Johnny Appleseed

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Where in the heck did he get all those darned apple seeds?

Make a nigga shed a tear the part at the end when he sees his mortal husk smiling peacefully under the tree and he doesn't wanna pass on to the great beyond with his guardian angel because the nigga just wanted to keep planting trees, reading the Good Book and being good to his woodland critter friends because it's all he ever knew. He only agreed to go when his guardian angel told him that they need apple trees in Heaven. Nigga had to serve his purpose even in death.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

He could've just lied and said he was Jewish. Then he would've been buried in a Jew cemetery and been banned from Heaven so he could just stick around and plant apple trees on Earth forever.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

The Lord is good to me
And so I thank the Lord
For giving me the things I need
The sun and the rain and the apple seed
Oh, the Lord is good to me

 

[TheGhostOfBernellTrammell]

What kind of apples do you think he was planting?

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

What kind of apples do you think he was planting?

I'd like to think a nice Roxbury Russet but it was probably just shitty crab apples.

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

What kind of apples do you think he was planting?

It always bothered me that they were all red apples in the cartoon, red so-called "delicious" apples are the worst. Nice shitty texture and excessive sugar, stupid.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I'd like to think a nice Roxbury Russet but it was probably just shitty crab apples.

Apparently, he was against grafting so his apples were probably inedible and only good for cider. So this nigga was just getting niggas drunk on the frontier and that's why everyone loved him.

 

[TheGhostOfBernellTrammell]

It always bothered me that they were all red apples in the cartoon, red so-called "delicious" apples are the worst. Nice shitty texture and excessive sugar, stupid.

Completely agree, they are only good for apple pie. I'm a granny smith or honeycrisp sort of guy.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Completely agree, they are only good for apple pie. I'm a granny smith or honeycrisp sort of guy.

I like a nice Gala. People tell me that's a shitty apple but I like em.

 

[Meownaw]

Johnny Appleseed is as real as Paul Bunyan.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Johnny Appleseed is as real as Paul Bunyan.

His name was John Chapman and he lived from 1774 to 1845 you fucking NIGGER.

Next you're gonna try telling me Pecos Bill wasn't real.

 

[Lamont & Tonelli]

Next you're gonna try telling me Pecos Bill wasn't real.

Better fucking not. He lassoed a twister with a diamondback and nobody can tell me different. WWAWD Ol' Dan Tucker?

 

[Kim_Jong_Poon_]

Johnny Lobiest Seed more like it

 

[Queefer Sutherland]

Nana Appledick...

 

[guest]

What if it was Johnny Brappleseed and he could only bust in farting butts?

 

[Stent]

Today he'd be an eco-terrorist. Even more so than the apple foreskin guy.

 

[Riccardo Bosi]

What if it was Johnny Anal Beads and he planted anal beads all over America so there'd be anal beads for everybody

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Nana Appledick...

View attachment 158628

Well I'm not gonna see anything that funny again for a while. The picture loaded perfectly too. It took a while and I could only see the top of the apple. I was like "what's wrapped around that apple? Bologna?"

 

[Easily_Remembered]

Johnny Nanaseed

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

View attachment 158706

Johnny Nanaseed

It's all lies. He didn't even talk to people, he talked to the trees and the varmints. If anything, he'd fuck a tree or a varmint.