• This forum is dedicated exclusively to parody, comedy, and satirical content. None of the statements, opinions, or depictions shared on this platform should be considered or treated as factual information under any circumstances. All content is intended for entertainment purposes only and should be regarded as fictional, exaggerated, or purely the result of personal opinions and creative expression.

    Please be aware that this forum may feature discussions and content related to taboo, controversial, or potentially offensive subjects. The purpose of this content is not to incite harm but to engage in satire and explore the boundaries of humor. If you are sensitive to such subjects or are easily offended, we kindly advise that you leave the forum.

    Any similarities to real people, events, or situations are either coincidental or based on real-life inspirations but used within the context of fair use satire. By accepting this disclaimer, you acknowledge and understand that the content found within this forum is strictly meant for parody, satire, and entertainment. You agree not to hold the forum, its administrators, moderators, or users responsible for any content that may be perceived as offensive or inappropriate. You enter and participate in this forum at your own risk, with full awareness that everything on this platform is purely comedic, satirical, or opinion-based, and should never be taken as factual information.

    If any information or discussion on this platform triggers distressing emotions or thoughts, please leave immediately and consider seeking assistance.

    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA): Phone: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) Website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Is this the best video game of all time?

ShutYourCakeHorn

Gassers/Say "Cookie" Alt
It's my favorite game ever!

This is an older game, 1999, it is for Playstation (that's ONE, not TWO). I played it in 2000. It is long long out of print but there are some copies still floating around. I even have a shrinkwrapped copy on my shelf.

For those that don't know: Xena: Warrior Princess is a made-for-TV show, it ran 6 years. The character Xena is a Thracian warrioress who lived sometime around the time of Christ. Xena:WP is an offshoot of the popular show Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, where she made her first apearance in season 1, for 3 episodes. The 'real' Hercules lived approximately 1500 B.C. but in the show he lived also around the time of Christ. (Likewise the 'real' Xena: Thracian warrioress would have lived about 300 B.C. or so).There are a few crossover episodes between the two shows (these tend to be fan favorites), wherein the actors play their signature characters and also other characters. In the show, Xena is the major character, but her younger friend Gabrielle from Podidea also accompanies her through most of the series. In the show, Xena is looking for redemption for past misdeeds but nothing like that is going on in the game.

Hercules does not make an appearance in this game. Also, the story line does contain some elements of the show but none actually taken from the show. There are renegade warrior Amazons; superhuman beings who kidnap Gabrielle and want to sacrifice her; a trip to the underworld; and a battle with a godlike being all of which occur in some fashion or another mostly in season 3.

There are 20 levels, with the big boss the 21st level. There is a bit of butt-kicking, but there is also some strategy, planning, decision making and quite a bit of puzzle-solving. Xena has several signature moves such as her circle-sword attack, her bicycle kick and her low circular sword swing. And most uniquely, the player makes good use of Xena's chakram throughout all the levels except the big boss battle. There aren't many games starring strong female leads, and certainly not in 1999 (the other ones were Lara Croft of 'Tomb Raider first for PC and then console games in 1996; and Rynn of 'Drakan', for PC and then for Playstation 2, came out in 1999). The creators will unashamedly admit that all three games were of busty girls and were aimed directly at a young male audience. From my personal experience it is mostly women that have played Xena; Tomb Raider and Drakan had a mostly male fan base so Xena was unique that way, and also drew many women to the electronic gaming arena for the first time, and for that it gets a lot of credit. It seems the game didn't sell well and a second one was never fully released. There was a Xena fighting game for Nintendo 64 that also didn't sell well and in fact I never bothered to play it; a Xena game for Gameboy but neither of the three Xena games did much worse than Hercules. I don't think the games were promoted very much. In any case, I think more people have played the game SINCE it went out of production than when it was released. A major disappointment I shared with the game and show fans, was that the voices of the game charactors weren't done by the show actors.

It's a good game and a favorite of mine; I have played it altogether 4 times, and just recently last week. There are two ways to play it: 1) on Playstation 1 or 2 or 3; the other, on the PC with a program such as Bleem or Connectix (NOT WINDOWS XP or ABOVE!) Playing it on the PC was the way I first played it, and it's great because (1) you can save your saved game onto a floppy and email it to others (I couldn't get this to work but I think it was just me) and (2) you can use a joystick and/or program your keyboard to any variety of key controls which is really great for left-handers or people with disabilities. Bleem and Connectix have long been out of production thanks to lawsuits by Sony, but they are still around and most of us can make copies of them. (Bleem was originally copy-protected but that was cracked long ago, and Connectix is small enough to be emailed). These were good programs and it's a shame they're gone.

Another unique feature of the game is the 'Karma Chakram' which is an icon on the bottom right of your screen a small part of which turns yellow each time Xena uses strategy and rescuing rather than outright killing whenever possible. When the chakram meter fills up, Xena is transformed golden and is superpowerful for a short time. There is almost no way to conrol when the chakram fills up and I guarantee you Xena goes super when there are hardly any enemies around and it is mostly wasted. The Karma Chakram is not available on the 21st 'boss' level. I played the game through a third time just to use no lethal tactics and get the Karma Chakram's power; there are no special end result when you do this except the game is really hard and you die a lot and it almost isn't worth it except to make the game harder, if that appeals to you.

Yet another perk of the game is that on each of the 20 levels there are two scrolls to collect (scrolls figure prominently in some of the Xena epsiodes) and if you collect them all you get a special ending featuring mostly Gabrielle. Most of them are easy to get; there are one or two that take more effort. One word of warning; if you miss a scroll and you want to see the special ending, then go right back immediately and get it. Reason being: say you miss the second scroll on Level 7 as so many do (and as did I the first and third time through) but don't bother to get it untill a few levels later, then when you go back to redo the level and get the second scroll, and then save, THAT'S WHERE THE GAME SAVES and you will have lost all subsequent levels. You'll have to replay your lost levels to get the secret ending. As soon as you complete a level, you can go back and replay it and all previous levels. Again, beware of the save feature. I took 30 or so hours to complete each play-through; by comparison most games I've played are 10 hours and games of the last couple of years (Like Zelda Windwaker) are 40 or even more, hours.

Not only is the game lead female, but so are many of the antagonists. The main enemy is Kalabrax, a woman; and a good bit of battling is done with Amazons. Also worth noting; in the final battle Xena does not use her sword or chakram, just her wits and some strategic thinking.

There is no 'easy', 'medium' or 'hard' choices but as mentioned earlier you can play all the way through and not use unneccesary lethal moves, which is the equivalent of 'hard' setting, or not using the sword or chakram just her kicks and such which is also hard. There are 13 basic moves (run, roll, walk, kick etc) 10 advanced moves and 7 combos. You CAN if you want go through the game and indiscriminately slash, but I don't think you can complete the game that way as that doesn't do enough damage and you will die all the time, so you do have to use some strategy. The two moves I used the most were the double slash and the low running 180 to 360 degree slash which I'm not sure how to do on purpose and it isn't listed anywhere. Just those two moves do damage even to Kalabrax. The bicycle kick is great and does some damage especially with two enemies, but I had trouble executing it and didn't use it much. My favorite which I could never do on purpose during combat is the continuous 360 degree spinning attack while Xena does her signature YiYiYiyi yell. I got a lot of requests to demonstrate that when I had visitors, it is really hilarious, though it doesn't seem to do much damage to enemies.

The two shows occasionally had 'story arcs'; 2 or 3 episodes that contained a continuing story when viewed end to end. Well-known examples are the 'Xena' and 'Golden Hind' story arcs of Hercules, and the 'Callisto' and 'Evil Hope' and 'India' story arcs of Xena. The game is the same way; the levels are grouped into themes that take place at the same geographic location and the same theme music.

Prima published a strategy guide which is beautiful and collectable in itself and long out of print when I was playing the game so I had to get one from Ebay. It is over 90 full-color pages and if you come across one grab it, whether you play the game or not. It contains all the secrets, strategies and some posters on the inside covers that are scenes from the show.

The music is original (I'd never heard it before) and good and there is a surprising amount of it. It is mostly fast paced and synthesized-type music. I captured as much of it as I could and I guess, when I get finished processing it, there will be an hour or so soundtrack. There is one piece of music--about 7 whole notes--during the final cutscene (you hear it in both endings) that has a Celtic sound to it. There are two variations of the Xena tv show theme. And a favorite of mine is the 'exit' theme which is the sound of the chakram falling to the ground; very very good.

I hope someday that Xena: WP is rereleased for all those people who missed it the first time, for those of us who loved and played the game, and for all those who have yet to newly discover it. If rereleased, it will be sure to delight a whole new generation of gamers.

Level Hints and Tips
*1.The Road to Oebalus**2.Trouble in Oebalus**3.The Pirate King, Pactolus**4.The Isle of Kronos
These four levels take place in a tropical garden setting, with lush green vegetation, blue skies and waterfalls. In Level 1, you whack your way through the level. In Level 2 you encounter hostages and you have to use your chakram to kill the pirates, or they kill the hostages. The level ends abruptly if the hostages die before you rescue them. In Level 3 you get your first puzzle; the exit is on fire and you can't leave untill you put it out. In Level 4, you have to use strategy because the Cyclops is invulnerable, and you have to get through two boulder barriers that you can't break.

5. On the Trail of Gabrielle**6. Valerian's Castle**7. Valerian's Secret
In Level 5, an invincible troll is guarding the bridge and you need help from your 'honey'. In Level 6, you have to find a way to break down the gate. In Level 7, to exit you just fight and fight and fight and the level eventually ends itself. When it does, if you haven't used the catapult to get the second scroll (and that's all you need the catapult for, this is not an exit and not necessary for the game just the secret ending), you will lose the chance and have to play the level over.

8. Labyrinth
Slash your way through spiders, and you have one puzzle here; an impassable crevice for which you need your Chakram.
 

ShutYourCakeHorn

Gassers/Say "Cookie" Alt
9. The Renegade Amazon Village**10. Rivers of Blood**11. Lost Temple(s) of the Titans
For this 3-level Amazon story arc, you will likely NEED to use the fighting staff as the reach of your sword is too short and it is too slow. I couldn't get through with just the sword and chakram. If you step on the staff lying on the ground, you automatically pick it up and lose your sword for the rest of the level unles you die and come back with the resurrection jewel, when you'll have your sword again. If you want to keep your sword, leap over the staff on the ground without touching it. In Level 10, you fight beside Gabrielle and although she is valiant, she isn't as good as the Amazons so you must stay close to her and step in to help her if her health meter runs too low. Also, there is a bridge which Gabrielle refuses to cross sometimes, she just runs around in circles and won't follow you. If she does that for a couple of minutes, she is never going to follow you. In that case, you must make sure all the enemies are defeated (so they won't finish her) and then continue on and either finish the level without her (the game engine doesn't notice sometimes) or suddenly she will materialize beside you for no reason. In Level 11, the level ends when you defeat the Amazon Queen and sometimes she comes after you before you have the second scroll. She's powerful and will squash you in seconds, so you have to run if you want the second scroll or just start the level over. Since she won't come after you untill you've defeated her minions, you're better off I think not defeating all the Amazons untill you have the second scroll. (Their beat-down is less deadly than the Queen's).

12. Dyzan's Lair
Another riddle: Dyzan is invulnerable to a direct attack from you.

13. Road to Hades**14. Traps of Charon**15. Hades' Castle
The biggest thing here in these three levels is to use your chakram a lot and take out the enemies far in advance of you. I toggled a lot between 'walk' and 'run' to keep from falling off the bridges and ledges. In Level 15, when Charon comes to get you after you ring the bell, it is possible for Xena to step into the boat the wrong way and fall into the lava--I did it twice. Also, I've never been able to get all seven flames doused, (throw the chakram and hit the poles) usually just three, before the wraiths charge. I had to leap all the way back to the ledge just before the electrified steps (you shouldn't go back on them) before the wraiths gave up and went back. Then I went back and QUICKLY shut off the rest of the lamps because the wraiths are faster now.

16. Village of T'ier Na**17. Rescue the Seer, Fei**18. The Lyre of Orpheus
Level 16 is basically slash and whack. In Level 17 you have to stay close to the Seer because he's being attacked by no less than 3 soldiers. Just whack anyone who gets close to him; I used the low 180/360 spin slash on these guys. This is a long painstaking level since the Seer is soooo slow getting to the gate. Once you hear "Help Me!" then give up looking for any more goodies and run for the village center because the Seer is being attacked.He doesn't have much stamina and his health meter gives out pretty quick. In Level 18, you chase the Druid priest into the temple. He hovers over his alter shooting electric beams at you. Behind him are five symbols on the wall; on the altar below him (in front of you) are five symbols that turn when Xena strikes them with her sword. The two sets of symbols must match. BUT they are backwards! The first symbol on the left over the Druid's head will be the first symbol on your right as you face the alter. The second symbol on the left over the Druid's head will be the second symbol from your right as you face the alter. And so on, with the center symbol being the same either way. The strategy guide doesn't explain that very well and I died 20 times before I figured it out. It can take 10 - 15 sword strikes to gt the symbols right, and in the meantime you are getting blasted with electric beams you can't avoid. Hopefully you have at least four or five health elixers going in.

19. The Three Sisters**20. The Challenge**21 Temple of the Pinnacles
In Level 19, you basically slash and whack, best from behind. In Level 20, I beat the Ogres by alternatedly attacking their legs, which kept them off balance and pushed them back faster. I hit one Ogre, then went for the one with the ledge passageway behind him. After whacking him (You can run right by him too if your health is low and get him on the way back), take the path behind him to Zeus's temple for goodies and a key. Then go to the Ogre with the gate behind him. Use your chakram to take out the first two Dryads, then when you step onto the Ogre's platform (he won't come after you right away) use your chakram to take out the 2 or 3 Dryads flying around his head. Then go after the Ogre. Then go after the other two Ogres. After you strike the harmonic and Ares speaks to you, play the Lyre. I forgot once and leaped through the gateway and right to my death over the side. By Level 21 you had best know how to do flips and cartwheels since Xena cannot outrun Kalabrax in bull form. If not, then go into another level and practice (or the training level) before going into the Temple. As soon as possible get the 2 scrolls since they are hard to get once you start fighting Kalabrax. At the end even as the temple crashes down around you, Kalabrax will follow you to the altar and shoot electric beams at you so be prepared to dodge them.

Happy Chakram-throwing!
 

not that Jack Horner

If you saw me IRL you very likely wouldn't look me
It's either Grand Theft Auto V, Half Life 2 or Xena: Princess Warrior on the playstation 1.

half life 2 blows actually. half life 1 was pretty perfect

best game ive played in a min was first Deus Ex, and Persona 5, also Bioshock was perfect

The Witcher 3 was dope, if he had some more missions like the bloody baron it could have been a masterpiece. it made me go back and play 1 and 2 on PC, which are so cool in the fact they were made when girls didnt play video games. so like a lot of pc games it had tits and misogyny everywhere like it should be. people say witcher 2 is the best, but I really dug playing witcher 1. you really get immersed in the levels because your stuck in them for so long, like deus ex, a smaller more detailed map is a lot of times more engrossing than a vast map of nothing were your just treading water.
 
Last edited:
Top