Having first Thanksgiving with my wifes mom (my MIL). Anyone have any good black jokes for me?

[Phish]

So im taking Patricks advice this year. Ive already printed out a bullet pointed power point presentation of black crime statistics from Cumias show and Im sure that will start things off great. If they dont think the same politics as me, im KICKING THEM TO THE CURB AND NEVER SPEAKING TO THEN AGAIN. After that, Ill be sure to shove her nose in the Rittenhouse trial verdict and do a little dance. Ill make sure to mention we flew trump flags out front during the election. Any other family ruining advice i missed from Pat? Isnt this what he wanted? To kick bigots out in the cold?

How many black people does Progressive Pat feed on thanksgiving? None? Ya thats what i thought. Shut your fat fucking mouth about calling us white supracist nazi incels, you pathetic lonely swine. My MIL has the exact polar opposite political persuasion as me and my fiance. Wanna know what weve said? Nothing. Weve talking about family, friends, jokes, stories, work, etc. Politics is for faggots on Thanksgiving. Why would you want to fight about govt policy on a day like today? I seriously dont get it.

Im allmost done dropping my duece. Everyone have a great holiday and remember to tell your family you love them. You could be alone like Patrick.

 

[Gay Faggot.]

They let politics become the only part of their personalities. They think, it makes them sound intelligent. Really, they’re faggots and this is well put. Why would you talk about divisive shit on one of the best days of the year. You’re supposed to be appreciative of everything you have. Because they’re faggot liars who no one likes, that’s why they say this shit. Have a great Thanksgiving brotherman.

 

[guest]

I'm actually agreeing with Pat on this one. I also don't celebrate Thanksgiving with my family because of their politics.
In fact I've never celebrated Thanksgiving with my family.

Then again it is only celebrated in US so I guess thats why.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, enjoy your turkey and mashed potatoes.
God bless.

 

[peckafacce]

I Failed my biology test yesterday: They asked, "What are things commonly found in cells?" Apparently Blacks and Mexicans wasn't the correct answer.

 

[ChildSpitTake]

What's a "supracist"?

 

[TorqueWheeler]

Maybe do the whole niggers vs. black people Chris Rock routine and then ask her for her thoughts? Or maybe just do an exaggerated black voice for the entire day? A Chappelle/Sam Jackson hybrid. Make her feel comfy.

 

[RobertMewler]

"Did you hear? Coca-Cola's new marketing campaign features a black Santa. I guess he gives a new meaning to 'egg nogg'!" Something like that?

 

[JoeBrotheChildSpitGuzzler]

How does every black joke start?
*Looks over both shoulders*

 

[potatopeeler63]

Boondock saints:

A white guy, a spic and a black guy (nigger), yea yea, are walking down the beach and they find a lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out. The genie says "I'll give you each 1 wish".

The Mexican says "I weesh for all my Mexican hermanos and hermanas to be back in Mehico". POOF all the Mexicans were back in Mexico.

The black guy (nigger) yea yea that's what I said, the nigger says "I wish for all my nigger brothers and sisters to be back in Africa". POOF all the blacks are gone.

The genie says "and for you?" The white guy looks at the genie and says "you mean to tell me all the niggers and spiks are out of America?" "Yes" the genie replies.

"I'll have a coke"

 

[Will Tate]

I'm sure many of you have heard this one before, but:

2 black guys are walking down the street and see a sign in a window that says "Turn into a White Man--99 Cents." One basketball American has $1, the other has $0.98, so they decide the first guy will get his treatment and give his change to his friend so he'll have the 99 cents. So the first guy goes in and comes out half an hour later with lily white skin, flowing blonde hair and strong, Aryan features.

Amazed at the success of the treatment, the second porch monkey says, "Okay, homes, gimme dat penny so I can gets mine!" to which his friend responds, "Get a job, nigger."

Thank you.

 

[Phish]

Maybe do the whole niggers vs. black people Chris Rock routine and then ask her for her thoughts? Or maybe just do an exaggerated black voice for the entire day? A Chappelle/Sam Jackson hybrid. Make her feel comfy.

Maybe talk like Foghorn Leghorns black cousin “wellsa wellsa i be axin could yoo be please be passin de graby thisaway?”

 

[ThePepsiColaRapist]

What did the nigger get his kid for Christmas?

Your bike.

 

[42069]

What do you call 5 black guys in Oregon?
The Trailblazers

 

[Username]

What do you call someone with a black eye who overcooks food? Throw in your wife’s name everyone gets a laugh also people stop asking your wife questions about her eye.

 

[TorqueWheeler]

Maybe talk like Foghorn Leghorns black cousin “wellsa wellsa i be axin could yoo be please be passin de graby thisaway?”

Sounds like you have a winner!

 

[Snake]

What's a word that begins with a N and ends with a R you never want to call a black person? Neighbor, chowlld. -- Patrick S. Tomlinson

 

[JoeBrotheChildSpitGuzzler]

what do you call a black man who has a juris doctorate?

Nigger.

 

[Udders]

What'd the Mississippi Sheriff call the nigger who'd been shot 12 times? The worst case of suicide he'd ever seen.

 

[MunchausenByProxy]

I’ve never once had a political discussion on Thanksgiving or any large holiday gathering.

Theres enough shit that happens in life over the years that can separate families. Whether its death, moving far away, or bad blood. As my family gatherings get smaller and smaller I appreciate the people we still have around. If you introduce an argument that could jeopardize that, you’re a piece of shit Tomlinson

 

[guest]

What's purple and sits on my porch?

My nigger... I'll paint him any color I want.