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I am sick and tired of being fat/overweight
I think the main reason of me not being able to lose weight is because of my horrible relationship with food. I'm a rather shy person, I don't really like talking to people about how I feel, or show my vulnerabilities to others. I have this facade of being a strong independent woman that brings joy into the crowd. I have always been a listener amongst my friends, they come to me when they need a listening ear. However, I couldn't say the same about myself. I don't open up to my closest people and hence I have always confided in the comfort of food.
Not only that, growing up I was always being called fat by my family even though I wasn't 'overweight'. Yes, I have always been chubbier but 5 years back, my BMI score was not even overweight. I started putting more weight during the lockdown period. I was less active and rarely socialise with others outside home.
This is where the downfall began... Since 2021/2022 I have gained a total of almost 30kg. I began stress eating and binging a lot. As I gained more weight, I became less confident of my own looks - my insecurities started growing, having no motivation for self improvement, and I stopped working out. On top of that, I was diagnosed with clinical anxiety in 2021. All of that started happening when I was 16.
Fast forward to now, I have not broke that cycle yet. I have tried many different types of diets, exercises, and even medication for losing weight. Nothing worked. I think if I can't build a healthy relationship food, I would be stuck like this forever.
I'm so tired of being called 'fat' by my own family. My dad would told me that he is hurt to see me like this. Everyday my mom would told me to not eat and diet in almost every single conversation we have. My uncle would laugh at me every time I mentioned that I do exercise. I am so tired to be seen as a joke by my own family.
Truthfully, I do exercise. I mostly do strength training and go to the gym 2-4 times a week. I tend to only go late at night when there are lesser people due to my social anxiety. But lately, I have been going to private gyms as my anxiety has gotten worse. Gym just doesn't feel like a safe space to me anymore. And I think that this is my last straw because the person I am today has ruined my life. I miss the happier, confident, and joyous me.
If you're still reading this, thank you for hearing me out :) I just needed to get this big weight off of my chest. I know that the journey of building a healthier relationship with food and loving myself at the same time is not going to be easy, but hopefully I don't give up this time. Wish me luck :) Oh and any advices are welcomed!
I think the main reason of me not being able to lose weight is because of my horrible relationship with food. I'm a rather shy person, I don't really like talking to people about how I feel, or show my vulnerabilities to others. I have this facade of being a strong independent woman that brings joy into the crowd. I have always been a listener amongst my friends, they come to me when they need a listening ear. However, I couldn't say the same about myself. I don't open up to my closest people and hence I have always confided in the comfort of food.
Not only that, growing up I was always being called fat by my family even though I wasn't 'overweight'. Yes, I have always been chubbier but 5 years back, my BMI score was not even overweight. I started putting more weight during the lockdown period. I was less active and rarely socialise with others outside home.
This is where the downfall began... Since 2021/2022 I have gained a total of almost 30kg. I began stress eating and binging a lot. As I gained more weight, I became less confident of my own looks - my insecurities started growing, having no motivation for self improvement, and I stopped working out. On top of that, I was diagnosed with clinical anxiety in 2021. All of that started happening when I was 16.
Fast forward to now, I have not broke that cycle yet. I have tried many different types of diets, exercises, and even medication for losing weight. Nothing worked. I think if I can't build a healthy relationship food, I would be stuck like this forever.
I'm so tired of being called 'fat' by my own family. My dad would told me that he is hurt to see me like this. Everyday my mom would told me to not eat and diet in almost every single conversation we have. My uncle would laugh at me every time I mentioned that I do exercise. I am so tired to be seen as a joke by my own family.
Truthfully, I do exercise. I mostly do strength training and go to the gym 2-4 times a week. I tend to only go late at night when there are lesser people due to my social anxiety. But lately, I have been going to private gyms as my anxiety has gotten worse. Gym just doesn't feel like a safe space to me anymore. And I think that this is my last straw because the person I am today has ruined my life. I miss the happier, confident, and joyous me.
If you're still reading this, thank you for hearing me out :) I just needed to get this big weight off of my chest. I know that the journey of building a healthier relationship with food and loving myself at the same time is not going to be easy, but hopefully I don't give up this time. Wish me luck :) Oh and any advices are welcomed!
