Pat's worst news ever was already delivered to him in a live courtroom and he missed it.

[DrSteveCarlisi]

And you thought that was reeeeal funny didn't you? Yeah, yeah.

That's my new favorite Pat moment.

Even if Pat was completely in the right legally, which he never is, he will still never get the day in court that he keeps playing out in his head. Pat is definitely the hero of his own Marvel movie and probably thinks that it will quite literally make a good movie someday. Yet he's trying to be clever when he isn't. He's trying to twist the knife but he doesn't have a knife. Meanwhile the judge or magistrate shuts his fish mouth down with a simple, "Sir, don't do that."

Hear that, stupiT? The judge is tryna tell ya something.

Pat's big fat dramatic moment in court isn't ever going to happen. In fact, he should never speak in a courtroom again for any reason.

 

[SFWA liaison]

he will take the witness stand at your criminal trial for felony cyberfatphobia, you feel the walls closing in and you're increasingly desperate!!!

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

It's sort of like when he Kool-Aid Maned his way into the SF Court Zoom, and Judge Schulman bitch slapped him to Space Chili's.

 

[DrSteveCarlisi]

It's sort of like when he Kool-Aid Maned his way into the SF Court Zoom, and Judge Schulman bitch slapped him to Space Chili's.

It's exactly like that. How is he STILL so bad at this?

 

[DrSteveCarlisi]

 

[Stent]

He's a mumbling stumbling idiot incapable of living up to the daring heroic alpha he sees himself as. He's 42 and falls apart in traffic court over a simple speeding fine.

 

[BoringFaggot]

Where's the full audio of his court appearance? lol

 

[Pat_Torque_Monday]

A normal person would wake up with a jolt every night for the rest of their life if they embarrassed themselves that publicly, during quiet moments the memory would slide in and leave you flushed with shame.

His monotone hurried delivery of his "because I'm not 25 and I don't close out bars anymore" line - where he's struggling for breath towards the end - should provide similar chills but Pat is simply too fat, stupid and oblivious to understand how humiliating it all was.

 

[Udders]

Where's the full audio of his court appearance? lol

 

[BoringFaggot]

He's a mumbling stumbling idiot incapable of living up to the daring heroic alpha he sees himself as. He's 42 and falls apart in traffic court over a simple speeding fine.

The character he builds on twitter, big and strong, can do anything!

Then the real man... Meek and stupid, and very fat.

 

[BoringFaggot]

HOLY SHIT! He even stumbled right from the start, giving his name!

His tone though, he's a rude little Pig!

 

[Clint Ruin]

A normal person would wake up with a jolt every night for the rest of their life if they embarrassed themselves that publicly, during quiet moments the memory would slide in and leave you flushed with shame.

His monotone hurried delivery of his "because I'm not 25 and I don't close out bars anymore" line - where he's struggling for breath towards the end - should provide similar chills but Pat is simply too fat, stupid and oblivious to understand how humiliating it all was.

What fucking judge would be swayed by rehearsed quips like that. Fucking moron really did let Twitter rot his brain.

 

[DrSteveCarlisi]

Suddenly I have

What fucking judge would be swayed by rehearsed quips like that. Fucking moron really did let Twitter rot his brain.

Suddenly I have Homer's voice in my head, "The judge will decide what I tell him to, child!"

You're a simp, son.

 

[TorqueWheeler]

Anyone got the version with Dan cutting in every five seconds to laugh?

 

[TorqueWheeler]

It's exactly like that. How is he STILL so bad at this?

Yeah, he's absolutely imagining a day when he stands up and walks in front of the judge and lays out a 20 minute monologue about how he fought the nazis and won and everyone claps and cheers in all the right places.

 

[HotDogJoe]

Imagine going to court to take out a restraining order and one of the first things you do is this...





Fucking idiot. You're supposed to appear like a victim to the judge; not making fucking wisecracks. I guarantee the judge hated him from that moment on.

 

[handsomeblue]

He really puts the "shuglgle" in "Patrick Shuglgle Sorry Patrick Sean Tomlinson"

 

[guest]

Imagine going to court to take out a restraining order and one of the first things you do is this...

[MEDIA=vocaroo]14U0ul1B1WrS[/MEDIA]

Fucking idiot. You're supposed to appear like a victim to the judge; not making fucking wisecracks. I guarantee the judge hated him from that moment on.

He's just trying to relate. It's normal for a 25 year old to just "close out bars" every day. Surely the judge used to do the same thing.

 

[Pat_Torque_Monday]

It's always going to be a mistake to try using humour to sway the judge in your favour when you have the charm of a diarrhea fart.

 

[Sputnik]

It was said here before that the only court this place loses in is the People's Court. If you study your history tubbykins you'll know it's where you'd have an advantage.