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I forgot about my micropenis and sat down to go tinkle and now my balls smell like pee
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I just pissed all over my balls at work
- Thread starter Turry Precision ™®©
- Start date
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I once sat on a toilet with a loose seat cover and my balls got pinched between the seat and the bowl and it bled a little. Just a lil bit. Hurt like a motherfucker.
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The jews did this to me
I've zipped my balls and the tip of my dick once.
The dick bled a lil bit the balls definitely hurt more
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I got a contract I.T. gig back in the day in Oregon. I had been trying to move there for a while, but nothing ever worked out. (Oregon's job market sucks.)
So I'm at the new gig and I'm like "this is great!"
Then one day someone kept mentioning "1039" in a meeting. And I asked a coworker what the significance of "1039" was.
He informed me: "The company has a policy where you can only work 1039 hours per contract. No matter how well you do, you're cut off at 1039 hours."
WTF
So I scrambled to find a new gig, and found one on the other side of the country. Since I am stupid and sometimes hard working, I worked the Oregon job right up until the last day, took a red eye flight to the east coast, failed to get any sleep on the plane, and showed up at the new job - 3000 miles away - with nearly no sleep.
Who needs to make a good first impression?
By 2pm on my first day I was about as miserable as anyone has ever been. I'd been awake for something like 30 hours continuously, I was jet lagged, it was 10,000 degrees outside. It just suuuuuuuuucked. By 2:30pm I was fading in and out of consciousness. I looked homeless. I was counting every single minute until the day was over.
Have you ever become so tired that you begin to pass out, for a few seconds, while standing up? Like, you're driving down the road and you nod off, and you come back and you just blacked out for 2-5 seconds? Yeah, I do that.
As 5pm approached, I could feel the sweet relief of finishing that MISERABLE FUCKING DAY. And just then... the owner of the company walks in, and invites everyone out to dinner.
I was insanely depressed over this. I didn't have a rental car. UBER didn't exist at this time. So I steeled myself for a dinner where I would have to socialize with everyone else, and I stopped to take a leak before we left for dinner.
I FELL ASLEEP, STANDING UP, AT THE URINAL.
Literally blacked out while taking a leak.
It was only for a few seconds, but it was enough to soak the front of my pants.
We get to the restaurant and I was scheming on how I could go and wash the urine out of my pants, when the owner of the company and the only woman on the entire team invited me to sit next to them.
KILL ME NOW
So I'm at the new gig and I'm like "this is great!"
Then one day someone kept mentioning "1039" in a meeting. And I asked a coworker what the significance of "1039" was.
He informed me: "The company has a policy where you can only work 1039 hours per contract. No matter how well you do, you're cut off at 1039 hours."
WTF
So I scrambled to find a new gig, and found one on the other side of the country. Since I am stupid and sometimes hard working, I worked the Oregon job right up until the last day, took a red eye flight to the east coast, failed to get any sleep on the plane, and showed up at the new job - 3000 miles away - with nearly no sleep.
Who needs to make a good first impression?
By 2pm on my first day I was about as miserable as anyone has ever been. I'd been awake for something like 30 hours continuously, I was jet lagged, it was 10,000 degrees outside. It just suuuuuuuuucked. By 2:30pm I was fading in and out of consciousness. I looked homeless. I was counting every single minute until the day was over.
Have you ever become so tired that you begin to pass out, for a few seconds, while standing up? Like, you're driving down the road and you nod off, and you come back and you just blacked out for 2-5 seconds? Yeah, I do that.
As 5pm approached, I could feel the sweet relief of finishing that MISERABLE FUCKING DAY. And just then... the owner of the company walks in, and invites everyone out to dinner.
I was insanely depressed over this. I didn't have a rental car. UBER didn't exist at this time. So I steeled myself for a dinner where I would have to socialize with everyone else, and I stopped to take a leak before we left for dinner.
I FELL ASLEEP, STANDING UP, AT THE URINAL.
Literally blacked out while taking a leak.
It was only for a few seconds, but it was enough to soak the front of my pants.
We get to the restaurant and I was scheming on how I could go and wash the urine out of my pants, when the owner of the company and the only woman on the entire team invited me to sit next to them.
KILL ME NOW