Questions about creepy loser Norton's foreword and dedications in his 2 books

[DMAN]

I was just perusing Norton's two shitty books. In his first one, I was enjoying the foreword by Colin Quinn bashing him but then giving him praise as a suicide prevention technique by CQ on Norton's behalf.

Long story short I went back a page or two and noticed that the 'dedication' in his book Happy Endings is made to a "Jade" and is written as if she is a dead woman. "For Jade, you were a great friend, a great roommate, and your farts were atrocious. I wish you could have stayed a little longer. Love, Jim." Who is this Jade? And did creepy Norton play any part in her demise?

Another observation: This lonely little idiot put his phone number and his MySpace URL at the beginning of his other book I Hate Your Guts. "(917) 267-2602 This is a legitimate phone number. I listen to messages left here, and at times respond to them. It's not a scam; check it out on my mySpace"

Nice dated information, stupid. By 2008 most had already moved on to facebook.

 

[LingerLonger]

I'm pretty sure Jade was Florentine's girlfriend who killed herself.

She was Japanese and killed herself by plunging a sword into her stomach in their kitchen.

Okay not really. It was far worse. She drugged herself and left all sorts of sick notes in her house to torture Florentine with for the rest of his life. She called Florentine during his set and said "I need to end the pain" and then turned her phone off. So Florentine rushed home to try to stop her. Then she left notes in their house for Florentine to read like "this is the table we won't be eating food on anymore" and put the note on the table. And left another note on their bed next to a dress that said "I won't be wearing this dress to New Years because I'll be dead!". Just to fuck with Florentine.

Florentine was so fucked up he ended up contacting a shaman to summon his girlfriend from the dead so that he could communicate with her and ask her why she killed herself. When his dead yellow dirty jap girlfriend appeared to him she told him to "move on" and find a new girlfriend. The literal next day Florentine met some woman at a concert, and made her his future wife and had a kid with her. Florentine would spend the next few years calling his new wife his "soulmate" and "love of his life" on stage over and over. Telling the story of his previous wife's suicide to his new wife at 100 comedy clubs over and over.

All the while the new wife was nailing the entire precinct and fire division behind his back. And fucking every cop and personal trainer within city limits who would be willing to slam her in the backseat of a car in a parking lot.

 

[Dummy Gaynuts]

She was Japanese and killed herself by plunging a sword into her stomach in their kitchen.

Okay not really. It was far worse. She drugged herself and left all sorts of sick notes in her house to torture Florentine with for the rest of his life. She called Florentine during his set and said "I need to end the pain" and then turned her phone off. So Florentine rushed home to try to stop her. Then she left notes in their house for Florentine to read like "this is the table we won't be eating food on anymore" and put the note on the table. And left another note on their bed next to a dress that said "I won't be wearing this dress to New Years because I'll be dead!". Just to fuck with Florentine.

Florentine was so fucked up he ended up contacting a shaman to summon his girlfriend from the dead so that he could communicate with her and ask her why she killed herself. When his dead yellow dirty jap girlfriend appeared to him she told him to "move on" and find a new girlfriend. The literal next day Florentine met some woman at a concert, and made her his future wife and had a kid with her. Florentine would spend the next few years calling his new wife his "soulmate" and "love of his life" on stage over and over. Telling the story of his previous wife's suicide to his new wife at 100 comedy clubs over and over.

All the while the new wife was nailing the entire precinct and fire division behind his back. And fucking every cop and personal trainer within city limits who would be willing to slam her in the backseat of a car in a parking lot.

Finally Jim Florentine does something entertaining

 

[Mike Glyer]

She was Japanese and killed herself by plunging a sword into her stomach in their kitchen.

Okay not really. It was far worse. She drugged herself and left all sorts of sick notes in her house to torture Florentine with for the rest of his life. She called Florentine during his set and said "I need to end the pain" and then turned her phone off. So Florentine rushed home to try to stop her. Then she left notes in their house for Florentine to read like "this is the table we won't be eating food on anymore" and put the note on the table. And left another note on their bed next to a dress that said "I won't be wearing this dress to New Years because I'll be dead!". Just to fuck with Florentine.

Florentine was so fucked up he ended up contacting a shaman to summon his girlfriend from the dead so that he could communicate with her and ask her why she killed herself. When his dead yellow dirty jap girlfriend appeared to him she told him to "move on" and find a new girlfriend. The literal next day Florentine met some woman at a concert, and made her his future wife and had a kid with her. Florentine would spend the next few years calling his new wife his "soulmate" and "love of his life" on stage over and over. Telling the story of his previous wife's suicide to his new wife at 100 comedy clubs over and over.

All the while the new wife was nailing the entire precinct and fire division behind his back. And fucking every cop and personal trainer within city limits who would be willing to slam her in the backseat of a car in a parking lot.

Jesus, he didn't really say she appeared to him, did he? A fucking shaman?

 

[DMAN]

She was Japanese and killed herself by plunging a sword into her stomach in their kitchen.

Okay not really. It was far worse. She drugged herself and left all sorts of sick notes in her house to torture Florentine with for the rest of his life. She called Florentine during his set and said "I need to end the pain" and then turned her phone off. So Florentine rushed home to try to stop her. Then she left notes in their house for Florentine to read like "this is the table we won't be eating food on anymore" and put the note on the table. And left another note on their bed next to a dress that said "I won't be wearing this dress to New Years because I'll be dead!". Just to fuck with Florentine.

Florentine was so fucked up he ended up contacting a shaman to summon his girlfriend from the dead so that he could communicate with her and ask her why she killed herself. When his dead yellow dirty jap girlfriend appeared to him she told him to "move on" and find a new girlfriend. The literal next day Florentine met some woman at a concert, and made her his future wife and had a kid with her. Florentine would spend the next few years calling his new wife his "soulmate" and "love of his life" on stage over and over. Telling the story of his previous wife's suicide to his new wife at 100 comedy clubs over and over.

All the while the new wife was nailing the entire precinct and fire division behind his back. And fucking every cop and personal trainer within city limits who would be willing to slam her in the backseat of a car in a parking lot.

That's funny, because Troy Quan spartan kicked his yellow bitch off the side of a cliff and still got the zipcar back in time.

 

[Meownaw]

That's funny, because Troy Quan spartan kicked his yellow bitch off the side of a cliff and still got the zipcar back in time.

Wasn't it a skate ramp? I think that's something people constantly get wrong because cliff is funnier.

 

[DMAN]

Wasn't it a skate ramp? I think that's something people constantly get wrong because cliff is funnier.

They were hiking. I'm pretty sure the body would be found in 10 seconds if it was left at a fucking skate park.

 

[Meownaw]

They were hiking. I'm pretty sure the body would be found in 10 seconds if it was left at a fucking skate park.

I remember reading she fell off a skate ramp let me find it. Oh nevermind it was State Park. I'm a fucking retard.

New York concert promoter killed in fall at Lehigh Gorge State Park

The 31-year-old fell about 40 feet off the Glen Onoko Falls.

www.lehighvalleylive.com

 

[guest]

I remember reading she fell off a skate ramp let me find it. Oh nevermind it was State Park. I'm a fucking retard.

[URL unfurl="true"]https://www.lehighvalleylive.com/breaking-news/2013/08/woman_killed_in_fall_at_state.html[/URL]

No, I think it’s cooler that you don’t remember. It would be double cool if you contacted Troy out of nowhere on Twitter just to remind him you don’t care enough to remember.

 

[Naked_Militiaman]

Well jade is the “stone of the heart” as they say hmm hmm

 

[MonsterSteve]

You wanna hear something really gay? I bought his book and brought it to Bananas comedy club in poughkeepsie for him to sign but I left it in the car when he was signing shit so I had to buy another one just for his gay signature. I remember feeling very different about Norton that night because when he was doing his signing he had stupid Kenny standing a foot from him like he was afraid of being assaulted by his fans. Fucking numbskull tranny loving midget.

 

[1950'sSpaceProgram]

You wanna hear something really gay? I bought his book and brought it to Bananas comedy club in poughkeepsie for him to sign but I left it in the car when he was signing shit so I had to buy another one just for his gay signature. I remember feeling very different about Norton that night because when he was doing his signing he had stupid Kenny standing a foot from him like he was afraid of being assaulted by his fans. Fucking numbskull tranny loving midget.

I'm not gonna pretend I never liked Norton, I actually liked one of his books (can't remember which though, which should be a sign of how much I liked it...), but his fear of people coming to get him is one of the funniest things I'd ever heard about him. Using Club Soda to bully promoters who knew they could cheat him, fine. Makes sense. But he kept that mongoloid around him at all times. Hearing "Norton's bodyguard" used as a punchline among other comedians was raqio gold.

 

[LingerLonger]

but his fear of people coming to get him is one of the funniest things I'd ever heard about him.

He would not go into grocery stores or convenience stores unless Kenny was right there next to him the entire time shadowing him through every aisle. Norton acted like he was the pope or the daughter of a billionaire or like the girl from Taken after she had gone through the kidnapping ordeal and was paranoid.

Yet the same guy would travel to random apartments and hotel rooms to bang prostitutes by himself. And one time said on the air that his favorite dominatrix, who used to make him swallow her piss, would blindfold him and take him to her house because she wanted the location secret for safety reasons. Norton's behaviors are equally hilarious and psychotic.

 

[BonnieMcFarlaneMe2]

She was Japanese and killed herself by plunging a sword into her stomach in their kitchen.

Okay not really. It was far worse. She drugged herself and left all sorts of sick notes in her house to torture Florentine with for the rest of his life. She called Florentine during his set and said "I need to end the pain" and then turned her phone off. So Florentine rushed home to try to stop her. Then she left notes in their house for Florentine to read like "this is the table we won't be eating food on anymore" and put the note on the table. And left another note on their bed next to a dress that said "I won't be wearing this dress to New Years because I'll be dead!". Just to fuck with Florentine.

Florentine was so fucked up he ended up contacting a shaman to summon his girlfriend from the dead so that he could communicate with her and ask her why she killed herself. When his dead yellow dirty jap girlfriend appeared to him she told him to "move on" and find a new girlfriend. The literal next day Florentine met some woman at a concert, and made her his future wife and had a kid with her. Florentine would spend the next few years calling his new wife his "soulmate" and "love of his life" on stage over and over. Telling the story of his previous wife's suicide to his new wife at 100 comedy clubs over and over.

All the while the new wife was nailing the entire precinct and fire division behind his back. And fucking every cop and personal trainer within city limits who would be willing to slam her in the backseat of a car in a parking lot.

She never called him because he said he could feel something when she did it while he was on stage. I can’t speak to the rest of your comment but his ex wife was married 2 or 3 times before 25.

 

[FingerofGod]

He would not go into grocery stores or convenience stores unless Kenny was right there next to him the entire time shadowing him through every aisle. Norton acted like he was the pope or the daughter of a billionaire or like the girl from Taken after she had gone through the kidnapping ordeal and was paranoid.

Yet the same guy would travel to random apartments and hotel rooms to bang prostitutes by himself. And one time said on the air that his favorite dominatrix, who used to make him swallow her piss, would blindfold him and take him to her house because she wanted the location secret for safety reasons. Norton's behaviors are equally hilarious and psychotic.

Nothing about the worm is hilarious.