"Time to show them all how straight I am again" lisped Andy, as he minced his way to his desk. "Oh, there's a minor female, she'll do nicely" he hissed.
"I would SO fuck this child" he tweeted, "because only the youngest freshest pussy can properly satiate me, because I'm Andy Espresso, an ultra-heterosexual unapologetically masculine man. Even Joe Rogan said so". Andy pressed "send" and leaned back in his chair limply, still daintily clutching his long neck beer bottle, with his pinkie coquettishly extended. "HahaHAholeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeshit, they have no idea how fabulously queer I am!". Andy leaped to his feet and gleefully pranced across the room to his bookshelf. He grabbed his "Grease" soundtrack CD, removed it from the case and popped it into his player.
"Thummer lovin, had me a blasttttt!" he lisped, vamping and sashaying about like a gay college drama major. Suddenly he was snapped back to reality by a female voice from the bedroom of his cramped, one bedroom apartment.
"Will you PLEASE keep it down in there? I can't sleep with you fagging around all night, Andy! If you keep it up I'm tweeting out that pic of your dildo and buttplug drawer!"
"Fucking bitch!" he sneered quietly, under his breath. "Every fucking time I want to do my goodamned guy stuff, she just totally ruins it for me. I fucking hate having to pretend to like women SO MUCH! If she wasn't here I'd be twirling and vogue-ing and having a FABULOUS time. Fucking icky gross girl, they aren't even people! I'm so mad I think I'm gonna rage about niggers some more."
Andy nervously strode through Times Square at 3AM. "there has to be at least ONE here. Ooooh, a nigger one. Bet she has a monster cock!"
"Hey, uh, how much to get a taste of that hot she dick?"
"What'd you say?"
"I'm looking for some thicc she dick tonight, and I was hoping you'd be into it and..."
"YOU THINK I'M A TRANNY, YOU DUMB WHITE MOTHERFUCKER?"
"Oh, no, no no no, ma'am, I, uh, just thought that, uh...."
"I OUGHTA KICK YOUR FUCKIN' ASS"
"Noooo! Wait...oww, stop hitting me! Stop hitting me! Owww! Owww! Stop, please! I'm sorry!"
"Ha! Hey! Look at that white faggot over there! He thought that sister was a tranny! He wants to suck cock! And she's kicking his ass! Oh man, that's fucking hilarious!"
"Sthop! Sthop it!" Andy lisped, "this isn't your show! This isn't your show!". Andy began running as fast as he could, he needed to get back home, where he was safe. Andy ran and ran and finally found himself back in his apartment, alone and out of breath. He grabbed his Xanax bottle, opened a beer, and washed down two bars. He sat at his desk, and rage and shame began to wash over him in great waves. "If that nigger bitch recognized me as Andy Espresso and tells everyone I mistook her for a tranny, I will be exposed as a secret fag! Whatever will I do?". He logged onto Twitter under his username, Anthony Qoomia, and began lashing out in sexually repressed frustration.
"Fucking nigger savage cunt fuck slut pig" he tweeted. "They aren't people! This jungle pig attacked me, Andy Espresso, for no reason! I hate those niggers! And they lie too! They make up stories to make white heterosexual guys like me look bad! They really do! Those fucking niggers!". "There, that should cover all the bases.Oooooh! Tranny porn!"