Jail advice for Pat

[Jim Norton’s Wife's Cock]

Hey Patso. You need to shave your chest on day one and try to get hold of some red Jolly Ranchers. You have a lovely pair of tits and some juicy DSLs. Play to your strengths, a few months of giving baby oil titfucks and sloppy head to negroes and Wisconsin white trash is better than being shanked, right?

Think of all the new book ideas you will conjure up from your experiences! You, Paul & Delany could team up and release a book of prison erotica short stories!

 

[guest]

He needs to embrace his inner Tommy Tomlinson and willingly/eagerly accept those penises.

 

[Jim Norton’s Wife's Cock]

He needs to embrace his inner Tommy Tomlinson and willingly/eagerly accept those penises.

Tommy Tomlinson: “ Listen son, jail is tough on a man. I’ll give you some advice.. on your first day in there you find the biggest toughest guy on the block and yo..”

Pat: “ Yes father, child. You punch them in the face. We all know that advice”

Tommy Tomlinson: “ No son, you get on your knees and blow him like you mean it. Suck like your life depends on it, nose to belly, work the balls.. heck, even slip a finger up their ass and work the prostate if ya need ta! “

 

[SFWA liaison]

I wasn't prison-raped, child. I gave enthusiastic consent!

 

[DrTorqueCarlisi]

Hey Patso. You need to shave your chest on day one and try to get hold of some red Jolly Ranchers. You have a lovely pair of tits and some juicy DSLs. Play to your strengths, a few months of giving baby oil titfucks and sloppy head to negroes and Wisconsin white trash is better than being shanked, right?

Think of all the new book ideas you will conjure up from your experiences! You, Paul & Delany could team up and release a book of prison erotica short stories!

So you're saying he should suck with skill and enthusiasm? Like some kind of Old Testament Sodomite Sex God?

 

[CruisinColin]

I eagerly await pics of the hand-written copypasta letters he'll send out.

 

[T. Booth Willy]

Start complaining immediately. Tell the jailers and the other inmates how unfair it is that you are there. Talk about science fiction stuff. Be funny. Showcase that winning personality. But don't take shit off anyone. You're better than these people and they need to know it. Tell them you know karate. Nobody wants problems from a guy like that. Mention knife fighting. Prison is the land of knife fights so this will gain you immense respect. The most important thing is to keep talking. You're an author and a comedian you have a mastery of the language and a charisma that will impress the inmates and jailers alike. If you hear people talking butt in to their conversation. They will be greatful for the opportunity to talk to a local celebrity. Jail is hard for normal people, but for authors it's an opportunity to write a masterpiece. Adolf Hitler, Oscar Wilde The Marquis de Sade all did their best writing in jail. There's no reason Tiny Tim can't go to space in a complete reboot of Christmas Carnage. Leave a light on and stay up all night writing. Impress your cellmate with your work ethic. Good luck. But you won't need it. You're Patrick Tomlinson and no inmate you serve time with will ever forget you.

 

[Rudderman]

Fat will be fine because he has all of that sauna experience to fall back on.

 

[JoshFromMichigan]

Don't drop the soap, nigga.

 

[Random username]

Hopefully dope sick niggers puke on him in the holding tank.

 

[T. Booth Willy]

You won't have your phone in there so you have to be proactive when it comes to correcting the record. You should assume that a few of the black inmates have heard of you and might believe the nasty rumors. You don't want to wait for them to confront you so it's best to approach them individually or when they're in a group and explain that you've never kidnapped, murdered and ground up any of their children. Smile and laugh when you are explaining yourself so they can see that you're not a weirdo.

 

[guest]

Quasi can garnish his commissary account. So if Fatty wants to buy any honey buns, he's gonna have to make some money under the table, i.e. using his ass (smuggling in cellphones, letting niggers fuck him, etc)

 

[Slackjawed Cow]

 

[Jenna]

Many heterosexual men give and receive oral sex in prison, stlaker. Only a sexually frustrated brodouche would think otherwise.

 

[Slackjawed Cow]

Many heterosexual men give and receive oral sex in prison, stlaker. Only a sexually frustrated brodouche would think otherwise.

This will be a great opportunity where Pat can prove just how progressive he really is.

 

[Cumtown Fags]

Many heterosexual men give and receive oral sex in prison, stlaker. Only a sexually frustrated brodouche would think otherwise.