OpenAI: Joe Cumia Arrested?!

[ElectricLightKazooII]

Our new AI overlords are the gift that keeps on giving!
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Musician Joseph Coleen Cumia was arrested during a live performance at a TGI Fridays restaurant after allegedly drinking child spit.

According to witnesses, Cumia was performing on stage when he suddenly grabbed a cup from a nearby table and drank from it. When confronted by restaurant staff, Cumia allegedly claimed that the cup contained the spit of a child.

The incident sparked outrage among patrons, and restaurant management quickly called the police. When officers arrived, they arrested Cumia and charged him with public intoxication and disturbing the peace.

Cumia, who is known for his controversial behavior, has not commented on the incident. It is unclear if he was under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time of the arrest. The TGI Fridays restaurant has since issued a statement condemning Cumia's actions and apologizing to patrons for the disturbance. The restaurant has also announced that it will no longer host live performances in the future.

Cumia is expected to appear in court in the coming days to face the charges against him. In the meantime, the musician's future performances and appearances are in question as he faces potential legal consequences for his actions.

 

[guest]

[URL='https://i.redd.it/y6ivwvo2kzn31.jpg']That sounds...a little far fetched[/URL]

 

[Joe_Cumia_Eats_HUMAN_SHIT]

importing your post into inferkit
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Cumia's racism and anti-semitism have come under scrutiny in the past. As The Daily Beast recently reported, Cumia appeared to make racist comments towards black patrons of a barber shop in New York's Harlem in 2006. A few months later, his radio show, The Opie and Anthony Show, did a segment about dating black women, which included jokes about black women supposedly having fangs and kissing black men, among other insults.

Cumia faced similar charges back in 2005 when he was arrested after assaulting a fan of his show during an interview. He was charged with a misdemeanor for violating a protective order. Cumia eventually spent 45 days in jail for the crime.

UPDATE: After the story went live, rumors began circulating that Cumia had actually been arrested for stealing child spit from a charity, which is also true. However, despite rumors to the contrary, this was not the case. The story, originally published in 2007, was resurfaced by Gawker's Adrian Chen, who clarified on Twitter that the story is not accurate.

 

[Zeroman]

importing your post into inferkit
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Cumia's racism and anti-semitism have come under scrutiny in the past. As The Daily Beast recently reported, Cumia appeared to make racist comments towards black patrons of a barber shop in New York's Harlem in 2006. A few months later, his radio show, The Opie and Anthony Show, did a segment about dating black women, which included jokes about black women supposedly having fangs and kissing black men, among other insults.

Cumia faced similar charges back in 2005 when he was arrested after assaulting a fan of his show during an interview. He was charged with a a misdemeanor for violating a protective order. Cumia eventually spent 45 days in jail for the crime.

UPDATE: After the story went live, rumors began circulating that Cumia had actually been arrested for stealing child spit from a charity, which is also true. However, despite rumors to the contrary, this was not the case. The story, originally published in 2007, was resurfaced by Gawker's Adrian Chen, who clarified on Twitter that the story is not accurate.

What a rollercoaster ride this is.

 

[UnPRePared]

Someone make a report in the style of a spoken Dave Meltzer report.

"Well, uh, you see the plan was for, umm, Joe to show up with 2U, despite performing Journey, uh, I guess Almost Journey wasn't, well, they weren't available, but plans changed, ya know?"

 

[satanssockpuppet]

Joe Cumia had always been a lover of music. He spent most of his days strumming his guitar at the Clam Hut, a small seaside restaurant where he had been a regular fixture for many years. The locals knew him well and loved listening to his melodies as they enjoyed their meals.
One day, as Joe was playing his guitar, he suddenly clutched his chest and fell to the ground. The other patrons rushed to his side, but it was too late. Joe had suffered a massive heart attack and passed away on the spot.
The news of Joe's sudden death shook the community. Everyone mourned the loss of the beloved musician and the Clam Hut was never the same without him. But his music lived on, as his friends and family kept his memory alive by sharing his songs and stories with anyone who would listen.

 

[satanssockpuppet]

Joe Cumia had always been a bit of a daredevil. He loved nothing more than pushing the limits and living life on the edge. So when he bought his bright red Fiat, he was determined to take it to the limit.

He raced through the streets of the city, dodging in and out of traffic and ignoring the honks and shouts of the other drivers. He felt invincible, like nothing could stop him.

But as he rounded a sharp corner at top speed, he didn't see the dump truck coming towards him. The truck driver tried to swerve out of the way, but it was too late. The Fiat was crushed beneath the massive wheels of the truck, and Joe was killed instantly.

The news of his death sent shockwaves through the community, and his friends and family were devastated. They couldn't believe that he had been taken from them so suddenly, in such a senseless and avoidable accident.

But even in death, Joe's spirit lived on. His loved ones remembered him as a wild and adventurous soul, always chasing his dreams and never backing down from a challenge. And though he was gone, his memory continued to inspire those who knew him to live their lives to the fullest, just as he had

 

[Cakehorn's Shitty Sink]

Ray Wilson of Genesis and Joseph Cumia were walking down the street one day when they spotted a kissing contest being held at the local fair. The two of them decided to enter, thinking they would be the best at it.

The contest began and the two of them locked lips, trying to outdo each other with their kissing skills. They were neck and neck, but then things took a turn for the strange.

Suddenly, they both started to feel a strange sensation in their stomachs. They realized that they had both eaten something bad earlier in the day and were now experiencing the effects.

Not wanting to give up on the contest, they decided to continue kissing, but this time with a twist. They would eat each other's diarrhea while singing "Solsbury Hill" by Peter Gabriel.

The crowd was horrified, but the two men were determined to win. They sang and ate, their faces contorted in disgust, but still they continued.

In the end, it was a tie. The judges couldn't decide who was the better kisser, so they declared both Ray Wilson of Genesis and Joseph Cumia the winners.

As they walked away from the contest, they both knew that they had made history that day. They would never forget the time they ate each other's diarrhea while singing "Solsbury Hill".

 

[UnPRePared]

Ray Wilson of Genesis and Joseph Cumia were walking down the street one day when they spotted a kissing contest being held at the local fair. The two of them decided to enter, thinking they would be the best at it.

The contest began and the two of them locked lips, trying to outdo each other with their kissing skills. They were neck and neck, but then things took a turn for the strange.

Suddenly, they both started to feel a strange sensation in their stomachs. They realized that they had both eaten something bad earlier in the day and were now experiencing the effects.

Not wanting to give up on the contest, they decided to continue kissing, but this time with a twist. They would eat each other's diarrhea while singing "Solsbury Hill" by Peter Gabriel.

The crowd was horrified, but the two men were determined to win. They sang and ate, their faces contorted in disgust, but still they continued.

In the end, it was a tie. The judges couldn't decide who was the better kisser, so they declared both Ray Wilson of Genesis and Joseph Cumia the winners.

As they walked away from the contest, they both knew that they had made history that day. They would never forget the time they ate each other's diarrhea while singing "Solsbury Hill".

FAKE NEWS!

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

Ray Wilson of Genesis and Joseph Cumia were walking down the street one day when they spotted a kissing contest being held at the local fair. The two of them decided to enter, thinking they would be the best at it.

The contest began and the two of them locked lips, trying to outdo each other with their kissing skills. They were neck and neck, but then things took a turn for the strange.

Suddenly, they both started to feel a strange sensation in their stomachs. They realized that they had both eaten something bad earlier in the day and were now experiencing the effects.

Not wanting to give up on the contest, they decided to continue kissing, but this time with a twist. They would eat each other's diarrhea while singing "Solsbury Hill" by Peter Gabriel.

The crowd was horrified, but the two men were determined to win. They sang and ate, their faces contorted in disgust, but still they continued.

In the end, it was a tie. The judges couldn't decide who was the better kisser, so they declared both Ray Wilson of Genesis and Joseph Cumia the winners.

As they walked away from the contest, they both knew that they had made history that day. They would never forget the time they ate each other's diarrhea while singing "Solsbury Hill".

Cumtown's still got it.