyone aboard. Nesbit, a "suit" disagrees with this decision and gets physically assaulted for daring to question Susan. He immediately placates like a beta and gets placed under house arrest.

 

[DanMullen'sRetardedNephew]

His 'prose' is just snarky insults piled on top of one another. It's also hard to work out who is talking in a couple of places as he doesn't label dialog correctly and all his characters are clones of each other.

He should really kill himself.

 

[CanISitOnJonsLap]

Susan comes aboard the alien vessel to speak with the alien captain... I mean "derstu". We have all the trademarks of a Patrick scene: misunderstanding because advanced alien technology has no translation for "touche". Susan having "meaty, horizontal lips". But most importantly, the alien derstu being so awestruck at Susan's absolute power and authority among the crew.

 

[guest]

His 'prose' is just snarky insults piled on top of one another. It's also hard to work out who is talking in a couple of places as he doesn't label dialog correctly and all his characters are clones of each other.

He should really kill himself.

Tough but fair.

 

[CanISitOnJonsLap]

The final scene featuring Susan and the word "authority"! Give yourself a treat if you've made it through all five. The last time Susan's authority was mentioned, she was meeting alien derstu Thuk for the first time. But there's a third protagonist she has yet to make contact with, Tyson Abington, and once again she's a bitchy powertripping cunt to him. You WILL tell Susan your name when she orders it! If not, she WILL explode your planet with nuclear weapons for disrespecting her!

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

Every character talks like Pat which explains why so many of his characters are women.

 

[Mr-Wrinkle-Paws]

I've read enough to give it five steaming piles of shit

 

[CarolMaxheinie]

It’s witless garbage. You’d have to have dogshit for brains to read that, and even worse to write and edit it. Also I heard the author is a fat loser who cheated at a fun run.

 

[Udders]

It just hit me reading this thread, didn't he name his stupid car Susan too? He even rips himself off, what an unoriginal talentless boar/bore.

 

[Will Tate]

The dialogue is as if Pat got to write both sides of every Twitter confrontation he's ever had. Cpt. Kamala even threatens to kick the other bitch off her ship (read: Pat blocking people on Twitter, or kicking out the "airlock").

...the Ansari is all of creation, and I am her maker.

The Ansari is Pat's Twitter account. Despite the fact that Jack Dorsey (read: a spaceship construction crew or whateverthefuck) created Twitter (read: the Ansari), Pat still has his own profile on that platform (read: Captain Susan Kamala), a ship of which HE is the captain! Read that second passage again and try to tell me the difference between it and Pat's Twitter when he warns an opponent of their impending block because he can't debate worth a fuck.

Pat is nothing but a lazy hack who doesn't have the intelligence, empathy, or creativity to think from the perspective of a mindset other than his own for a nanosecond. It's all just his ideal Twitter interactions substituted for dialogue and dumped into a rambling list of science-fiction tropes. Nothing short of pathetic.

 

[UnPRePared]

Every character talks like Pat which explains why so many of his characters are women.

Gosia said she was insulted by that, but admitted you're not wrong.

Also, Stephen King on a month long coke binge and writing mid-heart attack couldn't create prose worse than this.

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

This is justifiable homicide in 52 states.

 

[FLUUUID]

I cant decide if his writing or his personality is worse

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

So he named the character after his car and a slut.

Okay then.

 

[TorqueWheeler]

He really needs more commas separating every other word.

...meaty, horizontal lips

Mmmm... I bet they have big fish slits in the corners too. Sexy...

 

[FLUUUID]

View attachment 5206

I really want to read through it to find references but its aggravatingly bad. Who writes dialogue like that? "....reduce you to your constitutent atoms if i so chose" does he think this is funny or slick or something? Does he think including the word atoms makes it sound more spacey? Christ what a fat idiot, and he leaves his house to write this shit at a bar.

 

[guest]

Was this the same one where she stuck her ass out like she was gonna fart or was that a different book?

 

[Easily_Remembered]

Was this the same one where she stuck her ass out like she was gonna fart or was that a different book?

That was Starship Repo, where Petey Rick was sexualizing a teenage female character, because of course he was.

Chris Chan's Sonichu comics were better written than this. They were simultaneously more believable, had more realistic dialog and better characterization, were more linear, and generally less of a beatdown to endure.

I am going to say it - Chris Chan is more likable and more talented overall than Petey Rick, aka Chris Chins.